Sex every 3-4 months and bored of it

[raspberryginplease]

I(F31) have been with my boyfriend (M31) for 3 years. We don't yet live together, but he stays with me weekends and a couple of nights through the week.
In the beginning he told me he had a low libido and i thought thats great, i like it maybe 2 x a month. But for over a year it has been going 3-4 months between doing the deed. I brought it up last year and said i would like it more, and i would like him to initiate sometimes and go on top.
Nothing changed .
I tried initiating in August last year a few times and bizarrely he "cupcaked" me (farted into his hand and put it in my face). Obviously this killed the mood.

So, I had just decided i would see to my needs myself and bought some toys ( i do this when he isnt here).
But last weekend i broke down in tears and told him i would like more sex. He said to me he didnt think he was just here for sex (which if that was the case he certainly wouldnt be here). It makes me feel unattractive and just kind of shit that he doesnt desire my body, it has had a huge affect on my self esteem. The gap between sex makes it awkward when we do do it, because im out of practice

When we do have sex it usually consists of me being on top, also if i give him a bj he doesn't offer to do anything for me. I dont expect it but it would be nice to know he cares about my pleasure. I know that he masterbates when he isn't with me.

Personality wise, he is funny and we have a great relationship outside the bedroom.

tldr: sex every 3-4 months but i would like more, he isnt bothered. Do i just carry on using my toys when he isnt here and suck it up?

Sorry you’re going through this OP, I agree with others in saying you deserve so much better than this, and that’s not shallow of you at all.

I know someone else has briefly mentioned it, but from other threads that have had similar scenarios… I would be questioning his sexuality maybe?

Sorry it’s probably not want you want to hear.

I guess another option if you really want to try… if you say he masterbates, maybe invite him to do that then join in and see where it leads?

But to be totally honest, I don’t see things getting any better. And you deserve to find someone with the same sex drive as you, no more and no less. Or to at least compromise. I think for me, the red flag isn’t necessarily the lack of sex, it’s the lack of sexual effort on his part.

It's not a shallow reason to end a relationship. Being intimate is the defining feature of a relationship for most - it's what differentiates it from a friendship... at least at your phase in your relationship before children.

Please end this and move on before you waste your younger years. 3-4 times a month would be low at your age and relationship stage, let alone 3-4 times per year.

And as for "cupcakes"... well, that's a new word, but even if you were having sex 3 times a day, that's vile and disgusting enough to end the relationship.

You don't need to have a talk, you need to have "the" talk and end it.

End the relationship. You're not sexually compatible.

He cupcaked her, hardly Ted Bundy material.