Sex every 3-4 months and bored of it

[raspberryginplease]

I(F31) have been with my boyfriend (M31) for 3 years. We don't yet live together, but he stays with me weekends and a couple of nights through the week.
In the beginning he told me he had a low libido and i thought thats great, i like it maybe 2 x a month. But for over a year it has been going 3-4 months between doing the deed. I brought it up last year and said i would like it more, and i would like him to initiate sometimes and go on top.
Nothing changed .
I tried initiating in August last year a few times and bizarrely he "cupcaked" me (farted into his hand and put it in my face). Obviously this killed the mood.

So, I had just decided i would see to my needs myself and bought some toys ( i do this when he isnt here).
But last weekend i broke down in tears and told him i would like more sex. He said to me he didnt think he was just here for sex (which if that was the case he certainly wouldnt be here). It makes me feel unattractive and just kind of shit that he doesnt desire my body, it has had a huge affect on my self esteem. The gap between sex makes it awkward when we do do it, because im out of practice

When we do have sex it usually consists of me being on top, also if i give him a bj he doesn't offer to do anything for me. I dont expect it but it would be nice to know he cares about my pleasure. I know that he masterbates when he isn't with me.

Personality wise, he is funny and we have a great relationship outside the bedroom.

tldr: sex every 3-4 months but i would like more, he isnt bothered. Do i just carry on using my toys when he isnt here and suck it up?

'This part' is massive though and all the other nice stuff doesn't cancel it out. It won't get better. Come on

I tried initiating in August last year a few times and bizarrely he "cupcaked" me (farted into his hand and put it in my face). Obviously this killed the mood.

Where is your self-esteem? He'd have been single so quickly he'd have got friction burns if he'd tried that with me.

H might not be shouty or angry but he's stunningly disrespectful.

Gosh op this sounds bloody awful and trust me it will not get better. Just stay as friends. If he’s doing that farting thing when you initiate sex then I’m sure he won’t be surprised if you end it. Come on, life is far too short (nearly wrote shart!!!) for this.

@ClareBlue i just worry that its a shallow reason to leave a relationship. I kind of hoped that it could have been worked on and perhaps resolved

Oh come on OP you are better off being single and keeping yourself happy with a selection of Love Honeys finest than dealing with this shit.

A) it's not a shallow reason
b) it won't get better

This is a terrible excuse for a relationship. And he's an absolutely ridiculous, immature twat. You really need to move on and not waste any more time here.

Being better than your ex is not a good enough reason to be with him.

@SamW98 i already have a fine selection of toys because he doesnt do anything😢

It's not going to resolve. You'd get different advice if he actually want to sort the issue as well, but he doesn't.

You really can do better than this

@Sparkletastic i am starting to see that. But he is a wonderful person, its just the whole lack of sex thing

I will keep everyone posted about what happens with this. I am going to have another talk with him about it this weekend

Talking isn’t going to help. He obviously doesn’t have a high sex drive and yes he did know you were initiating but he didn’t want sex. He’s wasting your time if you actually want a sexual relationship.

@Notthesameasitwas I feel i need to have a talk, there may be a chance that we can come to a compromise of some sort

But he is a wonderful person,

bizarrely he "cupcaked" me

It makes me feel unattractive and just kind of shit that he doesnt desire my body, it has had a huge affect on my self esteem

When we do have sex it usually consists of me being on top, also if i give him a bj he doesn't offer to do anything for me. I dont expect it but it would be nice to know he cares about my pleasure. I know that he masterbates when he isn't with me.

He doesn't care enough OP. Even Eva Braun said her husband was lovely. Multiple serial killers and rapists have family members saying they are wonderful human beings usually, it's just a blip, that they are sooo lovely. The point is he is not supportive or kind to you as a partner and that makes it NOT a shallow reason to leave. But I see you are insistent on staying despite him not wanting to change.

It’s not shallow op, don’t suppress your own needs as it will become more than sex. You will end up hating him further down the line. Save the pain earlier on. There’s not a book somewhere saying it’s this man and that’s it. Your life you write it and you set your bar. Good luck op.

@AutumnFroglets im not necessarily insistent on staying, i can see there is a problem and if he loves me like he says he does this should be something we can work on. If not then it will probably be the end

@raspberryginplease don’t be so passive. Make the decision about your life and what you want.

@Frosting thank you for your comment. You put that very nicely 💗

Sorry I didn’t mean to sound harsh in my last comment, I’m projecting a bit because I wish I wasn’t being bloody passive in mine but I’m too many years in now.

It's a deal breaker.

The farting into his hand is disgusting and also a desl breaker.

You are selling yourself short. Find someone who makes you feel desired, and prioritises you. Sounds like he wants a jack the lad girlfriend he can arse around with.

He is not funny, he sounds like a twat.

@Frosting "Your life you write it and you set your bar"

• *It was this that stood out, i often forget, sounds silly, but i do. Are you in a similar situation?

@CreationNat1on when we first met, his best friend had also recently gotten into a relationship and i felt from time to time like i was a replacement for that in some ways

This. WTF? He sounds awful

You’re not really asking for much to have sex twice a month with is a really low amount but that is fine, you’ve said you have a low sex drive … your partner has none and it will slowly eat away at you and make you miserable if it hasn’t already. You are too young to be in a sexless relationship. I’m 46 (f) and my partner is 42, we have been together 4 years and manage to have it at least 3 times a week and that’s juggling jobs and 4 kids between us and we don’t live together ft! We have it because we want each other and sex is not called love making for no reason .. it’s a bonding experience, should make you closer and is another way to show love! Also puts you in a better mood… good luck xx