My hubby and I are poly. We have been married over 20 years, have 2 DC and were poly before we wed and after. We are very happy in this lifestyle.
Anyway when we met our current partner (E) and realised it was going to be long term and serious (about 8 years or so ago) we sat down with our eldest child who was a teen at the time and had the conversation that mum had a boyfriend. They have always been very open minded and was absolutely fine about it all. This is when we also 'came out' to friends and family so our kids would nt ever feel like they had to keep any secrets. Almost everybody were very supportive or simply did nt really care about our personal lives in that way for it to be a problem. E has met everyone in our immediate family and friendship circles including the kids and he has been in their lives a long time now. The relationship is romantic between myself and E and he and my hubby are good friends and spend time together platonically. We have also all spent a lot of time together as a family over the years and all has been ok. Until now.
Our son is neuro-diverse and now a teen. He has completely out of the blue become very moody and quiet after E has left. ( E does nt live with us but visits often). He admitted yesterday after several episodes of this that when E and I are alone in a room together, especially if the door is closed it makes him feel bad. DS is not very good at expressing, communicating or understanding thoughts and emotions which is part of his disability but I tried to have a conversation with him so I could understand his thought process and why he was feeling uncomfortable.
To clarify E and I are not sneaking off and having sex and my son has caught us or anything of that nature. My son's definition of 'being alone' relates to mundane things like us cooking dinner together or having a conversation in a room my son is not in. (Which can a lot as E has a job that is quite difficult and he usually needs a rant about things of a quite distressing nature). I see E a lot more then me and hubby see E together at the moment and this is purely due to busy lives, conflicting work schedules and just life in general. But I think my son thinks E and I are having an affair, or his understanding of one and us being alone is proof of that fact and understandably this is then causing him confusion and upsetting feelings. He has just hit puberty and is learning sex ed at school which does nt cover when your parents have extra partners! My son is very used to seeing E and I hug, kiss and snuggle and it only seems to be us being in a separate room by ourselves that is causing the issue.
Whilst I understand the easier thing to do would to simply not be in a separate room alone with E, I also don't want my son to be controlling how I interact with my partner or for him to think it's ok to tell his mum and dad what they can and can't do. I would also like him as part of an LBTQ+ family to continue being brought up open minded, tolerant and progressive. Of course I don't want him to be distressed or feel uncomfortable but E has been part of a normal family life since my son was a toddler.
I honestly don't know how to approach this and just feel a bit stuck.