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Relationships

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Original poster

Should it be a dealbreaker if your partner doesn't reciprocate oral sex?

56 replies

Ralphinesonvoice · 03/02/2024 22:17

Hi everyone!

Let’s start by me saying ; I’m not a troll, you will waste time reporting me !
Background ; I’m 45 years old and have been with my husband for 25 years.

Our sex life is quite basic and we are still doing it because I initiate it. It’s pretty much just an inter course but I give him oral but he stopped doing that a long time ago (to my chagrin) / is it normal ?

I tried talking to him about it but he makes jokes, he is awkward / He makes me feel grateful we still have sex

OP posts:

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 04/02/2024 11:16

Redcliffe1 · 04/02/2024 11:01

For me this would be a deal breaker - a man going down on me is one of my favourite things. A lot of men love doing it - I'd leave and take my chances. The odds are in your favour.

This

Original poster

Ralphinesonvoice · 04/02/2024 11:16

@LiveLaughCryalot I guess it’s because I crave the connection good or bad sex. One of my love language is physical touch.

OP posts:

LiveLaughCryalot · 04/02/2024 11:31

Then learn to not crave it @Ralphinesonvoice cos it is destroying your self esteem even further.
Plus, I dont know how clear you have been with him regarding how shit he is at sex but why would he listen? You continue to initiate so he will assume it can't be that bad!
I'll repeat, I could not bring myself to have sex with someone who wasn't an enthusiastic participant. It would make me feel worthless and harm my mental health so why would I? You are continuing a pattern that hurts you due to no self esteem but it's a vicious cycle. Stop initiating. Work on you, look after yourself. What makes you happy? Do more of that. Think about you for a change instead of trying to keep a connection with someone who doesn't want to be connected.

nomoretoriesforme · 04/02/2024 11:41

If you don't want to split with him due to whatever reasons, here is my suggestion for you - 1) get yourself a young lover ( they all do oral), 2) start working on your self esteem- therapy, diet, gym, more investment into yourself, 3) stop initiating sex with your husband to address the power imbalance. I guarantee that if you follow the above steps, suddenly your husband will find you sexually very attractive. You actually may not need it at that point and will be able to decide what you want to do next. Lots of love

Marineboy67 · 04/02/2024 11:44

From a man's perspective I feel there's nothing better than leaving your partner completely satisfied. For him not to reciprocate is just selfish and reflects the ignorant & naive attitude of having a big dick is all one needs. Some guys that are well hung have this over inflated confidence about themselves. I guess you have to decide how important sex is to you and do you want this for the rest of your life as its unlikely to change. Especially if he doesn't take you seriously.

AskASillyQuestion101 · 05/02/2024 11:22

Namechangefromholiday · 04/02/2024 06:37

Was he ever good with sex, ie paid attention to your needs? It doesn't sound it at all. Having a big penis doesn't make him good, although a big penis coupled with a lot of foreplay can be amazing.

For me I would have been concerned at the point he stopped doing oral sex. If my DH stopped doing that I would be really concerned and want to know what the problem was. But having said that, I'm fortunate that oral sex is something he very much loves, and loves seeing what it does to me. It isn't unusual if we have a lay in if kids at grandparents for him to focus solely on foreplay and oral sex and give me an orgasm with his tongue.

Perhaps try talking again but sounds it needs more than that to make changes. And if he doesn't want to, you can't make him

@Namechangefromholiday pretty much has it her second paragraph, OP. (Apologies to those who have said similar - I couldn't remember them all!)

Someone early on made a comment on women who only wash their vulvas with water, as if that's enough to make a woman taste/smell bad enough to put a ma off. But that's not true - at least, not in my experience. In fact, not having a shower for a couple of days makes my body more attractive for my DP, not less! I won't say any more, because this isn't really the place for it, but men who love oral sex find a woman's natural scent the biggest turn on of all (well, that and knowing they've given you pleasure!).

OP, it's your call, but I think you'd be surprised at how good it can be, if only you can get yourself into a situation where you can find out. And yes, of course if you give it you should reasonably expect to receive too - doesn't have to 1:1/like-for-like, but it can't be a one-way street that only suits him. You matter too.

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