Would you be hurt by this or am I overreacting?

[Esther12]

I have been with my boyfriend almost 1 year, we are early 30s.
from I met he has always referenced how good a kisser he is, everyone has commented on it etc. to be fair I really do enjoy kissing him.
last night we were talking about our first date and first kiss and I asked if he thought I was a good kisser after our first kiss and he said no and laughed. He obviously seen my face and then followed it up with saying that he loves kissing me now but he didn’t know me back then and he did come away from the kiss and thought “I’m definitely a better kisser than her”. It’s really hurt my feelings (and ego too probably) and I just feel it was an unnecessary comment to make but maybe I shouldn’t have asked?. would you be hurt by this?

Also f) my first kiss with my DP was nice but unremarkable. The more we got to know each other the better it got, and the hotter everything else got. My first kiss with the previous guy made me orgasm in a public place. He was a twat.

Not read the whole thread but I have read the OP and a few of the other posts.

I might sound naive but what is a "good kisser" anyway?

In my book it is someone who is sensitive to the other person and wants to convey affection and give pleasure to the other person.

If that is the definition then telling someone later on that when they first kissed you you were "rubbish" at it is enough to suggest the person giving that feedback is insensitive and arrogant and most likely is not the great kisser they think they are?

"from I met he has always referenced how good a kisser he is, everyone has commented on it etc. to be fair I really do enjoy kissing him."

Heres your problem.
You are with someone who right from the get-go decided that he would announce to the person he was about to get into a relationship with that he was a good kisser. Even better for him, you eagerly agreed with him - as you say "to be fair.... " etc

What a tosser.

Sounds to me like when he met you he was extremely insecure about his own kissing technique and deliberately picked someone like you who either was less experienced so would not know any better or someone who he thought he could "sell himself"to in this way and you would ask no questions. I think this speaks more to the dynamic of your relationship than whether he is a good kisser or not (which I would not assume from the info you have given in the OP).

This, all of this!

Ugh, him going on about what a good kisser he is is making me cringe! It sounds like such a minor thing but I honestly think this would be a deal breaker for me. A truly good kisser would understand that it's an interaction between two people that requires compatibility, style adjustments, chemistry between you and intuition not something that is "done" to one person by another "expert".

I just can't imagine having a conversation with a grown man who brags about being a good kisser. It just doesn't compute. I can't remember ever telling a man he was a good kisser, can you? I remember telling my friends in school that some random at a disco was a good kisser but that's about it.

Is he arrogant in other ways or just about his kissing skills?

WTF, is that really his only flex? That he thinks he's a good kisser?! It sounds like someone told him that when he was 15 and he's made it a whole personality trait.

I can't believe you didn't get the ick the first time he said it.

After he said “Best kiss of your life right?”, did he wink?

Honestly he sounds like a thick, insecure tosser who once had a girl pull back and wipe her mouth in horror after an early kiss.

Never ask a question of someone who you always want to tell you the truth if there is any possibility that you don't want to actually hear the truth.

But bragging that you know you're a good kisser? That's the Ick Factor right there!

everyone has commented on it etc. Everyone as in... friends that he previously kissed? Or is he simply so obsessed with his kissing skills that he has previously informed other people about them?

I had this very same conversation with my boyfriend. We ended up splitting up. Oh, and did I mention we were both 14 at the time?

I'll be honest when I first kissed DH I thought 'I've had better kisses than that / I'm a better kisser than him'
It wasn't a bad kiss by any means, we just kissed differently I guess. Over time we have got used to each others mouths and our kisses are great. (I know that sounds weird ha)

You asked him and he told you. I don't see the issue. But I have to say it's not something I ever thought about it's only prompted those thoughts when I read your OP. So it might not be something he thinks about, only because you've asked him.

Although saying 'everyone comments on my good kisses' is weird af

Geez, next he'll be saying I'm the best lover you are gonna have🙄. Somehow missing that even with kissing it's down to individual taste, so the best he can say is you're compatible with each other.
He sounds like he has a fragile ego that needs constant stroking and is not above bringing others down to shine above them - not a nice trait.
The best kisses can become the worst when done by lips attached to a dickish man giving the ick factor.
If he mentions it again, tell him he sounds insecure.

Dont ask if you dont want to know 😂

I think kissing styles change and adapt as you grow with a person. I've had some great first kisses but it's been because I really wanted to kiss the person. I adapt to the kisser most the time. As long as there is no excess drool in my mouth or I'm not gagging on a long tongue it is all good. I wouldn't be offended if my initial kiss was not 'amazing' but I wouldn't kiss a person a second time if it was horrific so it cannot of been that bad!

How old are you both? So weird to be rating each other on your kissing skills.

Early 30s and he goes on about his kissing skills - that would put me off. He clearly wasn't that fussed as you're together.
If I wanted to be childish - I would have replied - yeah great kisser - shit shag!

Just how many people had this guy kissed that it's something 'everyone' says?
Pretty minor issue, not like my friends whose husband of 30 years told her he didn't fancy her when they first met (even though they spent the night together)!

When I first kissed my boyfriend it wasn't great (he took the lead) but now it's outstanding. Back then we didn't know each other but the connection got better and better.

But your boyfriend sounds like a bit of a prick!

Sounds like he set that conversation up TO tell you you were not a good kisser.

That and the fact that he BRAGS about being a good kisser AND he says 'everyone says' (abusive people buzz phrase btw) and you're on here asking if other people would be hurt or you are 'overreacting' to such obviously hurtful behaviour (abusers like to convince you you overreact. AND that you have no right to find obviously hurtful behaviour, hurtful).

There's some big red flags here potentially op. Amd I know it's a buzz word but I think you might be dealing with a narcissist (as in npd).

I've said it a million times on this site but ' if you ever, EVER find yourself having to explain to a grown adult why obviously hurtful behaviour is hurtful - you are in an abusive relationship.

I strongly suspect this isn't a fluke, that he is up to no good, testing the waters to abuse you. If it's not been going on already. But way you can verify this are to look for other red flags of abusers.

It sound like this guy may be targeting your self esteem so things go look out for are - little digs that if you call him on, he tells you to lighten up or 'it's just a joke', comparing you unfavorabley to other women eg, 'I wish you'd dress more like her (woman on tv), always taking the opposite view to you in any subject ife starts to feel like one big ongoing argument/provocation for one) taking the side of anyone who has upset you (under the guise of 'I'm only giving you their side of things') and implying you might be the person who has done something wrong not them.

Also Mentioning an ex or some other woman a lot as if he's still hung up on her (to make you feel insecure). Commenting on any insecurities you have, disguising it as 'on trying to help' - for example, telling you your bum looks too big in a dress that they know you really like to wear.

Telling you 'everyone thinks' or 'everyone says' something about you (or that one of your friends/family think something about you - as abusers often want to alienate you from family).

Laughing at or belittling any hobbies/ambitions/dreams you have. Not supportive or complimentary of your achievements. Eg, if you get a promotion they might imply you didn't deserve it or its just not a big deal.

Things to look out for.

I can only imagine his thinking that he is such a great kisser because 'everyone' says so, is likely because he used his little line of 'best kiss ever right?' and because the rest of society are not dicks (like him) they say 'yes, it was the best kiss ever.'
Because most people would want their partner to feel good, not like shit!

I'd be hurt by that comment. there was no need whatsoever for him to say that. Unless you were asking him for a complete dissection of how you kiss and what you could do better his response should of been along the lines of 'yes, best kiss of my life too'.
What a twat.

At risk of sounding harsh, you kinda deserved it as you were clearly fishing for compliments!!

What did you expect him to say? 'Yeah you were amazing'. Is there any other answer that would have been acceptable to you?!

This all sounds very “young”
he’s a difficult mixture of conceit and insecurity, like he’s a teenager still! I couldn’t look at him right anymore.

Bragging about one’s competency in sex related behaviours…actually, bragging about anything, is an automatic turn off. Don’t confuse confidence with arrogance.