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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is this guy going to be dead in the bed?

95 replies

Looloolo · 05/02/2024 21:49

I found a guy in a dating app and he seems lovely via messages. A little bit of flirty sexualised comments but playful not pervy.

In person he was also lovely and we had a couple of cuddles and he kissed me twice but they were pecks… which felt tame. They weren’t even lingering.

Generally speaking he confesses to being shy and a bit backward at initiating anything with women. He said he’d be too shy to ask for what he liked.

The final thing is that he said that his two previous long term partners cheated on him and that his recent short term one went running back to her ex.

He’s got children so I know he knows where to put it and I’m thinking he could be good for me but I’m a little bit worried about sleeping with him in case it’s awful / hardwork / dull.

I’m not naive about having super high expectations of immediately transcendent sex but I haven’t dated in a very long time, not had sex in a long time and don’t want to get into a spiral of trying one disappointing man after another. I don’t want to be sleeping my way through everyone in bumble.

Has anyone already slept with ’this guy’ and could comment how it turned out?

OP posts:

MrsPoliportsGoose · 06/02/2024 19:32

The thread title made me think of Mr Pamook in Downton Abbey - luckily it was way more interesting 😆 you need to DTD and report back.

Mamette · 06/02/2024 19:35

Dick advisor I’m dying

Someone has to pitch this to Dragons Den!

I’m thinking he could be good for me

Dont try to push through a lack of attraction because you think he’s good on paper. It just doesn’t work.

letmeeatinpeace · 06/02/2024 19:50

I think the way someone kisses gives a pretty accurate picture of how they'll be in bed. Sounds like this one may be a little tame, but who knows, he might just need a bit of time / to relax.

motherofkevinnotperry · 06/02/2024 19:53

Give him a little but longer. See if he has any passion or a cheeky side once he gets a bit more confident. You'll know if you can be bothered to put the effort in as you go.

DH was very shy and quiet but he's really loving and while he's not one night stand raging fire type he's certainly lots of fun, very generous and I feel really safe with him. Much nicer than the overly confident bed hopper who's very experienced but sometimes meaningless.

BigPussyEnergy · 06/02/2024 20:49

Give it a go. My BF was quite shy when we first met. Didn’t even kiss until about date 4, and even then it wasn’t fireworks. In fact he said “mm that was a nice kiss” and it was just nice. The next time things got a bit more heated and then when we had sex he was like a different man! Confident, generous and incredibly responsive! He also liked a couple of interesting things I’d never tried with other men.

So give it a chance. He might just be dynamite!

App13 · 06/02/2024 21:05

Ladolcevita233 · 05/02/2024 21:55

He’s got children so I know he knows where to put it

I don’t want to be sleeping my way through everyone in bumble

Pmsl

You're hilarious !

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 07/02/2024 09:33

@Silverbirch7

' this guy' is an anology.

Pretty sure the poster was aware of that and her response was meant to be humorous. Made me laugh anyway .

Superdupersomeone · 07/02/2024 10:31

In my recent experience great kissers were also great in bed, bad kissers, terrible in bed (selfish mainly). You need to kiss him!

I also need to take my own advice as I've started seeing a man who sounds a bit similar. He is very lovely, respectful, we get on great and I fancy him but he's quite reserved. He hasn't kissed me after 2 dates and has been getting a bit flustered. I was worrying he wasn't interested but he is giving me all the signals in person, he's told me he likes me a lot, apologised for his nerves and continues to make plans for more dates. I really like him so I have my fingers crossed and may jump him the next time I see him 😂

Good luck op, hope it works out well for you and you have a great time. Hopefully it's just nerves, I think a lot of men suffer with this and feel worried about performing.

EBearhug · 07/02/2024 10:42

You won't be sleeping your way through Bumble

This won't happen. There are a number with ED on there.

But more seriously - share a proper kiss with him, not just a peck. If he can't kiss well, I would expect the sex to be shit, too - but kissing is important to me, and maybe others are less bothered. Sounds like it's important to you, too, though.

If sex is important to you, then maybe he's not the right man. I like a sexually confident man - I also like to have sex fairly early on. If someone turns out not to suit me in bed, I don't want to waste time for me or him, nor get emotionally invested.
.

StarlightLady · 07/02/2024 11:21

Adding to previous comments. We live in a world where males have been criticised for inappropriate behaviour with women and rightly so.

Therefore, you can understand some male hesitancy. I’ve had a (unwanted) hand shoved up my skirt to my crotch on a first date. And l’ve enjoyed sex on a first date, because it felt right and was right.

OP, it’s now for you to demonstrate to him what you want. His hesitancy may not be a bad thing.

fatphalange · 07/02/2024 11:29

Men don't bumble around in a state of confusion accidentally sexually assaulting women because they don't know what's appropriate or not and it's certainly not the job of women to teach predators right from wrong!

LaMarschallin · 07/02/2024 11:32

Has anyone already slept with ’this guy’ and could comment how it turned out?

No.
Nobody's ever slept with him.

Those children? You've met them, right?

MrsSkylerWhite · 07/02/2024 11:34

Wonder how he’d feel if he knew you were talking about him like this?

Biggestthing · 07/02/2024 11:34

You’re giving me the ick.

Gloriosaford · 07/02/2024 11:44

Let us know how it goes . ..

Offwiththecircus · 07/02/2024 12:07

fatphalange · 07/02/2024 11:29

How does this relate to the thread or anything anyone has said on it

Bakereld · 07/02/2024 12:31

I dunno, his back story doesn't sound promising. Cheated on twice, and another ex run off? However, you won't know until you give it a go, but if you want someone sexually confident I wouldn't be hopeful. He sounds 'nice' but soft.

I think it's better to DTD early on, rather than waste time getting attached and later find out you are sexually incompatible.

I was with my first long term partner for 7 years, and the sex was awful. He was a nice genuine guy, soft as a brush. We waited to have sex but had been dating a while, and I thought it was something i'd be happy to sacrifice for the sake of a stable relationship/comfortable life with a decent guy. It wasn't in the end and I left him.

I DTD with my now husband on the first date😅(after messaging for a month!). I was 29 and didn't want to waste time finding out as was keen to settle down with the right guy. However there was a lot of sexual energy between us which was obvious, and he is much more 'manly' and confident compared to my ex, which was important to me.

IncognitoIsMyFavouriteWord · 07/02/2024 12:51

"shy with women" means he'll be like Will from The Inbetweeners when he had sex.

fatphalange · 07/02/2024 13:10

@Offwiththecircus I was responding to the post directly above mine.

StarlightLady · 07/02/2024 13:16

fatphalange · 07/02/2024 11:29

I was not suggesting this was the case!

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