think she likes me, she's just started dating another guy, wanna disclose: irl or text?

[seekingadvice1234]

hey mumsnet :) thought u might be able to help me... any advice really appreciated <3

situation:

UK m32 f25 we work together (I know I know) for a year and a bit.

honestly always liked her, I was in a ltr until around 6 months ago, thought about making a move since but wanted to give myself space to heal etc. also didn't want it to be a rebound thing - she's very very lovely.

still don't quite know if she likes me back, hard to read but definitely some positive signs.

she wasn't really involved with anyone for most of the time I've known her but now she's gone on a couple of dates with another boy...

I feel very strongly about this girl, I increasingly want to just say like, this is how I feel, if you are interested let me know.

regardless of whether this is a good idea or not (though any advice on that is appreciated lol) my question is...

should this statement be made in real life, or as a message?

I feel like in real life could be putting pressure on her to respond (also terrifying), but then a message is like a cop out? / would make it super awkward next time we see each other.

hindered by:

work together - don't wanna make work awkward for her.

friends - don't wanna explode friendship (also friendship group at work).

age gap - super wary of pushing anything at all cos creep factor.

motivation for disclosure:
think we could be really great together, this other guy sounds ok but yknow, so thinking I should say before it's too late / they end up a proper couple...

any advice (particularly from mid twenties women) super appreciated ty ty

I'm confused with all the abbreviations. Makes reading the posts very hard.

If she is genuinely 25 and you are only 32 it's not a creepy age gap.
I just think you only want to tell her now because she is focusing on herself and is moving on, you probably miss the attention.
A date as a walk is such a cheap date.

Not an adult. No.

Because he was in a relationship and then when he was single he wisely didn't want to rush into a rebound straight away

Seriously, you must hang out with unusual 30 somethings as no one I know in that age bracket communicates like you do.

This is not a criticism. It's just a point in relation to your comment. They may call a female a girl but they would never call a young man a boy. They'd probably say guy. Boy is very weird.

@Rania78 Errr…32 and 25 is not a big difference at all…

I agree. Only on MN would this be weird.

My longest standing friend is 8 years older than her husband. Started at 21m and 29f. 25ish years ago.
My son is 7 years older than his gf. 19 and 26 when they met. 5 years ago. Bought a house. Both professional jobs.

My own parents had 12 years between them. Very very normal.

Mumsnet is a weird world where anytime that 18 months is looked upon as creepy.

There are so many posts around here from people who've lost their way to reddit and haven't understand that we're not all mentally arrested at age 15.

@seekingadvice1234 ouch right in the personal self expression

am I not at liberty to bare my soul in the manner of my choosing?

& does that aforementioned manner preclude me from becoming a loving, caring, valuable partner?

idk lmk at ur earliest convenience tysm
Yep. No millennial speaks like this. 😂 unless you have time warped from the 1400s and have been studiously using ChatGPT to attempt to sound modern.

I'm keen to see how this pans out OP. I've been the woman in question more than once probably as I was a massive flirt in my youth 😅

Confidence is very attractive you know. I'd take your approach of suggesting the walk and make the suggestion ambiguous enough that she knows it could be a date. If she's no way interested she will make excuses and it won't be awkward.

If you end up on the maybe date then you can try -

So how serious is it with new man?
Not sure, why do you ask?
Because I'm a feeling a bit jealous...

It either gets laughed off or she dives on you.

OP I'd go with this:
"My dearest, let it be known unto thee that my heart doth flutter in thy presence, and my soul yearneth for thy company. With candor and clarity, I declare that I am smitten by thee, and I beseech thee to grant me thy favor. Pray, let us converse openly and reveal our true feelings, for in thy gaze I find solace and in thy words, I find warmth. Shall we embark upon this journey together, where honesty and affection reign supreme?"

Then get back to us and let us know the outcome

He doesn’t sound sweet to me. He was only interested in flirting (ego rub) until she started dating someone else. Now he wants to see whether he can ‘win’.

OP, you sound like you’re playing games.

Leave her alone.

Oh for goodness sakes just ask her out on a date! None of this 'it could be or could not be a date'! If I guy was so manby pamby about it I'd say no! I'd want to know if it's a date - non of this second guessing stuff!
Just ask het if she'd like to go out some time. If a guy asked me that I'd assume it was a date.
The age difference is nothing. That you work together - isn't that where many people meet their partners? As long as you aren't her boss and she isn't yours then just pull up your big boy trousers and ask her! And DO NOT TEXT!

Do people really write like that? How annoying, it's like having to translate a foreign language. I'm out. I would never date anyone who couldn't or wouldn't spell correctly in short form messaging.

OMG dnt txt! Get over slay kween bro. Tysm fr yr post, fun 2 spk 2 young bro.

There is nothing weird about this. He felt it was too soon, there is a hesitation over the age gap, there could be potential awkwardness... Now this new guy has arrived and there is an urgency before she becomes part of a proper couple and he's kicking himself later.

This shit happens all the time in the non Mumsnet world where flirting is fun, men are not the enemy and every sign of vulnerability, insecurity or want isn't an invitation for ridicule and nastiness.

Go for it! Life is short. But if the answer is no respect that.

No one under the age of about 15 usually.

This. What is it with grown ass men dating too young for them and speaking like they’re still 20. Grow tf up

Objectively:

1. You work together
2. You write so immaturely - intelligent, women who are already senior to you at work will not find that attractive - cut it out and act your age if you want a chance
3. The fact you fancy her but only decide you want to do something about it when she's seeing someone else - shitty, immature & ego driven
4. She's senior at work- is she your boss in anyway because if so don't put her in an awkward position
5. If she's career driven, she isn't going to mess up at work by having a relationship with you?
6. Do you really think MNs is the best place to canvas the opinion of 20 something year old women - really?

If I got a £ for every man at work who thought I fancied him just because I was friendly, nice or complimented his work, I'd have a lot of money. (I'm not even got gorgeous, just "office hot" - there are so women that they eventually start to find all of us attractive!). Are you sure you aren't confusing her genuine nature for attraction?

If I got a £ for every man at work who thought I fancied him just because I was friendly, nice or complimented his work, I'd have a lot of money.

^ This, x 1000. Under the age of 30 I could barely say hello to some stupid bloke at work without his thinking he was on to a winner, and I’m as average as they come.

Ditto the pub while waiting for a mate or my partner. If I made any friendly conversation to pass the time, blokes thought I fancied them. I didn’t. I’m just polite and friendly.

Leave the poor lass alone. She’s dating. If she weee interested in you, OP, she’d let you know.

She got you typing like one too.

Tell us more about the ‘teachery sessions’.