Should it be a dealbreaker if your partner doesn't reciprocate oral sex?

[Ralphinesonvoice]

Hi everyone!

Let’s start by me saying ; I’m not a troll, you will waste time reporting me !
Background ; I’m 45 years old and have been with my husband for 25 years.

Our sex life is quite basic and we are still doing it because I initiate it. It’s pretty much just an inter course but I give him oral but he stopped doing that a long time ago (to my chagrin) / is it normal ?

I tried talking to him about it but he makes jokes, he is awkward / He makes me feel grateful we still have sex

Deal breakers are different for each couple.

Nobody should have to perform a sexual act they don't want to.

Nobody has to stay in a sexually unfulfilling relationship.

are you one of the people on here who claim you only need to use water to wash? that would be an obvious reason as to why he doesn't do it.

Maybe my title is too strong

@Truebee Nope I’m not one of these people but I should assume that once it must have felt/smelt bad and he doesn’t want to do it anymore ? He does it when we are away from the kids in an hotel.

I have asked him, do I smell ? He said no

We just do 2 positions and he never initiates it.

Do you resent giving him oral?

it seems selfish not to offer the service in return

@NewYear24 no I love it but I don’t get much back. I don’t have much experience much that’s why I’m reaching out.

I don't know if no oral is a deal breaker, but bad sex might be? Or only one person really wanting sex might be?

It's really entirely up to you what you want to live with and what you can't live without.

I think he just go with the motion, he doesn’t really wants me but it’s a small sacrifice to endure so he does it. It’s so humiliating

I think it really depends on situation.
Say - if you are dating a new partner, and he won't reciprocate oral. In that situation, it'll be a dealbreaker for many. Even if you are not into oral sex much, it'll feel rather selfish.

In your situation - I think oral reciprocation is a red herring. You have been married for a long time, since you were very young. I presume neither of you had much experience before getting together.
And it seems that at this point your libidos are at a great mismatch. You are also, possibly experiencing peri- surge in libido. Happens to many women.

And so - the sex life you are describing is not satisfying your needs.

Whether or not it's a dealbreaker - it is a question only you can answer.

Ok maybe not a dealbreaker but yes highly unsatisfying/ he has a big penis so he thinks it’s enough, I never have orgasm (unless I use the vibrator)

You know you don't need justification to leave someone right?

Why the hell would you stay with someone for 25 years of your VERY limited life on earth if they're not fulfilling what you want or need?

You're 45. You've got a very very limited amount of good time left before age breaks your body completely. What you do with the next 20 years is your choice.

It's not been for you as you are still doing it. It would be for me and I'd of gone on strike long ago.
As for not initiating,and the rest , I'd of probably got bored and moved on by now. But that's just how I roll.

Yes I'd leave a relationship if they wouldn't perform oral.

I wouldn't try and bully them into doing it. They just wouldn't be the person for me.

I have no confidence - no one else will have me

You've been married 25 years and you only orgasm with the vibrator. Could you if he put more effort in? Honestly, if you don't orgasm because of him, that's pretty piss poor.

He sounds like his attitude to sex stinks, does he care about or understand your perspective? No wonder he's not enthusiastic about sex if he thinks it's just jackhammering away and feeling smug about a few extra inches!

I think you just need an honest discussion about whether he actually wants a sex life.

Well, that's unlikely to be true!

You can decide whether to accept this. If you decide you're not worth anything and this is as much as you deserve, things won't ever change.

What are other aspects of the relationship like, finances, division of labour (housework), spending time together etc?

I suspect he gives the bare minimum and you accept this in other areas too?

That's what you need to work on.
I'd wager that he has worn you away over the years, maybe you haven't noticed and maybe you have, but you can get it back.

Plus, so gle life isn't something to be scared of, it's preferable to being with a cunt.

@NoCloudsAllowed I have talked to him so many times. I think he really believes having a big penis is enough. You should see him when he comes and get on with things not giving a shit I didn’t come

I think his attitude says it all. He can't be bothered, isn't interested and is entitled enough to think by having sex with you he is doing you a favour. Call it a day OP, move on and find someone who will appreciate you and with whom you can have fun and a good sex life.

@SaunteringOnBy I’m trying

Good. It'd be better in the long run for you.
Plenty of guys will enthusiastically provide the services you require.
If your OH ever says anything along the lines of no one else wanting you....kick him in his cock..
Which probably isn't as big as he thinks.. go try at least 50 others to find out. Good Luck To You. ❤️

I hope not. I hate giving blowjobs and DH understands this so it's just not part of our sex life. He enjoys going down on me so he does that occasionally but I do find it a bit awkward so it doesn't happen that often!