Why do we feel the need to label ourselves instead of accepting we are all different?

[Rainbow03]

I wanted to find out whether I was neurodiverse. I’ve just realised that I wanted that diagnosis not for myself but so that other people would accept my “differentness”, I’d have a reason and an excuse for the way I am. I could say to family and work colleagues etc yeah excuse me I do that because I’ve actually got ADHD or this disorder. Really I should just accept myself for who I am and if people don’t accept me then it’s their loss and move on.

I think it would be a lot better out there if we accepted differences instead of making people have to excuse themselves . I feel people want to be normal, who specified normal and why do I and others aspire to be like it. It’s awful being different and being snubbed.

Im sure there must be lots of people acting “normal” who hide a lot of themselves so they fit in.

It’s quite nice when you accept yourself. I for one am going to stop digging into why I am the way I am and how I can change myself into a more “normal” person and embrace my own weirdness!!!

What do you think? Should we change to fit in more?

It depends what you mean by “different” and by “normal.” Living amongst other people usually requires compromise, for all of us, neurodiverse or neurotypical, and some level of adapting our behaviour from doing exactly as we want to do. If your “weirdness” means you behave in a way which makes you difficult to be around, or unpleasant to work with, or causes stress towards those who engage with you then taking the stance that you’re just different and don’t want to be normal isn’t going to ingratiate you to anyone and isn’t going to suddenly change the way others feel towards you.

If you don't want the diagnosis for yourself then why bother? My brother had an adult diagnosis and it changed everything for him as it gave him huge insight into the issues he'd had throughout his life, and helps him to understand the issues he has now.

@MorrisZapp I do have one but I think I perhaps did it so people would make allowances. @ComtesseDeSpair I was a bit hazy. People say I am too sensitive. What about if I’m as sensitive as I’m supposed to be and others have projected there level of sensitivity on me. I do hold a job etc (let’s say I’m not too different in that I go to work naked or hurt people 😆)

It’s those labels “you are too”… I have real trouble with. I’ve heard them a lot in all situations about loads of people. Others not being about to put themselves in others shoes and can only see things from there side. What happens if I’m the right level of sensitive given my experience. I try and not be sensitive and I end up hurt, depressed. That’s just one example.

No i know what you mean.

I have issues mostly with sensory and social. When people aren't aware they can misinterpret and presume i am rude, odd and take it personally, they won't tell me if they are offended or finding me frustrating as they presume im doing it purposefully, but then i am oblivious and can't conduct myself with more consideration for their needs as i have no idea.

This has always ruined work environments. So having a diagnosis means i can hold down a job as people won't take things personally and feel more comfortable being direct with me as there is no emotional negative intent there, just down to communicating.

But my Autism doesn't upset me anymore (it used too and caused a lot of depression and anxiety) other people can tend to pity me?? (Not sure of the right description) whereas i am perfectly happy 😂😂 but most the time if someone is mean about it, or discriminatory i won't even notice..ive had HR at work before get involved with me being bullied and i didnt even realise i was haha

@Pickles2023 I guess in that sense it does make having the diagnosis useful. It’s why I wanted mine in the end as I was sick of telling people I find this hard and having them tell me oh “but why what’s wrong with you”. Now I can show them some letters and get more understanding. I don’t see why people can’t be understanding without the letters especially if you’re able to say what you find hard. I have an invisible illness also of M.E and the same applies.

My daughter is waiting for diagnosis. I worry about her growing up being “different”. She is 7 and already knows she is different by asking me why she doesn’t get awards and certificates like the other girls who get all there work right and she struggles. She hides away at school when she makes a mistake because she is ashamed. It’s so sad as she is brilliant and so so caring.

Yes, people complain about labels but then do not accept your differences without a label!

People are just difficult even a diagnosis won't stop stigma or bitchy comments what it does give you though is legal protection and rights. A diagnosis makes life a little bit easier because you have a medically recognised and legally sanctioned justification for your needs and behaviours. How people will react to you, diagnosed or not is just human nature.

Sometimes the label can be helpful for others... All of my (much older) siblings are neurodiverse, I was the only neuro-typical one. Growing up I found them absolutely infuriating, and I just couldn't understand so many of the things they did. I felt extremely isolated and mortified about my family. Once they were both diagnosed, and I grew up a bit, I was able to tolerate them much more easily because they're behaviour had an explanation.

It's not a label. Or would you call diabetes a label too?

@OutsideLookingOut thats exactly what I mean. I wanted a label to be able to accept myself. It is sad in a way that I personally couldn’t accept the way I was without it. Our differences are always visible when at the end of the day everyone is different aren’t they? Are some people just a little more different than acceptable? Although I suppose if you are antisocial then that’s not acceptable

@TigerRag being ND is not an illness though.

It's still not a label either

Um, because I need accommodations and medications? Because when I didn't know I was autistic and ADHD I ended up on a psych ward? I tried to give my kids away?

If you think there's no need for a "label" it's privilege talking. For you having/ not having one is optional.

My "labels" are actually disabilities and i hate the term label for a disability. It's rude and demeaning. Would you tell me not to label myself if it were any other disability you can think of?

Adhd and autism arent labels they are medical diagnoses. If you had arthritis or ME you wouldn't avoid getting diagnosed for fear of having a label would you

I have been mis diagnosed as having a personality disorder in the past. Finding out I’m ND for some reason is better because of the label of having a personality disorder. The stigma is terrible. My symptoms are exactly the same.

If the person is an arsehole they will use everything and anything in a bad way like: woman, girl, menopausal, old, fat, anorexic, Ethnicity/race'. We are covered in labels the moment we are born, and even without and before an autism diagnosis people would have been labelled all sorts of unkind and cruel ways to describe the behaviour so even without an official label people will come up with their own labels for the behaviour or characteristic at least when it's an official diagnosis you can avail yourself of the rights people have faught so hard for. People are programmed to judge because it affects survival.

@GiftedDog it’s awful. I can see my own daughter drowning under all the labels put on her to be like other children.

But as you have been through it, you are the best person to guide her and help her navigate life as her mum who loves/knows her and has had to learn over all the years how to survive and manage these expectations from society.

You will feel how she is feeling as you felt it :)

It's generally accepted in the ND community that you don't need a diagnosis, helpful considering the long wait for one. Label or don't, sometimes it's useful sometimes not. Do whatever is right for you in the moment.

@Pickles2023 I do my best but I suffer my own trauma over the years of not being understood or accepted. I learned many unhealthy behaviours.

This was my experience and unlike the OP I didn't ask for adjustments I just proactively used what I learned to find strategies that work for me. I wasted so many years burning myself out to try and do things the way others did.

I was going to say this. Sometimes I can't do something or am slower at it because of my arthritis and I just say sorry, my arthritis is acting up today. I don't expect people to just understand that I can't do this or that. I don't see an asd or adhd diagnosis as any different. My ds will sometimes say sorry I'm too autistic for that.

I don't think it is fair to expect others to read your mind and know that you aren't just being lazy by not joining in and helping carry the boxes or that you aren't just being awkward for not liking the radio on or whatever. Diagnosis aren't shameful whether it is for something like arthritis or whether it's for asd. I prefer to just be upfront and like to get the same back.

@SquirrelSoShiny we are all different I suppose. I do try and use what I’ve learned to change the way I think or do things differently, it’s reduced my anxiety 90%. I should have accepted myself in the first place and not try and ignore the way I felt and burnt myself out trying to do things the way others do. It would have been good to have been taught that we aren’t all the same and don’t learn the same etc. I have gained a substantially amount of trauma over the years. Especially after Finding myself in an abusive marriage believing it was all my fault because I believed all the negative labels I was given… too sensitive etc etc I should have instead listened to myself.