“Respect” he says

[Zok]

Dh has come
up and opened and close front door twice when baby is sleeping downstairs

I called from upstairs “ baby sleeping “ in a whispering yet loud voice which maybe didn’t sound great
and he called back “respect”

then he came up and said I had used a nasty tone with him
im now weeping as wasn’t my intention I told him I didn’t want to sound “malicious “

he said the fact I said malicious implies I was being that

I can’t take
it anymore I feel very low

same
man that sometimes snatches things and tells me “OKAYA” in a loud sarcastic voice when I tel him how to wash vegetables

I’m desperate to leave but be has recordings of me scratching him and being loud during my autistic meltdowns trying to get his phone away .

What would a women’s shelter be like ?
I have savings but if I rent somewhere he said I would be kidnapping the kids if I don’t tell him where I’m going

my parents aren’t much use my own mother was abused emotionally

Why should she have to? It’s general every day errands! Why should op have to be grateful and say thanks when it should be his job as well as hers? The man is crazy and demanding she worships him like a God ffs!

He sounds like a pathetic, spiteful little dweeb with a permanently bruised ego. I think you would be much happier without him (and he would have much more time for wanking and nodding along to Andrew Tate, so everyone's a winner)

You’ve posted him about a few times before. You’re not going to get any different advice to the previous times.

I was just about to say that @Snowdropsareontheirway

OP you've had an awful lot of supportive advice .
You need to act on it instead of repeatedly coming on here saying almost the same thing every time.

You mentioned you are a Muslim, it doesn't matter who requests the divorce, it will still go through. And I know you mention the bridal money, don't stay in this damaging relationship for money, it'll cost alot more mentally than your bridal money. Let him have it!
Do you have anyone else you can store your stuff with?

Well he come back now and said he picked up my medication and I said thanks and he responded your welcome in a cartoon voice it just feels weird this dynamic

Oh @Zok I had hope you had escaped this bastard and it's so sad to hear you're still there and your children are still in this toxic and abusive dynamic.

Has there been any update on the trip he wanted you and the kids to go on? I really hope you've managed to find a way for it not to happen.

As we told you before, letting them go would be a massive mistake that could have consequences you can never undo.

The scratching video so I can't leave was posted in the summer please tell me it's not you still?

oh its you again...perhaps you should stop assaulting your husband over smell of bathroom furniture then he wont have anything to record

Edit: seriously. just leave, you are both awful to each other but you physically attacking him won't make a divorce easier for you

And if they do what's the problem everyone on all of your threads tells you it's not a problem if you don't care about your self at least help your children out of this abuse because they are being abused too. A good Muslim man makes his wife happy and cares for her he is not a good man.

I didn’t assault him over any smell I just had a verbal meltdown and he started recording

In December I did make a police report about emotional control but I retracted it and I told
him about it and he said he would show the recordings and make his own case

I’ve told him many times today I never whispered loudly in a nasty way but he can’t be convinced . he said I treat him like a kid and I should know he wouldn’t be loud near the baby

he said he’ll apologise for saying “respect “ if I apologise for whispering in a nasty way

I haven’t been good at the beginning of the marriage and he holds grudges
I also insulted husbands family out of jealousy at times as he was close to his siblings.
i also became upset when he said he would save his sister over me.

I’d always had the idea in my mind that I would be the most important person to any man I married.
im not sure if he’s Aspergers as well he rarely if ever complimented me and though he denies marrying me for the U.K. visa he didn’t have many good prospects in Iraq

I’ve told him I’m feeling sad and down and he says I did this to myself
he never apologises

when I call him out for anything it’s always a response to something “I’ve done “

I’ve asked him why he’s nice to other people and he says because they respect him and don’t order him around

anyway I will look into renting I don’t think they give council homes to people with savings

he'll never leave first money is a big motivator for him to stay he’ll never want to lose by renting

Wow he sounds like he went to the same abusive wanker school as my ex! Constantly treading on eggshells, always having to use the right tone, manners ott it was exhausting.

I met someone else and even tho I know my ex was a total arsehole, I still slip into saying please and thankyou quite a bit. My new bloke is always saying you have nothing to be thankful for, I'm just doing what any other human should do to help another. It's really illuminated just how abnormal the relationship with my ex was.

Also my ex said the same about the kid thing and he ran off with them. So before you do anything, get legal advice and speak to Dr's and women's aid/ local refuges for support and back up because men like this will do anything to hurt you. And I'd you cam gather evidence against him do that- luckily my ex was also a bit thick with the type of messages he would send me, which helped when going through custody battle.

Unfortunately

Because he’s done a lot like driving around to shop for various things I needed after the birth , cleaned the house I don’t know if he’s looking for recognition and I don’t say thanks

he also filmed him holding me during labour whilst I was having a contraction as he said we’d want to remember it but I want him to delete it .

anyway in the last few minutes I’ve said pls a few times it just feels awkward

can you take clothes to the dryer PLS

hes offered to make me a smoothie now

it’s so confusing living here

he doesn’t like me ordering him around but when he steps over a coat on the floor several times and doesn’t pick it up I can’t help but nag

Who cares if he has those videos, what on earth can he do with those? If he threatens to send videos to people without permission then you tell him you’re going to the police. Contact women’s aid and they will be able to help you take steps to leave

Has there been any update on the trip he wanted you and the kids to go on? I really hope you've managed to find a way for it not to happen.

As we told you before, letting them go would be a massive mistake that could have consequences you can never undo.

I didn’t go on the trip he went himself
although until we book Iraq he says there won’t be any other abroad trips

Just to be clear do you mean he still wants to take the kids to Iraq for a holiday?

Did he take them on the trip you mention in this post?

@Zok apologies if you have stated it already, but do you have an official diagnosis of autism?

If you do then the recordings he has of your meltdowns will work against him, especially if he has managed to capture himself winding you up

There's a lot going on here, way beyond this particular incident.

You don't need to tiptoe around babies, opening and closing doors in a normal (non slamming way) is perfectly OK background noise when babies are taking daytime naps. As for the vegetables, why are you teaching a grown ass man to wash veg? That is patronising ngl.

This is a hugely toxic environment that you have both contributed to IMO, so I'd definitely separate for the sake of your kids. As for the recordings, so what? What's he actually going to do? They're not videos of you assaulting your kids FFS, so I highly doubt the authorities will do anything.

Iraq?! Fuck that, do not take your kids there!

This is what I said, what exactly can he do with them?! Nothing is the answer to that.