Hate feeling like this

[Birdy44]

I’ve been with my DP nearly 3yrs and we are due to marry this year.

My DP works 10-12hr days, 4 days a week but he gets up at 3.30am for work. He has been doing this job for 8 months and I am starting to feel like our relationship is suffering. He is understandably tired on his work days, but I just feel like I’m pushed aside on his work days, like I get a kiss and cuddle in the evening (with him usually falling asleep mid cuddle) but that’s it. We never have sex on these days and if he’s doing an extra day or two on overtime, it can be a week without. I find this so, so difficult because my love language is physical and I need that intimacy to feel loved, a kiss and cuddle doesn’t suffice and it just feels like I’m tossed to the side when he’s working and he picks me back up again on days off. I’m really struggling with this. I talk to him about it but he just reassures me that he loves me.

I feel that pushed out that I’ve signed myself up to a dating app. I wouldn’t do anything but talk. Why do I feel so needy 😞

Sorry I agree with everyone else.

If you've done this, it's too late... but you strike me as me as someone who won't take it on board and who won't ever admit they've done wrong.

Nah......

You lost me at my love language is physical and I need that intimacy to feel loved, a kiss and cuddle doesn’t suffice. Stop rolling it up in shit and simply say I want more sex than I'm getting.

Be honest, if you've signed up for a dating app it's because you're after a shag.

Well he’s working, presumably to provide so you can pay bills and have nice things. I think you’re being unreasonable. It’s not like he’s out with his mates every night but is knackered from being up at the crack of Dawn. Why are you marrying him when you’re in dating apps when he’s out working? Sorry but that’s shocking

Sorry OP but you need to grow up.
He is working really hard by the sounds of it, of course he is tired but he is also fulfilling your needs for physical touch on days off?
Nothing wrong with him needing to rest after 12 hours (and just cuddling!)

if you need more , leave and see what else is out there.

signing up to apps while with him is disgusting behaviour to be honest which he doesn't deserve.

Wow, I hope he opens his eyes to you before it’s too late.

You sound like a spoiled brat and your DP deserves better.

If your solution to a shift in your relationship is to cheat on your fiance by joining a dating app, do this man the biggest favour of his life and leave him.

Your lack of maturity is shocking.

I think you need to try get with a new normal. This is a big change in working hours so of course he’s tired when he’s at home. If this has bothered you enough to sign up to a dating app then I’d suggest you call time on the engagement and separate. I’m not trying to be nasty but I feel you need to take some time to actually think about what you’re doing. I know you say intimacy is your love language but over time sadly relationships change and can’t always sustain a certain level of intimacy. You need to have trust in your partner and in your relationship that it’s just a lull and things will return to normal at some point.
Imagine if you’ve just had a baby, you’re exhausted and sore and not wanting sex so it’s not as regular as he’d like so he joins a dating site, how upset would you feel about this?

Honestly you need to do a shit load of internal work on yourself before you ever think of getting married.

It's working hours now. During the course of your life it could be kids/ill health/sick relatives. Life ebbs and flows and in a good relationship its working together for your overall goals.

What is your plan every time life may get busy and sex isn't a priority? Dip on line for some quick meaningless validation?

Your facing a lifetime of falling from toxic situation of your own making to another.

I feel so sorry for this poor man! Working so hard and can’t even relax in the evening without it being held against him and used as grounds for cheating.

You sound pathetic. Grow up, take responsibility for yourself and your issues, go to therapy and get off dating apps.

Love does not equal sex and vice versa! Are you a child bride?

@nononocontact nope I’m in my late 40s and unfortunately can’t help the way I feel. I was only on a dating app for 2 days and spoke to nobody. I’ve deleted it now. My DP probably is better off without me 🤷🏻‍♀️

you signed up to a dating app? Poor guy. I’m sure he’s love to work less hours. But he’s doing this to help provide for you right?

Respectfully op, speak up or leave. Don’t do this to the poor man.

You are so unreasonable. It is understandable that he does not want sex on days when working makes sleep difficult.

You are absolving yourself of a lot of responsibility with the love language bollocks.

@Songiii wrong! He goes to work to pay HIS half of the household bills etc, NOT to support me. I work to support myself. It’s not the 60’s anymore you know 🙄

Poor guy

This

You sound v high maintenance OP

Presumably you have time together 3 days per week? Most working couples would only have the weekend. I suggest setting this poor guy free and getting yourself a dildo.

Sorry am I missing something here. You're complaining about lack of intimacy / sex so you've considered signing up to a dating app but just to "talk"? If sex is what you're missing then it's clearly not just to talk is it.

So end the relationship.

Presumably DP is around 40’s too? Surely you understand working 12 hours a day plus overtime is pretty knackering! I think you are being unreasonable. If this is something that makes you turn to dating apps when you are planning to marry, then call off the wedding!

It does sound like it.
You were willing to be unfaithful to him rather than talking to him.

Wait until you’re married…
You’ll be glad to get it once a week!

He doesn't have to cater to your peri-menopausal sex surge. You are out of order. He's not 'brushing' anything off, he's said he's tired and he still loves you and still shows you affection, all true and there is nothing more he could do.
As you've said love equals sex to you, that is a wrong conclusion and you should probably have counselling for that, however, failing that, there are plenty of men out there who behave in similar ways, so go find one of them. There's nothing wrong with you DP here, he's acting as you'd expect, it's you that's odd.