Hate feeling like this

[Birdy44]

I’ve been with my DP nearly 3yrs and we are due to marry this year.

My DP works 10-12hr days, 4 days a week but he gets up at 3.30am for work. He has been doing this job for 8 months and I am starting to feel like our relationship is suffering. He is understandably tired on his work days, but I just feel like I’m pushed aside on his work days, like I get a kiss and cuddle in the evening (with him usually falling asleep mid cuddle) but that’s it. We never have sex on these days and if he’s doing an extra day or two on overtime, it can be a week without. I find this so, so difficult because my love language is physical and I need that intimacy to feel loved, a kiss and cuddle doesn’t suffice and it just feels like I’m tossed to the side when he’s working and he picks me back up again on days off. I’m really struggling with this. I talk to him about it but he just reassures me that he loves me.

I feel that pushed out that I’ve signed myself up to a dating app. I wouldn’t do anything but talk. Why do I feel so needy 😞

You're due to get married but you've signed up for a dating app? Oh dear. Imagine a man writing this. He'd get slaughtered.

Helpful advice. Cheers!

So it's only on work days he's too tired for intimacy? What about the other days of the week?

If you're not happy with the relationship then do the respectful thing of talking to him, ending the relationship then sign up to the dating app.

Is this some sort of reverse? Op you can’t be serious, you’ve signed up for a dating site? If he finds out that bodes well for the wedding plans doesn’t it… You need to talk to him and sort this or your need for attention will mean your marriage is doomed

Just exactly what do you expect people to say?

This is very helpful advice. It would help you to have some empathy for your partner’s situation.

what’s the point of signing up to an app to ‘only talk’ if you are missing the physical side?

I find this post quite unbelievable actually

if you want to get married to this person, I suggest you talk to them about how you’re feeling

@Orangejuggler if you read the post you will see that I said I have tried to speak to him but he just brushes it off and tells me he loves me. But don’t actions speak louder 🤷🏻‍♀️

What "advice" is it you're looking for!? Advice on how to cheat on your soon to be husband? This has to be a wind up?

Christ, dump the poor bloke before you cheat!

And you will cheat, what kind of bollocks is "I only signed up to talk".

I feel that pushed out that I’ve signed myself up to a dating app. I wouldn’t do anything but talk. Why do I feel so needy

Because you're 12 ? 🙄

He gets up at half 3 in the morning and works 12 hours. He's basically on night shift (almost) and I am not surprised he's not up for sex or anything other than sleep when he gets home. I am amazed you are doing the deed weekly actually.

It's a shame for you both. Can he look at changing the times he is working or even changing job?

Re the dating app. Imagine he signed up for one. How would you feel?

I don't know what you expected us to say to you on that

You are not a good match. Move on.

@LifeExperience we used to be a perfect match, this is the sad thing.

@Bestyearever2024 i wish. How simple life would be eh 🙄

If this is real, your hardworking DP deserves better than you.

sorry but you sound like an idiot. Just dump the poor guy, he deserves better

OMG, OP this post is really painful for me to read. I have a son who is in his twenties and has a job where he works graveyard shifts, five days a week, 11 hours a day. To think of him living with someone like you is heart breaking, to be honest. While I understand that this must be hard for you, that you must miss your partner and the intimacy, you surely should understand how tired he must be and be able to empathize with him. Instead, you complain that your needs are not met, that he ignores you…dear, my heart goes out to your partner. Please do not merry this man. He deserves better.

How does "chatting" with random men online make up for lack of sex? Unless of course you plan to have sec with them

OP you sound extremely self centered and immature. Are you sure you are ready to get married?
You have a partner working his socks off presumably to help pay for yor wedding
and your response is to join dating sites…..
Really
The poor guy would be better with a grown up lady who would appreciate him not whine because he’s tired !
Wow !

this has got to be a wind up? imagine if a fella wrote this? he would be slaughtered... poor you, your partner who loves you and works hard does not want sexy time on the days when he's working... surely even you can understand that people working 10-12hour shifts and getting up at 4.30 in a morning will be exhausted.. i feel sorry for him, he derserves better

Christ I despair. Presumably he's not working hours like that for a laugh, but because it's necessary to pay bills etc.

Doesn't bode well for a marriage that you're so needy that a few days without sex sends you running to fucking dating apps. What would you do if your husband was ill or injured for a while, suffered ED, had to work away or there was some other of a thousand life issues that prevented sex. Dating apps I assume.

Don't marry the poor bloke, for his sake.

Leave him.

He deserves better.