My husband only wants HJor BJ

[Hypergirl08]

Hi my husband only wants Handjobs or Blowjobs all the time he never wants to have sex I've tried to talk to him but he just brushes it off and then we go right back again it's really bothering me now as it's been going on for years now and I do it all while he just lays there I really need some advice as I'm have ran out of things to try or do it is really knocking my confidence and self-esteem

Thanks in advance for all advice

Everyone isn't into penetrative sex. There are a lot of people who are satisfied with just hand jobs and oral only.

The problem is that you've accepted and tolerated this for a very long time, knowing that this isn't truly what you desire.

Respect his wishes and boundaries. This is just who he is in general...or perhaps only with you. There is no need for counseling nor anything else.

Just end things, be single, and have the sex you desire. Don't allow yourself to experience this again.

This is exactly what I am facing at the minute too been months since he made a move on me. I feel so unattractive and used. My partner has been through CSA and it has repressed him a lot. I think when stress mounts up for him that whole side of him shuts down. He is so loving and affectionate in public but it’s like as soon as we go home he avoids it at all costs in case it leads to me wanting sex. I asked for it yesterday as he was asking for an HJ but he said later to which I stupidly agreed. As time ticked on before I had to leave he tried to distract me with a computer game. I was so upset and annoyed I haven’t been able to communicate how I felt. I was just throwing things around as I got ready for work and snapping at him. Then as I go to leave he starts having a mild panic attack which later turned into him saying he is going to end up in A&E. I felt guilty and then was unable to bring up my feelings with him all night. I suspect he is disconnected when it’s a handjob and doesn’t think the same as if he was to have to pay attention to me and the situation. I think you’re partner may be doing the same and has probably experienced SA at some point. Whatever the reason if we love our partners we need to express our feelings and find ways to re establish the sexual relationship or we are just going to continue to go through hell. If you read this I know it’s almost a year on please reply and let me know how you dealt with it. I need all the tips and advice I can get not just to be told to shut down and let him stew. Best wishes xxx

There is absolutely no reason he shouldn’t at least be reciprocating even if he doesn’t enjoy vaginal sex. I know being treated to special attention can be wonderful but it shouldn’t be everything. Have you asked him why he doesn’t want to have sex?. Try telling him to go down on you occasionally or at least try a 69. If he refuses then he’s clearly too selfish to deserve what you have to offer.

What on earth have I just read

Well, no one else is saying it so I’ll say there’s something about having sex with you. He doesn’t like. You have to figure out what that is. Do you stay in shape? Have you tried to keep your body and appearance attractive to him? Do you have good hygiene? Do you know how he wants you to trim down there? Do you put any effort into knowing these things?

Wtf how could you let this go on for years?!

There’s no intimacy between you

Victim blaming much?

What about he actually says what’s his problem rather than denying/ignoring?
Ot stringing the OP along?

And the OP or anyone else for that matter should not start ‘trimming down there’ if they dont want to. Nor should the answer automatically be ‘well if he doesn’t want sex with you, it’s because YOU have left yourself go, put on weight or don’t do all the interesting things HE wants’. Never mind he gets his jollies but the OP doesn’t get anything at all….

Is he having sex with someone else?

They don’t have to do any of it. Don’t take care of it let it grow out. Don’t try to stay in shape. Don’t have a nice body. Just don’t complain that he doesn’t want to have sex with you. Except that you’re no longer presenting to him what he wants.That’s fine.

My first thought too.

or unbelievably selfish and disrespectful.

My personal belief, and it's just my opinion, is that @123Mandy123 is a man.

He sounds grim! Mix some chili paste with lube, give him one last HJ to remember then LTB

This thread was 9 months old

Totally agree!

Indeed.

It’s wrong, but that did make me laugh.
my feeling is this is true, and OP hasn’t been back for a while because she is a bit shocked at the vehemence of the responses, as she’s been putting up with this for a long time.

Despicable, blameshifting comment.

Why are you still with that man?

He sounds awful and selfish.