How did you feel when your ex spouse remarried?

[piscofrisco]

Just that really. Dh's ex wife got engaged over the weekend. She is very high conflict and her partner even more so. So dh (and I) are now resigned to the fact that we are going to be stuck with him forever with things over the DSS's which is not an enticing thought. Dh says that's the long and short of it but I think it's natural to feel-something-when your ex gets engaged again.
When my exh gets engaged I think I will find it tricky (first because the woman he is with was my former best friend and then the OW which I still do find hard when I think about it-less often these days) but also just-it's a bit sad in a way to think of your own wedding and the hope you went into it with and I don't know-it just sort of reconfirms what a waste of time money and energy it all was. I have no feelings for ex h at all-and realistically it won't make any odds day to day. I just think it will be a bit of an odd feeling. Can anyone relate?

I can relate - I have no romantic feelings towards my ex H at all but it still knocked me a bit and was an odd feeling when he told me he’d proposed to his new partner. We’d only been divorced about 18 months at the time so I think for me it was about the feelings it stirred of being so easily replaced. Plus even if your marriage has totally broken down you still have memories of special occasions like being proposed to and the idea of them now doing that with someone else is weird. Ex H is married now and he actually didn’t tell me until after the wedding that it was happening (they eloped and didn’t have DC there). To be honest I think that was easier than knowing the date in advance! So in answer to your question - I personally think it’s totally normal to find it a bit odd.

I was relieved!

I just felt terribly sorry for the woman concerned.

I have zero feelings about it. My exdh got engaged about 6 months ago and getting married this year. I have zero feelings on the subject. I'm mildly curious about how he's doing it, but only because it will likely involve my dd so I'd like to know that she's involved as this is what she wants.

I was absolutely staggered. He was still slagging me off to anyone and everyone and saying I’d ruined his life. I’d briefly heard he’d met someone online on the grapevine and within weeks they’d gone abroad and got married.

Turns out needing a visa was a motivating factor but they’re still together and I hope they’re happy and he’s dealt with his issues.

At first I felt sorry for her but now I think they're totally suited to one another. She's 30, doesn't want children and has never worked a day in her life. He's 50 and loaded so it's all good! My teenage sons live with them a lot of the time but she doesn't bother with them much at all which is kind of nice.

I felt sad for her because she seems like a nice person.

I felt sad for myself because it ended badly - physical abuse of one of our adult children and I sort of regretted marrying him.

I hope he will be a better dad second time round - shotgun wedding as she is pregnant.

If it were to happen to me Id be delighted that he really wasn't my problem any more, id feel very sorry for the poor cow and id hope it meant id be able to get on with my own life without interfering in mine. There is no love lost there, I despise the 'man'

In bery similar circumstances to you op and they moved in together after 2 years..i know a wedding will follow.
It does make me feel sad, because my kids tell me about how they are with one another, and I can’t help but feel that if he had put that much effort into our own marriage we could have made it work, been very happy in fact.
I think its natural to be sad.

Bloody relieved as it meant he was finally unable to pursue me for money. We had a financial settlement but I wouldn't put anything past that man.

Happy for him and for her. He was a monumentally bad match for me, but there was no reason he shouldn’t find happiness with the right person.

Yes I feel the same as you op.
I don’t want to be with him but I loved our wedding day and all those hopes came to naught. Apart from 2dc. Odd feeling for sure.

I felt a bit sad, but I don’t know why. I think it’s like you say, in an ideal world, our marriage would have worked, but it didn’t, and although I would never want to be married to him again myself, I felt sad that our relationship had failed, and that my son was having to navigate new set ups.

I felt sad for the subsequent wives. Thank God he hasn't had anymore children.

Mainly curious!

We have no kids so no connection any more. That's exactly how i want it except for the fact that i like to know what people are up to

I know he had kids with another woman (via a Facebook nosey), but then suddenly he was marrying someone else so i assume that relationship must have gone wrong in some way. I would be curious to know what happened and if any of the same issues that caused difficulties for our marriage are still there. He was not a bad person in many ways, but was prone to secrecy and lying and being horrible verging on abusive when drunk. Plus he cheated on me in a dreadful way. I'd love to know if his new wife knew the details of his affair before she married him because I'd have been seriously put off by someone capable of that. But I will have to accept never knowing!

This is a very interesting thread - seems to be a broad range of replies. Disappointing for me though as I was hoping to get some insight to that behaviour or DH's ex wife who kicked up loads of trouble after allegedly being delighted he was moving on. Obviously we are not a homogeneous mass though and it was stupid of me to think I'd get answers here.

I don't have a married exH but I do remember feeling an overwhelmingly sharp stab of pain when I heard my ex was having a baby with his partner. I had loved him so intensely and when I got accidentally pregnant (yes it was accidental) he hadn't wanted it and suggested we wait a few years. I was so broken hearted after the termination the relationship went to pot.

I couldn't have cared less. It had, however, been 15 years from the time he left me for her and them getting married so all boundries had been firmly established by then.

When I found out my ex had finally moved on and got his new gf pregnant it felt a bit weird. I was already married to my now husband at this point but I still had the complex feelings of 'oh I wonder if he's changed his ways for her' 'was it me who was the problem' etc. But when I really thought about why I ended the relationship to start with: neglect, debt and gambling I realised I actually felt sorry for the poor woman. Lo and behold I was correct, as their relationship broke down after a few years. When I found out through old friends, I thought what a shame for that woman and her child, but I also felt validated in knowing the leopard never changed his spots and it was a HIM problem and not me. I think it must be difficult for people who see their exes move on and thrive because it can leave unanswered questions as to why you and he didn't work out.

@LorlieS My husband is quite a bit older than me. I don't know why there is so much negativity toward age gaps.

ExH has just got his first mortgage with his gf of a year. She's still married so no wedding in the future afaik but I just laughed. They aren't happy. Their respective kids aren't happy. It's a house of cards and I'm going to enjoy watching it fall. Evil abusive man. When he got his OW pregnant when he'd only just left me that caused a lot of tears. Not because I wanted him but because we'd been trying for a baby just before, like 2 weeks before he went off. I found someone else (didn't last) and now have an amazing ds who I'm sole parent of and he's got 4 kids to 2 different women and isn't with either of them. Sadly all the kids are badly affected by his behaviour but I have no sympathy for him at all. May he rot.

@Alittlecappuccino Not per se. It works for them. For many different reasons.

@LorlieS I think women who prefer an older man is often down to wanting a man with maturity. In my experience older men tend to value a younger partner more too. Women must naturally gravitate toward older men in general as most relationships have an older man, just not always on a larger scale of say 10+ years.

Also just curious why you think its nice your exes new woman doesn't bother with your kids if they live there a lot of the time. I think that's actually quite sad. Have to say I'm glad I didn't have kids with my first one as the idea of them going off to another family would be pretty dreadful.

Split 4-5 years (?) We had no kids so no involvement since the split luckily. Generally unpleasant selfish, violent and arrogant man who can't keep his trousers on. This was proven before I stupidly got involved and proven further during and after.

He's engaged to OW so under any other circumstances I'd feel sorry for her and the house of cards with a freight train barreling towards it she's legally tying herself to. As it happens I feel largely indifferent but no sympathy for what will eventually be.

He will never, ever change and I'm eternally grateful he's no longer my problem.

@Alittlecappuccino I think the fact he is incredibly wealthy and she doesn't want to work may just have had something to do with it!! Just an inkling...
Ex-husband is very controlling.
She told my boys she "doesn't really like children" and doesn't feel she should be involved in their lives. It is sad but her choice. What I meant was she doesn't try to "take over" and control in ways my ex loves to do.

We had no kids so luckily don't need further contact but found out recently he'd had a baby with someone (not the OW that he broke our marriage up for though). I think that affected me more than I imagined, but probably because I'm TTC now with current DH, and exDH always said he didn't want kids (so maybe just not with me).