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Original poster

Is this guy going to be dead in the bed?

95 replies

Looloolo · 05/02/2024 21:49

I found a guy in a dating app and he seems lovely via messages. A little bit of flirty sexualised comments but playful not pervy.

In person he was also lovely and we had a couple of cuddles and he kissed me twice but they were pecks… which felt tame. They weren’t even lingering.

Generally speaking he confesses to being shy and a bit backward at initiating anything with women. He said he’d be too shy to ask for what he liked.

The final thing is that he said that his two previous long term partners cheated on him and that his recent short term one went running back to her ex.

He’s got children so I know he knows where to put it and I’m thinking he could be good for me but I’m a little bit worried about sleeping with him in case it’s awful / hardwork / dull.

I’m not naive about having super high expectations of immediately transcendent sex but I haven’t dated in a very long time, not had sex in a long time and don’t want to get into a spiral of trying one disappointing man after another. I don’t want to be sleeping my way through everyone in bumble.

Has anyone already slept with ’this guy’ and could comment how it turned out?

OP posts:
KeiraKnightley2 · 06/02/2024 13:01

The guy I'm seeing is shy and my biggest worry was he'd be like this. A peck here and there!

Actually, he's very much Mr Darcy from Bridget Jones: 'Nice boys don't kiss like that' 😀 I wouldn't be hopeful OP. In any case, don't think I'd move further unless I was enjoying kissing more.

CacenCaws · 06/02/2024 13:04

Doesn't sound promising. I wouldn't bother

StarlightLady · 06/02/2024 13:27

Threecrows · 06/02/2024 12:47

I dated a bloke who talked about how all his ex’s didn’t want to have sex with him and his ex wife had an affair and left.

there was a reason. He was a bit creepy and shit in bed.

I misread this first of all. I thought he’d done something else in bed 😳.

FKAT · 06/02/2024 13:35

WavingCatsandDogs · 06/02/2024 04:18

Does he give you Fanny gallops?

This is the only question that matters really. At the moment it seems all about him - he's shy, he's restrained, he has a sad back story. What about you? Does he make you want rip all his clothes off and go at him like a barn door in a hurricane?

Also I agree with PPs that his banter is a something of a red flag. He said he’d be too shy to ask for what he liked - this sounds like a line to me.

fatphalange · 06/02/2024 13:35

Well from what you've said I've every reason to believe it's going to be...shit. Or to put it kindly, polite. But you're the one who is dating him.
Personally I wouldn't sexually desire someone who pecks me like I'm their grandma so I don't think I'd get to the finding out stage. How would it even get to penetrative sex, anyway? Foreplay usually progresses from passionate kissing, after all.

Threecrows · 06/02/2024 13:38

@StarlightLady haha! Sorry- just re read it!

*was shit in bed…

Although he did do a really noisy shit in the bathroom next to the bedroom after DTD - ick!

didn’t even try to do it quietly 🤮

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 06/02/2024 14:06

This has got to be a joke!!

and yes, I also assumed that this was about somebody actually dying.

SamW98 · 06/02/2024 15:26

Though I went on a couple of dates last year with a guy who was a fantastic kisser, really amazing. I was expecting absolute fireworks on the bedroom - and he had ED ffs 🤦‍♀️

BatteryPowerGnat · 06/02/2024 15:37

DietrichandDiMaggio · 05/02/2024 22:09

I saw the thread title in active and only clicked to find out why you thought there would be a dead bloke in a bed.

Edited

When I read the title I thought it was about a guy who was a prolific drug taker who's likely to overdose.

harerunner · 06/02/2024 16:27

SamW98 · 06/02/2024 15:26

Though I went on a couple of dates last year with a guy who was a fantastic kisser, really amazing. I was expecting absolute fireworks on the bedroom - and he had ED ffs 🤦‍♀️

Sometimes men can struggle initially with nerves which can lead to ED, but that eases when things relax with a bit of time and get a lot better!.... Depends on the severity and cause of the ED of course.

harerunner · 06/02/2024 16:32

To follow up, I once had a guy who, first time, struggled initially to "get it up"... Realising something had to change if the sex was going to continue, he went down on me for a while, this seemed to cause him to relax, and he then found and kept his erection, and proceeded to use it very well!

SamW98 · 06/02/2024 16:33

harerunner · 06/02/2024 16:27

Sometimes men can struggle initially with nerves which can lead to ED, but that eases when things relax with a bit of time and get a lot better!.... Depends on the severity and cause of the ED of course.

Show quote history

This was permanent due to a previous health issue. Even blue pills couldn’t help. And he told me before we had gone any further than kissing as he knew it could be a deal breaker.

I did feel very sorry for him when he told me but it did rule out continuing seeing him

HarkHarkBark · 06/02/2024 16:36

If you’re actually interested in him (it’s not clear), sleep with him immediately rather than wondering in the abstract. This was my philosophy in the past. Nothing worse than falling for someone and then discovering he’s a dreadful, selfish or dull sexual partner, or you have incompatible kinks.

harerunner · 06/02/2024 16:38

CopperLion · 06/02/2024 12:53

Do you actually fancy him? If so, go for it but be prepared to walk away if you don’t click and don’t think it can get better with time. What you describe are not overt red flags to be avoided.

It's wrong to say sex can't improve with time. In fact, if it doesn't, you're both not trying!

Having said that, it doesn't mean it will improve. It has to be at a certain base level, and you have to feel enthusiastic about wanting it.

Whatwouldscullydo · 06/02/2024 17:00

Sounds exhausting already tbh. Far too much work for the period thats meant to be fun .

I.wouold second the conversation. Get everything laid out. He could well be hiding issues which obviously would be best out in the open before either of you get too emotionally invested. Imo there's not much that can't be worked on provided theres honesty and a willingness to do whatever it takes to ensure you both have a good time.

But its also OK to not what to work that hard with someone who's not your partner or your husband and who you have no obligation to.

Only you can answer that

harerunner · 06/02/2024 17:23

@Looloolo

He said he’d be too shy to ask for what he liked.

Out of everything, this would be the biggest issue for me...

Peck on the cheek? Maybe he's just biding his time. He may be a great kisser when you actually do kiss!

His cuckoldry? I'd be wary, but I don't think you can be completely confident that this definitely means he's bad in bed. I find it a bit odd he's shared that though... He didn't need to, and if he had any sense, he'd realise that will raise doubts in your mind about him, not just sexually as there could
be all manner of reasons.

themusingsofaninsomniac · 06/02/2024 17:52

Poor guy! Lol..

Suck it and see 😉

UtterlyButterly2048 · 06/02/2024 19:02

You really cannot know until you give it a go! Some of the people I’ve found the biggest turn on before sex turned out to be the most disappointing. Some of the ones I’ve not been mad keen on, but have given it a go have turned out to be….spectacular! DH falls into this category. I wasn’t sure before and I have to be honest, the first time was a dud 🤦‍♀️ He wasn’t selfish though (big no for me) just unbelievably nervous. I thought he had enough potential to try again and…oh my! 20 years on, he still does it for me, every time. Give it a go op! You might be pleasantly surprised.

GiftedDog · 06/02/2024 19:13

@UtterlyButterly2048 do you mean meh at snogging but then amazing at sex or do you mean never have off sexual vibes generally?

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 06/02/2024 19:18

You’re not going to tell till you get there. I haven’t had a huge amount of sexual partners but the crazy one in the bedroom was shy with anxiety out of it. He was a bloody animal sexually!!!!

PennySittingPretty · 06/02/2024 19:22

This sounds like the one with Monica and Paul The Wine Guy, only he’s not selling it right.

Offwiththecircus · 06/02/2024 19:24

SamW98 · 06/02/2024 12:12

I’ve had the same. Guy I dated couldn’t wait to tell me he was an absolute animal in bed - turned out he was a 3 position wonder 🤣

Show quote history

Did he say what animal?

Offwiththecircus · 06/02/2024 19:25

SamW98 · 06/02/2024 12:12

I’ve had the same. Guy I dated couldn’t wait to tell me he was an absolute animal in bed - turned out he was a 3 position wonder 🤣

Show quote history

Dupe deleted

Klcak · 06/02/2024 19:26

It’s always the quiet ones…

he might be excellent

Silverbirch7 · 06/02/2024 19:26

Whocanbelieveit · 05/02/2024 21:58

“Has anyone already slept with ’this guy’ and could comment how it turned out?”
I don’t know OP, you would have to give us his name and age, then someone might say “yes I slept with Dave and he was a bit of a go’er or, no he was a bit tame” 😂

' this guy' is an anology