“Respect” he says

[Zok]

Dh has come
up and opened and close front door twice when baby is sleeping downstairs

I called from upstairs “ baby sleeping “ in a whispering yet loud voice which maybe didn’t sound great
and he called back “respect”

then he came up and said I had used a nasty tone with him
im now weeping as wasn’t my intention I told him I didn’t want to sound “malicious “

he said the fact I said malicious implies I was being that

I can’t take
it anymore I feel very low

same
man that sometimes snatches things and tells me “OKAYA” in a loud sarcastic voice when I tel him how to wash vegetables

I’m desperate to leave but be has recordings of me scratching him and being loud during my autistic meltdowns trying to get his phone away .

What would a women’s shelter be like ?
I have savings but if I rent somewhere he said I would be kidnapping the kids if I don’t tell him where I’m going

my parents aren’t much use my own mother was abused emotionally

he went alone

I’m trying to see what he means by respect and basically he doesn’t want me treating him like a kid telling him “obvious things” like be quiet around baby

yes he still wants a holiday to Mosul
it does look safe but I wouldn’t go without my parents . His family are nice although they didn’t message me after the birth they only messaged him.

all of you have given me some good advice I don’t have any friends and felt upset when the midwife discharged me as I liked talking to her

Yes I’m quite patronising I don’t mean to be it’s my way of controlling the environment to avoid anxiety

I’ve seen him washing fruit and veg for 2 seconds and that isn’t enough

when he brushes kids teeth it’s not thorough enough

Sometimes it’s 8.30pm and there’s no sign of him starting the bedtime routine unless I intervene

in morning he doesn’t hear his alarm and I have to call him sometimes (he’s on sofa )

I can’t fully relax

He said when someone comes back home from work it’s not nice that first thing he hears is “quiet baby sleeping “ in a high pitched whisper tone /witchy like

and he says I am critical of any sounds he makes especially in kitchen where he shuts cupboards loudly without realising

later he said “H-E-L-L” when I asked him where am I meant to go “

to get him to apologise I had to extract it out of him over a few hours and eventually he did sarcastically didn’t sound like he meant it

you can't relax but neither can he - you control his environment as much as your try to control yours. Yes, he is an asshole, but if someone greeted me with scolding on entering a house or kept telling me I close cupboards in wrong way I'd tell them to go to hell too

you should definitely separate because you're not good for each other - but you're as much of a victim as you are an abuser

Why are you so worried about noise? Babies learn to sleep in an environment if you keep it silent anything disturbed them if you have normal household noises they sleep through.

Most parents message their own child unless you set up a family WhatsApp or similar.