11 year old wanting a phone.

[TickingKey46]

My daughter is nearly 11, she is off to secondary school soon so will need a phone. I'm thinking about getting her a Nokia one, so she's able to call and text but has none of the other features. I really don't want her getting involved in any of social media rubbish teenagers are obsessed with. But I also don't want other laughing at her. What are people's thoughts on this please?

Does she have a long commute ? Having the ability to listen to music would be a nice to have.

Social media would be a no from me. It's toxic and fake - children can't comprehend this. There's alot of bullying going on too, not something a child should be part of but lots of parent deem it appropriate because 'they'll be left out and everybody else is'. Not to mention the pedophiles on there...

I think you need to gauge what kind of area her new school is in. If everyone is likely to have iPhones, get her an iPhone. It must be awful to be the new kid that doesn't fit in and everyone laughs at.

Mine all had my old iPhones after i upgraded. Until they were about 14 they had to give them to me on demand / every night and i would look through them to make sure all was well and then charge them for them. That way you can stop unwanted SM apps in their tracks.

Do you know anyone at the school? Lots of schools depend on apps which could be an issue.

If you get a smartphone then you could put parental controls that stop her downloading things like Snapchat without your approval.

I'd get her a brick until she's older. The amount of kids that have the brand new iPhone snd get mugged in the first few weeks of school is terrible. Also, I'd get one without a camera if possible. I haven't worked in a school for a few years but their was a lot of naked picture taking and then circulation going on.

We've just given DS use of a phone for the same reason. I want him to get used to it all before he starts secondary. It's linked to my Google account and he has no social media access. He listens to music on it mainly.
WhatsApp was the one thing we wavered on. His football team all use it and he likes being able to chat to team mates. So we've given it to him for now to see how it goes. We're monitoring it and he knows we read his messages. Have had to block one girl from school who kept telling him how much she loved him and begging him to go out with her. He warned her but she kept doing it so she's blocked now.

Other than that it's been ok so far but it's only been 3 weeks.

I'm in the same boat as you. I am getting a brick phone for her, smart phone later. I just can't see the need for a smart phone tbh. Not for my DD anyway. She won't have a long commute to school anyway and I have heard that the school she is most likely to get into is currently trying to push for brick phones. Not sure how they are doing that. But I am hoping that the tides are turning and more parents do this. I know a lot of parents locally who are planning the same so she will not be the only one. But also know several who have smart phones.

The secondary schools round here rely on various apps for homework and emails to pupils about bits and pieces. They used camera's on their phones to copy homework assignments of the board etc (the teachers expected this) mine also did Photography in art which needed their camera phones. She will honestly struggle without a smart phone.
I totally understand your desire to keep her way from social media but realistically I think you'll have to give her a smart phone. I'd focus more on getting some kind of parent monitor app installed on the phone an sit down and teach your child how to stay safe on line and set rules as to the phone usage - eg if you want to ban specifically tick tock or X or whatever, then sure just set that as a boundary and at least to start with regularly check her phone to see the usage on there.
All this wont stop her watching content on others phones however - so you do need to start having an open dialogue about what's safe and teach her to hopefully avoid getting pulled in too much. Good Luck.

Some non-smart phones have mp3 players,.simple cameras and bluetooth .

At this point - if she has a Nokia brick - she will be feeling like she is missing out. Maybe even made fun of. I'd not do it to her.

I think it is better to get her a phone of the same type you have - older version and all. And then link your phones up and put parental controls limiting her social media use. You can block some sites/apps. You can also limit the amount of time she is able to use them - and the time of day.

You will not be able to protect her from the world forever. She will need to learn how to navigate the word of technology and SM. Better to start in small doses when you can control it. Blanket bans are never a good idea.

No not a long commute about 15-20 min walk. I also have the added concern of her father trying to contact her (there is a no contact order in place). I'm not saying he would but it's a possibility.
I wanted to have one of those parenting tracking apps on it, which I guess carn't happen if it's not a smart phone.
It's such a mind field it really is.

Go for a Nokia smart phone, it's cheaper than an iPhone but there isn't a huge difference in functionality, plus they've really cornered the market in sustainability. Both DD and I have Nokia smart phones (around £150 outright) with £3.99 a month ID sims and have never had any issues with them.

In terms of social media, WhatsApp is pretty integral to teen social life. DD struggled maintaining friendships and organising meet ups without it. Apparently teens don't do texting.

As for other social media apps, DD doesn't have them. I checked her phone once a week in year 7, once a fortnight in year 8 and once a month now shes in year 9. She understands it's a condition of having a phone as is charging it in the kitchen at night. DD largely uses her phone for Spotify and Duolingo.

I don’t see the problem with a smartphone. It’s a huge part of every day life and good to educate them on safe use while they’re young and impressionable/more likely to form good habits.

Parents just need to learn how to set up kids/family profiles etc. You can literally control everything they have access to if you so desire. And see how they’ve been spending their screen time if required.

Please don't get her a brick, you're setting her up the fail.

An old iPhone, to which only you know the iCloud password so can limit which apps she can download. You have a parent account, she has a child account. You'll be able to see her whereabouts on Find My.

I understand that you don't want her to have socials, but she will need WhatsApp if she is to stand any chance of communicating with her friends. Teens don't use text or call (and if they do, it's a WhatsApp call).

So what do parents allow their children on when they first get a phone? I was thinking family and friends only on what's app, phone and text only.

Get her an iPhone. A brick Nokia won't cut it and they are very hard to type on. You can place strict parental controls, not allow social media accounts - although What's app groups are useful for class and sports groups. We do the above, check phone, phone off and away at a certain time - and we like to track her on Find my location for the walk to school and when she's going about town. My DD is 12. She listens to Spotify and can do Google Classroom work on it.

Yep. That's all he has so far.

Lots of people here recommending iPhones but we're an Android family and Google Family link is very good so we got a repurposed Samsung

Not WhatsApp. We have huge bullying problems because of that.
I'd say get a very basic phone, but if you get a smartphone you're going to have to be exceptionally vigilant and put all the parental controls on it.

@TickingKey46 we cut down the “allowed” websites that the apple kids account automatically allowed. DC doesn’t use them anyway. I allow links to homework from school website.

We have find my phone set up for safety/commute to school as we live in a city.

Both Parents phone numbers.

Spotify.

2 x games - limited to 30mins of playing games a day.

It has worked well this school year and he knows why there are boundaries in place. I just ignored the pleas for friends phone numbers and now it’s stopped. DC is at primary school. Will review current setup in September.

What about age appropriate you tube eg child's tube.

My son has an iPhone but it’s heavily locked down via the “Screentime” function on my phone. He has calls, texts, and FaceTime, the safari app is completely removed so no access to the web, Ask to Buy is enabled so he can’t download apps without me approving them on my phone first, absolutely no social media or WhatsApp. He also can’t change his password or any of the security settings.

It allows him to keep in touch with friends and family, and he has a really long journey to and from school so he can play games to help pass the time.

Have a look into the parental controls on iPhone, I think you’ll be surprised how comprehensive they are.

@TickingKey46 no way for our family. I don’t trust YouTube. Their kids channel can let in disturbing content that’s tagged as and looks like safe for kids. Plus, even if it was safe, DC would never put the phone down!

My DC similar age has a very old iPhone. I have removed all apps except messages, phone calls, Apple Music, maps, weather, school email and find my. Removed App Store, browser and removed camera and picture messaging. I like it better than a Nokia because I can track them on it, also it possibly doesn’t look as ‘different’ as having a Nokia. We tried a Nokia first but they are shit nowadays! Battery not as good as it ought to be and case kept falling apart. I plan to add apps & permissions as they get older but haven’t done yet. Also I restricted who could be messaged or called to just close family initially but have changed that for Y7 to allow for new friends

And you'll probably find she has to check her homework and upload it too on the phone

I don't know what parents do who can't afford all this?

He will be mocked.

Better not there I would think