Did you want a rich man? How did it work out?

[Cakelollipop]

Growing up and still today there’s lyrics in songs about bagging a rich man and it’s still a comment that I hear occasionally.

I’ve always found the idea of a v rich man a turn off I don’t know why.

Did you grow up wanting a v rich man? Did you get one? How did it work out?

No, but I wanted to become rich in my own right through my own efforts

when I was a child, I told everyone repeatedly I wanted to be a nun and never wanted to get married. Well.... that has worked out well. despite my best efforts I've pretty much lived the life of a nun and tbh quite happy with it now and wouldn't want it any other way. unless the rich man in question had billions and just wanted to give me the money with no desire for a relationship, I wouldn't be interested.

No. I wanted to be able to support myself. I was very clear about that from a young age. It would have been nice to find a husband to share that with, but not strictly necessary!!

Didn't marry a wealthy man but an ambitious one. I suppose we are now 'wealthy' due to some good luck and wise financial decisions.

I married a rich man, without realising how rich he was until after we started our relationship.

I know he was "well off" when I moved in with him and asked what my contribution should be towards bills, etc and he said for me to just pay for food shopping because his dividend payments covered mortgage and all bills. (I didn't really have a clue what it meant but went along with it)

We've now been together 10 years, married 7 this year, 2 kids and have a pre nup. We also live in a mortgage free house and have little financial worries.

It was never my intention to marry a rich man

I married a man who when I started dating him had had nothing except debts, no home, no furniture, no savings and only a few clothes.
He moved in with me, I used my student loans to pay for a deposit on a house with a cash back mortgage. The cash back then paid for our wedding. Through him climbing the career ladder we got rich, and it’s been great, I can’t think of any downsides.

I don't know about wanting someone rich, but I wouldn't ever have married someone to live a worse off life than I was before.

😂 Far from it! I’m a scientist

Exactly - I know it’s a bit tongue in cheek but I just wondered how much truth in it. Got to be true for some or wouldn’t be songs about it!

I’m same as you. Wanted someone kind, hard working but don’t care what job as long as bringing something to the table

very very wise words!

Sounds like you built a great life together. Very happy for you both. ❤️

I am very very sorry for your experience and I hope all is ok now x

I have always felt the same

I wanted a partner who earned a similar salary to me due to how I wanted my life to continue to be. It worked, we're very happy.

What is your pre nup for?

I think this is why I always found the idea a turn off

I wanted a partner who earned similar to me (additional rate earner) however they were in short supply, so I started a family with someone who earned much less than me (just into the higher rate tax).

Instead of embracing the fact we had a combined enhanced financial position, he became resentful and eventually contemptuous of me, so I eventually left with the DC.

Now looking again in my early 40's I'd like a DP who has his life together (as I do), and once again, it's like trying to find a needle in a haystack.

No, an equal/partnership.

Thanks for all your insightful responses.

Some lovely stories on here - happy for you! For those who have struggled or struggling I’m sorry and sending love. 🧡

I agree with a lot on here about being independent and choosing someone nice but with a work ethic (ie not lazy!)

My Dad was the above type of man and so as a kid we were not rich but comfortable so I wanted for nothing as a kid, plus he instilled working hard in me, so I’ve never particularly been impressed by money as I could get what I wanted for myself (by relying on myself). I’ve always been more impressed by character. I was also always concerned with ending up with a workaholic absent husband type which wouldn’t be for me.

That aside absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be taken care of or wanting a rich man etc. It’s interesting to see another viewpoint. And I do raise an eyebrow at the songs about wanting a rich man (I can’t think of a lyric off the top of my head) but I do find the woman’s ambition at finding a rich man quite intriguing and also want to know how they do it? 😂 (probably in the case of these successful female artists by being rich themselves which in their case is probably a fair enough want haha)

This is the type of song I am thinking of 😂

I am sorry for your experience @Starseeking. I completely understand why you’d want a similar earner to you in your position as I’ve read several articles about men feeling emasculated if their partner earns more. Obviously not all men will be this way! There’s no need to be contemptuous when you’re a team!

Also @Starseeking i had an ex who really didn’t have his s**t together and got pissy when I wouldn’t move in with him. Why would I? 😂

DH is wealthy rather than mega rich, but I used to earn more in the early days. We’re very comfortable - luckily as we have a SEN DS and my job has had to take a back seat. I’m from a council house background! Luckily he’s a keeper - from a different culture that isn’t class-ridden and is so much more hard working than some UK men I foolishly dated.

ExH started company after we had been married 20 years or so, company did well, he become well off when company sold and then buggered off with his secretary who was 20 years his junior.

I would draw Mumsnetters attention to the great version of Santa Baby by Miley Cyrus who speaks for me on this issue