11 year old wanting a phone.

[TickingKey46]

My daughter is nearly 11, she is off to secondary school soon so will need a phone. I'm thinking about getting her a Nokia one, so she's able to call and text but has none of the other features. I really don't want her getting involved in any of social media rubbish teenagers are obsessed with. But I also don't want other laughing at her. What are people's thoughts on this please?

And make it very clear you will be doing random checks (which is for her benefit)

Brilliant thanks for some great advice, I will give her one of my old phones but remove all apps they I don't thing is suitable. Also remove the internet function, guess that's possible?
She's actually very safety conscious and knows not to allow others to take her photo, give or receive phone numbers etc etc. I've had to teach her all of this to keep her safe regarding her father. From a young age she would come to me and say so and so tried to take my photo but I said no.

My DS is 10 and has a very cheap android smartphone (no upfront cost, £7 per month contract) with strict controls via Google Family Link. No social media and if he tries to download anything we get a notification to approve it. He uses it for calls, texts, camera, music, audiobooks and a couple of games.

A smart phone with the ability to access YouTube and music would be great for both enjoyment and school work and general learning. I agree on the social media element but you'll have control over what's on the phone so just don't allow the apps you don't want her to use?

Not YouTube.

I clicked no. But not because she would be laughed at. Because my child needs a smart phone to connect with her homework. Because she uses the maps. Because we have tracking set up. Because she needs to learn phone and web safety.

we went the route of smartphone but with use of parental controls.

@Maireas You may find the school use YouTube videos to aid learning, for added context etc. Many links on Teams come in the form of YouTube videos the teachers have privately made themselves or other creators. You can set parental controls so she can only access certain creators or key words.

Our school doesn't give YouTube links because of Safeguarding. As a head of ks3, I have dealt with some profoundly upsetting phone bullying - actually, cruelty and unbelievable abuse.
The more controls parents put on, the happier I am.
It is of course the parents' choice. However, I'm fairly sick of the phrase "we had no idea!".

@Maireas I would check with the high school to be sure as they may not use public videos but may well use private videos with the comments turned off. Students cannot engage with them in any way via comments etc and you cannot access the video without the direct link.

Check with what high school? I work in a non selective state secondary school.

I asked about this on another group for recommendations on iPhones for my son who started secondary school and most people told me there kids had iPhone 14 at 11! So yeah a Nokia she will be a laughing stock.

Why can’t you download parental control apps and get your child a normal phone?

they will have the piss ripped out of them if you get a Nokia phone

The Nokia smartphones are fine. We're not talking an old 5110 from back in the day. They're good, mid level phones. My DS, also 11 has one. They're fine.

Mine has YouTube and YouTube music on it but since they're part of Google they're controlled by the family link. He hasn't really been watching videos much but has been listening to music. And I can check his viewing history.

Also he's only allowed his phone for limited periods during the day and not off up in his room. He may be messaging friends in the living room while I'm in the kitchen but I can walk in at any time and he knows it

My DS is 18 now and he had an iPhone from age 11. I had him on my iCloud so there were parental controls meaning he couldn’t download any apps without me authorising.

Tbh he only really used music and games apps anyway for the first years.

Echo what others have said. Schools often use apps these days, so there that. Also, another poster said that kids don’t use text to communicate- and that’s true. They use snap or WhatsApp. Also, phones are such a big part of what the kids spend their time doing at break times etc. she runs the risk of feeling super left out. And whilst a lot of bullying happens online - it’s not exclusively so. It happens IRL too. I would let her have a smart phone but set clear rules around you being able to have access to what she’s doing, who she’s messaging etc.

Also one suggestion our current primary school had was to not give them the phone as a birthday or Christmas present. That makes it 'theirs' (and harder to take away for poor behaviour on it). Give them use of a phone you own. Then privileges and access to it can be removed more easily.

I personally would not get a brick phone as our school uses apps to complete homework etc.

I also think it's better to learn how to use things safely than just ban them outright. My DC have smart phones. They know my rules regarding social media and I will also check their phones which they need to hand over there and then. In my opinion it's much better to learn how to use these things then for them to be a 'forbidden fruit.'

You can lock her phone down as much as you like but you won't be able to stop her friends showing her stuff on their phones. I've known year 7 boys showing each other porn on their phones at the back of the field, sanctioned afterwards ofcourse when we found out but it still happens

She needs to be able to have friends on WhatsApp otherwise her friendships won't develop, whether we like it or not it's how they communicate. She needs to be guided on how to communicate and how to be communicated with and to hold her own boundaries and when to come for help if messages are bullying or inappropriate. She can't learn if it's locked down to a basic phone with just family numbers.

Phones are an integral part of their social lives and it's our job to teach them the social skills that go with it, and leading by example and setting boundaries with managing screen time ie charge all family phones in the kitchen so not tempted to go on it at night and buy everyone alarm clocks instead of using phones

Smart phone with google family link on works well.

You have to grant permission to download any app. You can block access to apps/set times they can be used. Use it locate the phone.
As well as all the spot checks.

Mine had a phone from 11 but no social media until 13. And then only one option.

Personally id let them have a phone and learn the hard lessons whilst still in the last few months of primary. Then any issues you know the kids involved and their parents and can advise your DD and help her familiarize herself. If you leave all of that learning until high school. Her number will be in the hands of hundreds of kids very quickly who you wont know and once at high school parents dont get involved. Id say thats a risk as you lose a lot of control when they get to high school.

I'd get her an iPhone but lock it down using the screen time feature. The screen time feature lets you set times as the name suggests but loads more. You can stop them from being able to get apps (you can for them with the screen time password), you can block bad websites on safari (apple web browser), you can stop her deleting search history so you know exactly what she's been searching, you can stop resets and passcode resets etc. it's really useful. You can control what she's seeing but it gives the illusion of freedom, she can have music and the apps you approve of, etc.

You're right to be cautious, social media is a cesspit. Keep her out of it for as long as possible! Good luck

She doesn't need a phone

Smartphones are a plague

I think there's quite a socio economic divide:

less educated parents handing out smartphones like smarties.

Educated parents doing everything in their power to keep their kids off them

As others have said they are likely to use apps for school to track homework etc. There is also the safety aspect, there are no public pay phones anymore really like when we were young, if there's a problem like school bus is late etc I want DD to be able to contact me. My DD is 12 (yr 8), has had a smartphone since age 11 (end of yr 6), a basic smartphone to begin with. I totally agree that in an ideal world 12 year olds shouldn't have social media but in reality they're all at it and ones without get left out. We have parental controls set up on her phone and she is locked out from 9pm to 6am. It's more about teaching them to be safe and sensible than banning it I think.

My SIL/BIL gave their tween one of their very old iphones. No social media allowed, they get to check the phone whenever they wish, no deleted messages allowed but in general they can trust her. She gets mocked a bit by her friends for "having strict parents", but she's safer for it. Social media is an absolute cancer for kids.