Hi everyone. I’ve woken up sad and hungover after what was meant to be a wonderful evening out with my partner last night everything ended up in a huge fight and lots of crying from me.
We have been together 4 years and have a 3 year old son and 2 year old daughter. We are also completing a massive house renovation and both have full on jobs. It has been very challenging at times and stressful dealing with two toddlers and our work - while trying to keep our relationship going.
He has done everything on the house and has worked very hard on it, every evening and weekend with a view to sell it and make lots of money in a few years.
I have recently secured a part time job to allow more time with the children and he has said that with the extra time, he wants to come home to a spotless house as I should be deep cleaning it in my spare time and have towels, plates etc aligned perfectly. I suppose because I can’t do the building work this is the deal to make things fair.
He is a very hard worker and very hard on himself and me, nothing I do seems to be right or enough for him. He also needs a lot of physical and emotional reassurance, and I have noticed that he can get very hot headed with me when he has had a drink. He has on occasion pushed me, for instance when I wasn’t quick enough grabbing a toy from my son in the bath, and he threw water over his socks. He pushed me over, grabbed the toy and made out to hit me with it and threw it violently across the room. He told me I have become fat and slow.
I used to marathon train before having children and have since stopped running gone up one dress size from an 8 to a 10. I am still slim, but cannot seem to find time to start running again and when I work out at home I am constantly interrupted.
Recently my partner has said that he is bored of our relationship. That I am austere and not fun loving and don’t make an effort with him. Last night I was trying not to yawn at dinner as I had very little sleep the night before (I always deal with the children when they are up in the night) and he took it very personally. Then he said we have nothing to talk about, that I am boring and he wanted someone fun loving and young to be with. I got very upset and just started crying. Had too much to drink and couldn’t control myself. I just let everything out and had a massive go at him - telling him I loved him, that I have never been a huggey touchy feely person (my father has never hugged me) but was trying my best to make him feel loved and appreciated - trying to help as much as I can on the house.
It just feels that every time I try and make him happy he finds a way to crush my spirit and make me feel awful about myself. That I am not good enough, have a chubby bottom, that mummy is lazy or too slow or stupid. I’m not really sure what to do as I love him and don’t want to break up the family - just don’t think I can shrug off the comments and change into the person he wants me to be.