Is this guy going to be dead in the bed?

[Looloolo]

I found a guy in a dating app and he seems lovely via messages. A little bit of flirty sexualised comments but playful not pervy.

In person he was also lovely and we had a couple of cuddles and he kissed me twice but they were pecks… which felt tame. They weren’t even lingering.

Generally speaking he confesses to being shy and a bit backward at initiating anything with women. He said he’d be too shy to ask for what he liked.

The final thing is that he said that his two previous long term partners cheated on him and that his recent short term one went running back to her ex.

He’s got children so I know he knows where to put it and I’m thinking he could be good for me but I’m a little bit worried about sleeping with him in case it’s awful / hardwork / dull.

I’m not naive about having super high expectations of immediately transcendent sex but I haven’t dated in a very long time, not had sex in a long time and don’t want to get into a spiral of trying one disappointing man after another. I don’t want to be sleeping my way through everyone in bumble.

Has anyone already slept with ’this guy’ and could comment how it turned out?

In the past l have been criticised on MN about having a little conversation regarding what l want before having sex with someone. Someone even said my attitude was shitty.

Here is someone who seems respectful and you can, with a little effort, “develop” (wrong word but l can’t think of a better one) into the person you want, on the horizontal.

So, have that little chat and get those knickers off!

You say you had a peck, i would see what a snog feels like because for me the kiss was accurate in how we'll vibe in the bedroom.

Maybe he is submissive and likes a dominant woman? That's what springs to my mind with the shy comment.

In my experience a proper snog will determine how the sex will go. My DH was terrified of my confidence when we first met, and he was initially like a deer in headlights in bed, but I rapidly moulded him into a very confident generous lover.

You don't have to sleep with loads of men, filter heavily before the date, then see how they are on a date then just a pec, if ur compatible.sexually u will be aching for more than just a pec. Then if you still fancy them go for a snog. If u still fancy him after the snog and u felt turned on kissing them, liked how they smelt and tasted then have the sex. The important thing is to try a snog with an exit plan so its less awkward to remove urself if u need to go and not feeling it.

Blimey, give the guy a chance by having sex with him immediately

I met a man once who was a bit unusual to talk to and a truly dreadful kisser. He was absolutely amazing in bed though. I mean, AMAZING. [sigh]

@PermanentTemporary Do u not kiss in bed? How can he be amazing in bed when kissing is normally a huge part of sex, unless you are or with a 'pretty woman'

Give him a chance to build a bit of confidence.

My dh was super shy when I met him. I needed to take things slowly myself so it was all good. But once we felt comfortable together it was great. Well more than great. Not all men want to jump straight in.

I think it's better to find out sooner rather than later, move things on and see how you feel. He might be lowering your expectations so he can over-deliver.

Too shy to ask for what he wants? I took that to mean niche kink.

Generally speaking he confesses to being shy and a bit backward at initiating anything with women. He said he’d be too shy to ask for what he liked.

Code for shit at communication. I have no space for "shy" men in my life. He wouldn't work for me as a partner. Hard pass.

You see I’d like that because I’m a slow burn sort of person and I’d like a man who was respectful and didn’t try to shove his tongue down my throat and grope me on the first couple of dates.

My ex dh took things very slowly with me and we had a fantastic sex life so taking it slow is no indication of being crap in bed.

You're definitely correct about taking it slow, but to me, the red flags are more about how he describes himself.

I've dated a few shy and inexperienced guys, and have subsequently decided I don't have the patience for it. My friends have always responded to it with "ooh we'll you'll just have to teach him!", with this tone that indicates it should somehow be a fun adventure to have to show someone the ropes rather than a complete chore.

At first I liked that these guys seemed to be happy taking things slow and weren't rushing to get me into bed, but after a while I realised I need a middle ground. I just don't have the time, patience, or energy to be someone's teacher, and in the end I found their lack of confidence a real turn off.

Of course that's just my experience. But it sounds like you're already having doubts about this one so maybe he's just not for you.

Aw this is really sweet. Things like this happen to men more often that you’d think. Literally every…wait no there’s one friend who hasn’t had any issues but he is a bit of a one…so bar one of my male friends ALL have had problems in bed like this. From not being able to orgasm because a past relationship had freaked him out (she used to hit him after they had sex) and to ED because they had had embarrassming experiences. To one who was with a woman who said she wanted to wait til marriage but slept around behind his back and used him for security/money.

of course it is not his ex wife’s fault she had physical issues - it’s something that will have been very impactful for him though too. Glad he’s doing good now. Hopefully she is too. And glad you guys are happy!

What's "transcendent sex"?

Oh, and I also thought this thread would be about someone who died in their sleep.

You never know he could be a dark horse hun.

I dated someone who really bigged themselves up and when it came down to it it was extremely underwhelming 🤣

I’ve had the same. Guy I dated couldn’t wait to tell me he was an absolute animal in bed - turned out he was a 3 position wonder 🤣

@GiftedDog for me there is no one thing that is essential in sex, it's a buffet and I pick a different range every time... anyway it was a one off [shrug] ill never forget it though

Just look up his Google sex reviews

Give it a go and let us know

Christ, from your thread title I was going to say call 999 for an urgent welfare check.

But if his name’s Steve, 46 from Watford , yeah, I’m afraid he was crap. ( with apologies to any other Steves from Watford)

I dated a bloke who talked about how all his ex’s didn’t want to have sex with him and his ex wife had an affair and left.

there was a reason. He was a bit creepy and shit in bed.

Do you actually fancy him? If so, go for it but be prepared to walk away if you don’t click and don’t think it can get better with time. What you describe are not overt red flags to be avoided.

If he's a terrible kisser he will be terrible in bed in my experience