Why do we feel the need to label ourselves instead of accepting we are all different?

[Rainbow03]

I wanted to find out whether I was neurodiverse. I’ve just realised that I wanted that diagnosis not for myself but so that other people would accept my “differentness”, I’d have a reason and an excuse for the way I am. I could say to family and work colleagues etc yeah excuse me I do that because I’ve actually got ADHD or this disorder. Really I should just accept myself for who I am and if people don’t accept me then it’s their loss and move on.

I think it would be a lot better out there if we accepted differences instead of making people have to excuse themselves . I feel people want to be normal, who specified normal and why do I and others aspire to be like it. It’s awful being different and being snubbed.

Im sure there must be lots of people acting “normal” who hide a lot of themselves so they fit in.

It’s quite nice when you accept yourself. I for one am going to stop digging into why I am the way I am and how I can change myself into a more “normal” person and embrace my own weirdness!!!

What do you think? Should we change to fit in more?

Perhaps being female has affected my view as I know it affects boy’s differently to girls. There are a few ND children in my daughter’s class. Both the girls don’t really show signs of hyperactivity more issues with their emotions and focus. The boys seems to be affected more strongly.

When I say living up to potential, I don’t necessarily mean that if you’re bright, you should be earning buckets of money in a very high-powered job or be out there saving the world. Living up to your potential is not really about working harder and achieving more. A lot of it is knowing your limits and being happy with your limits. As long as you are motivated during what you’re doing, you’re content and your relationships are fulfilling you are living up to your potential.

Personally, I think it is far easier for you to embrace yourself if you have the tools in place to help you manage difficulties so you are happy with your life. Self-love is absolutely necessary, but I feel sometimes the embrace yourself mantra can lead to people accepting behaviours which do not serve them. Take all the help you can get because nobody gives you a medal for unnecessary suffering in this world.

The boys seem to be affected more strongly outwardly.

it is perfectly fine to not pursue a diagnosis because you don’t want one and feel that accepting your adhd is the way to go.

but for many of us - me included - it isn’t about accepting our neurodiversity or wanting / needing a label because we crave other people’s acceptance etc.

I have no issue with either of these. And I do accept myself with my quirks, habits, strengths and deficits. My family and friends do as well.

I needed a diagnosis because I require(d) therapy and medication to live a happy and healthy life. Or live at all, tbh.

@PumpkinsAndCoconuts yes sorry boys seems worse outwardly and girls seems internalised is what I wanted to say.

Yes sorry I was projecting I think. I get why people want diagnosis now.

I suppose I wish perhaps I was diagnosed much younger. I has labelled as anxious and attended 2 lots of CBT in my early 20’s for GAD, it’s didn’t work. Now I know it was just social overwhelm. I couldn’t eat in restaurants and would worry weeks before hand if invited out. If I had known I could have turned the offer down. But I thought I was broke ridiculous as everyone else was fine. I got trauma from being taken out for
dinner as a child and being sick in the toilets from the whole overwhelm. I don’t tell anyone as people would think something was wrong with me. For a few years in my 20’s I couldn’t leave the house because the anxiety took over. If only I’d known there was nothing wrong with me, I thought I had all sorts of medical problems and had lots of tests that came back clear. They labelled me anxious. I don’t suffer anxiety at all anymore as I feel more in control.

Should have re read that as so many mistakes!

I don't need anyone to tell me I'm neurodiverse as it's as plain as the nose on my face.
Recognising it has explained a lot of things, but I won't be seeking a diagnosis.
I love me with all my quirks.

@FindingMeno I wish I was taught that when I was young. Unfortunately I was taught I was weird or the black sheep or too needy.

I don't think there is much point in getting a diagnosis for others. If others think you have extra needs or particular difficulties they will act accordingly, make allowances, offer help, be more understanding. If they think you do not have additional needs or difficulties they will merely be irritated by claims of a diagnosis.

There’s no need for an apology (at least imo). All good :)

and yes, self-love and acceptance are incredibly important. I would certainly agree with you.
It’s just that “more self-acceptance” won’t give me the benefits of medication and therapy.
I was diagnosed in my 20ies and I am incredibly thankful. I was also incredibly depressed, barely functioning (couldn’t attend lectures or exams due to anxiety, withdrew socially) and I am extremely thankful that my therapist suggested pursing an adhd diagnosis.

Your point about some of us pursuing a diagnosis because we hope for acceptance from our loved ones is as just important as my perspective. my need for a diagnosis - and the ensuing benefits - was so massive that it had never even occurred to me that the diagnosis may be primarily due to wanting to be accepted (by others) for some people. That’s my own biases and projection, tbh.

@PumpkinsAndCoconuts I was incredibly anxious and my doctor kept sending me for blood tests etc. I withdrew into an abusive marriage. I barely left the house for years. I wish someone would have intervened. They just sent me for CBT and tried to put me on antidepressants. In the end I suffered an emotional breakdown and didn’t know where I was anymore. Luckily lockdown happened and for me that helped me as I didn’t need to go anywhere and I slowly re charged. I think of the amount of trauma and what I pushed myself through, I wouldn’t have had to if I didn’t fear being different so much. It’s sad because I’m not actually that different if people take the time to know me.

I feel exactly the same way.

What planet do you live on? Because its not the same one as I'm on!

This whole thread makes me want to scream tbh

Ah?

I think the poster was saying that at the end of the day there is no point getting a diagnosis for others as even with a diagnosis they may think negatively and the diagnosis not make them make allowances.

I guess we all coming at it for different reasons. Me personally I just want to feel like I fit it…but then even people knowing won’t make me fit in because I’m just a little different. I’ve tried being like everyone else and it doesn’t work as I’m so bloody awkward at it lol

This can be somewhat down to masking, as little girls are treated quite differently to little boys usually, ND or not. I was a very hyperactive female child, but learned that speaking out of turn, running around too much, fidgeting and being loud were complete no-no's for little girls and was shamed for it. Even doctors said then that ADHD was a male disorder so I couldn't have it. I do think masking without a diagnosis caused me a lot of trauma and self hatred basically.

I tend to agree with the OP. We shouldn't need a "label" for others to treat us properly. Everyone should be tolerant and understanding of everyone else.

I was horrendously bullied at school because I was "different". Teachers would constantly complain that I was "too quiet" during lessons even though my work was generally of high standard and I usually got top marks.

It's taken me years, in fact decades, to realise it was them who had the problem, not me!

We really shouldn't need to be "labelled" for others, especially those in authority, like teachers, managers at work, etc., to actually treat you as a human being rather than bully/shame you because you don't look and act like they do!!

My teenage years and early adult life was ruined by other people being, to be frank, absolute arseholes towards me. I tried to force myself to be a different person "just to fit in", but it made me very uncomfortable and so I just retreated into myself and ended up lonely and isolated as I just avoided other people.

Now, decades later, I've stopped giving a toss about what other people think of me and how they act towards me. I do what the hell I want (within the law/rules/morals) and have learned not to try to confirm with "normality" whatever that means. I don't need to hide behind a label, I have learned to love myself as I am and quite frankly, the arseholes who don't accept that can go and F* themselves!

Meanwhile back on Planet Earth, others really don't "act accordingly" in normal life at all. A few maybe, but most will treat you as something on the bottom of their shoe if you don't act like them and do things they do. Eg, you'd often ostracised if you don't want to go to the pub with workmates - they claim you're snobby and standoffish. Same back in teenage school years - you're the "weirdo" if you don't do under-age clubbing, smoking and drugs if that's what your classmates are doing. People currently need a "label" or diagnosis to protect them from the arseholes who can't understand that people are different and may not want to, or be able to do, things they do.