“Respect” he says

[Zok]

Dh has come
up and opened and close front door twice when baby is sleeping downstairs

I called from upstairs “ baby sleeping “ in a whispering yet loud voice which maybe didn’t sound great
and he called back “respect”

then he came up and said I had used a nasty tone with him
im now weeping as wasn’t my intention I told him I didn’t want to sound “malicious “

he said the fact I said malicious implies I was being that

I can’t take
it anymore I feel very low

same
man that sometimes snatches things and tells me “OKAYA” in a loud sarcastic voice when I tel him how to wash vegetables

I’m desperate to leave but be has recordings of me scratching him and being loud during my autistic meltdowns trying to get his phone away .

What would a women’s shelter be like ?
I have savings but if I rent somewhere he said I would be kidnapping the kids if I don’t tell him where I’m going

my parents aren’t much use my own mother was abused emotionally

He’s also sent me a video today of a woman saying that respect means love to men

he also wants me to say please for every little thing
i haven’t been great with pls in the past

but Currently in injured from the birth and need him to bring me quite a lot of stuff and saying pls every few minutes feels silly

Oh tell him to fuck off he’s a manipulative bastard! No if you go to a women’s refuge it will not be classed as kidnap! Once you are in there he will not know where you are or how to find you as they usually send vulnerable women to a shelter miles away so that they cannot be found. HE will have to apply to court if he wants to see his child. Escaping from him and taking your baby is NOT kidnap, it’s called escaping abuse.

Please research narcissistic abuse and gaslighting on google! It will tell you all you need to know about his type

What an absolute tosser demanding you respect him but he doesn’t respect you back!

He says my loud whisper didn’t sound respectful

abs sounded like a witch

I told him witch isn’t a respectable word

he said he didn’t call me a witch “ like a witch “

then I wailed where can I go

and he said H - E-L -L

He’s been a manipulative knob! And he wouldn’t last 2 minutes if he lived with me! I’d teach him what respect is alright!

Any decent person knows what you mean if you whisper to them because of your sleeping child!

Please get yourself and your baby away from him op. He is evil and cruel and emotionally abusing you and then gaslighting you by turning it around and making it look like you are the abuser!

My kids aren’t going to have their tv and Nintendo at the refuge and they will not like it

and he knows by having the old recordings of me he has leverage he can show the authorities

I’m so sorry you’re in this situation @Zok. He sounds very abusive and it’s a particularly dangerous time while you’re so reliant on him following a birth injury. Please call women’s aid as soon as you can, they will believe you.

In the meantime, don’t waste precious energy trying to understand him or see things from his point of view by questioning if he has a point. His motive is to control you which includes gaslighting.

I really hope you and your children find peace away from him soon x

He says he’s done lots of things for me today like buying food and errands and I didn’t say thanks

but I am grateful but I can’t say thanks all the time

If You are diagnosed asd then the videos will mean nothing! You won’t be in the refuge forever as they will be able to help you with housing etc. Just get yourself and your kids out of there asap. If your kids are exposed to this for too long they will also grow up with all sorts of mental issues as it won’t be just you he treats in this way, it will be the children too. And then your children may grow up thinking it’s normal behaviour

He’s done these things for you has he? Or maybe they are every day jobs that he should be doing as a partnership with you! He is manipulating you again by telling you he’s done all these good deeds for you and making you feel as if you should be grateful in some way

Call women’s aid

there is another life for you and your children

He's crazy.

My husband and I don't say please and thank you every time. It's implied.

I've stage whispered urgently and he's not demanding respect.

Please get help

He has recordings of me from the past shouting /scratching him trying to get his phone away

he’s always said if I report him for emotional abuse he will show people the recordings so he has me trapped

if he doesn’t like me why doesn’t he just leave I just hate everything

he’s charming in front of health visitors

in the past when I accessed counselling via video calls he would sometimes stand at the doorway to check I wasn’t talking about him

I know he feels disrespected and there’s no intimacy or love

He doesn't have what he's brainwashed you to think OP. He can't use that against you. Questions would be asked on why he has recordings and why has he waited to use them as blackmail when you've got away from him.

Your first priority is to get away from him.

Contact womens aid

Yup he’s just a manipulative narcissistic little prick thinking he’s special - like a God and that op should worship him! I’d love to tell him what a small cock he has and how shit he is in bed and that he doesn’t keep me happy and make him feel like shit!

The videos don’t trap you

at all

It’s complicated
house needs to be sold as we own it unequal shares
he wouldn’t try to stop us separating

but he’ll always be in our lives

the local woman’s aid goes straight to voice mail although I have contacted them in the past

I know if I decide to go to my parents he’d just say GO happy to have the house to himself

It's not complicated

And next time he stands there when you have counselling TELL THE COUNSELLOR there and then.

Don't allow him to manipulate

Assuming you are in the UK, he CANNOT stop you separating! He may opt to defend the divorce but even so, it probably won’t get him anywhere. I have been through this exact situation myself! No judge in a family court is going to rule that you cannot have a divorce if you are being abused. What usually happens during a divorce is that the person who has residency of the children gets to keep the house until they are 18.

Honestly op, a judge, solicitor and any health professional are trained in spotting abuse and safeguarding! A judge in a family court is faced with this sort of situation on a daily basis! They will KNOW he is being manipulative. He is just using the videos as blackmail to make sure you keep your mouth shut and don’t leave him so he can keep you where he wants you and abuse you further! If he ever played these videos in court (which I doubt it would ever come to that) a judge will see exactly who is the victim and who is causing it! And it won’t be you! They know what abusers are like and you won’t be the first person who has been recorded having a meltdown by someone who has been abusing them, they hear/ see it on a daily basis!

If he’s emotionally abusive and he shows them I scratched him then kids might end up with neither of us

they might think we are both toxic

he’s misreading my intentions all the time as bad
I think tonight I will speak to him about separation but in Islam if the women initiates it he gets to keep the bridal money

I run an online business and all my stock is here I don’t think it would fit in the refuge room

I showed him an article about men who demand respect all the time and he said

“haha you digger very deep to find an article typical!”

I wouldn’t want to stay in this particular house as the secondary schools around here aren’t very good so would need his permission for selling anyway

No they won’t! He really has brainwashed you hasn’t he. They aren’t going to take your kids away just from a few scratches from scuffles of you trying to stop him filming you and moving the phone away!

Will council housing application people tell the police if I select reason for needing to apply for a property as domestic abuse ?

Why not out of interest?