Changed my name, it'll be clear why.
Back story is a relationship of 30 years, been rocky here and there. A few years ago we went thru a tumultuous time with health, family deaths, etc and my H just became more and more distant, negative and selfish. Speaking to me badly etc. things culminated in me having a breakdown. It turned out that while I was dealing with everything my H had become addicted to porn. I was broken that he just kept me at arms length while I was going through all of this and he was constantly on porn. It all came out that he was stressed and he went to therapy. He and the therapist kept insisting I went along too, I was completely humiliated but I went. It was all about how stressed he was and things we could do to repair our relationship, never once about what his addiction and deceit did to me but Anyway.
We managed to move on with the understanding that like any addict porn was now a no go. Weve both been under a lot of stress lately and the past few months have again been rocky, he became distant, selfish, secretive, no physical contact, etc. I've had suspicions and spoke to him last week about the state our relationship is in. I asked him of he'd been watching porn again and he looked me dead and said he hadn't. But tonight he left his phone home while out and its confirmed that he's been looking at 'not reallynporn' but pages on Facebook that's porn enough. I've lost it tonight. It almost destroyed me last time. I'm in bed now and can't sleep, hes on the sofa. I just can't believe he'd jeopardise us again for seedy shit on Facebook. I don't known why I'm posting and I'm sure I'll have the 'porns not bad' people on at me. I used to be like that, if anything Ive always been more adventurous in bed and I'd watch it with him, but it changes his personality when he gets sucked in to it. Sorry for the essay, I obviously can't tell anyone and I just feel so incredibly alone.