Sex every 3-4 months and bored of it

[raspberryginplease]

I(F31) have been with my boyfriend (M31) for 3 years. We don't yet live together, but he stays with me weekends and a couple of nights through the week.
In the beginning he told me he had a low libido and i thought thats great, i like it maybe 2 x a month. But for over a year it has been going 3-4 months between doing the deed. I brought it up last year and said i would like it more, and i would like him to initiate sometimes and go on top.
Nothing changed .
I tried initiating in August last year a few times and bizarrely he "cupcaked" me (farted into his hand and put it in my face). Obviously this killed the mood.

So, I had just decided i would see to my needs myself and bought some toys ( i do this when he isnt here).
But last weekend i broke down in tears and told him i would like more sex. He said to me he didnt think he was just here for sex (which if that was the case he certainly wouldnt be here). It makes me feel unattractive and just kind of shit that he doesnt desire my body, it has had a huge affect on my self esteem. The gap between sex makes it awkward when we do do it, because im out of practice

When we do have sex it usually consists of me being on top, also if i give him a bj he doesn't offer to do anything for me. I dont expect it but it would be nice to know he cares about my pleasure. I know that he masterbates when he isn't with me.

Personality wise, he is funny and we have a great relationship outside the bedroom.

tldr: sex every 3-4 months but i would like more, he isnt bothered. Do i just carry on using my toys when he isnt here and suck it up?

Put an end to your intimate relationship. Keep him as a friend if you like. I wouldn't. Find someone who can give you the sex you need.

I guess at least he was honest.

But at only 3 years I'm afraid I would bring this one gently to a close.

End it. You're too young to be feeling this way and he sounds selfish sexually anyway. A partner SHOULD care about your pleasure.

You lost me at "cupcaked". What a loser. Just dump him. There will be someone better out there for you. Almost anyone would be better!

youre just not sexually compatible and that’s ok. End the relationship and find someone more suited.

You initiated sex and he shoved a fart on your face. How are you even with him?

Is he Def straight?

Sorry but 3/4 month gaps in a three year relationship is terrible. So your intimate a handful of times each year.

Leave before this crushes your self esteem.

Far too young for this malarkey. Move on.

I believe sex is important in a relationship. You are not comparable. He's never going to fulfil you.

I just want to add that in my previous relationship, i was the one with the low libido. So i know how it feels to not make someone happy, i dont want to pressure him but i think it is becoming an issue

Does he really have a low libido if he's masturbating more than 3/4 times a month?

This is a friend, not a partner. Keep him as a friend and find a new partner.

I often wonder if he has a fetish he doesnt want to disclose. I have asked he says he just isn't that into sex.
I brought up the cupcake scenario and he said he isnt good at picking up signals

I was going to suggest you friend zone him back, as that is what he has done to you. You are not in a relationship and haven't been for a while.

However, after reading the cupcake part he's not even friendship material. Get rid, find some standards and start enjoying your life.

@SockieSockie i do feel unattractive and honestly deflated. I like sex and i dont want to go without it tbh

@AutumnFroglets i have became more distant with him, i feel that without the sex my attraction and closeness to him is fading.
He does love me very mych and i know that, but i want him to desire me

"Cupcaked?" Why??? What an odd man.

@lostonmars i can only assume rather than saying not tonight, this was a better option in his head.
I gave up initiating after that

Are you joking??

He couldn't read that you were wanting sex but assumed you wanted a fart cupcaked into your face instead?

What signals were you giving?

Fucking weird. End it

It's hard to understand how this can be a "great relationship outside the bedroom" after reading his behaviour.

He hasn't engaged in talking with you about what you both could do to address this issue.
He's not being honest with you.
He did that utterly disgusting thing for god knows what reason.
He doesn't seem to care about you

It's one thing having different libidos but you have to be willing to talk about it to find a way through.

I'm with the "always dump a cupcaker" team.😨

@scaredofff kissing, rubbing the usual hints that worked with other men.
But then i was paranoid maybe im initiating it wrong

@Chamomileteaplease he is a lovely man. In contrast to my ex, he is funny, kind, similar interests, not angry or shouty. Its just this part that is lacking

You should end it. As you say you’d like it twice a month which for a 31 o yo without kids would be on the low side for a lot of people.
he wont change anymore than you would as he is simply not a sexual person.

@Otterhound i just feel if he can still masterbate then surely his drive isnt that low

Read all the threads of how this ends up. There's usually 2 or 3 new ones every day. If you are 50 and 20 years in with three kids it's a difficult one to decide between putting up with it or leaving. If you are 31 with no kids and 3 years in you don't have to compromise, you can move on.
I don't think he misread kissing and cuddling and stroking, I think he rejected you.
You don't even live together so there isn't even the familiarity breeding contempt excuse.
Don't even bother trying to work out reasons. It's not you, it's him. Then move on and find someone who meets what you want.