I have, and I'm genuinely confused. OP's partner was never once mentioned in my post. I mentioned my own experience of the same kind of shite, from MY partner, and what turned out to be the instigating factor behind it. No mention of OP's partner anywhere in my post?
So where have I disappointed you by excusing the OPs partners behaviour, when the only partner mentioned in my post is my own?
You have implied In your response my belief is that a mental health condition makes it OK if abuse is occurring and therefore people should live with it. But again I'm not seeing how you've come to that opinion when there are 3 things mentioned in my post. 1. My acknowledgement to what OP is going through and telling her I've dealt with the same myself in the past from MY partner.
2. The name of the mental health condition he has since been diagnosed with as well as one of the many symptoms that come along with that condition as its a cause of some behaviours mentioned in MY partner, and in what circumstances that symptom would rear its ugly head. ( this part if anything was me acknowledging he has a diagnosed illness that can cause these issues, whereas OPs partner doesn't. In my eyes thats me saying, for OPs partner it's totally inexcusable, compared to my situation where I have some kind of medical explanation to at least give understanding to an extent)
- If OP wanted to stick around then my opinion wouldn't be to stick around if he wasn't willing to seek help.
Out of the 3 things I have spoken about in my post, I don't see the part where I say mental health makes it OK to be abusive, Therefore, live with it?
I'm aware violence is not just physical seen as my original posts first sentence begins, 'my partner used to behave exactly like this', referring to the many issues OP is having with her partners behaviour, which includes none physical abusive behaviour that ive been on the receiving end of myself. I'm fully aware that abusive behaviour does not have to be physical given my own situation.
And finally I cannot see how anything I have said would make OP doubt herself Evan more into believing she is the problem, nor have I anywhere suggested she fixes him.
Again, given my own situation, I'm well aware noone else can 'fix' another person. Hence my response that If wanting to stay in the relationship, I'd only do so if the partner seeked help. Simply becasue that's my opinion. If you don't want to stay then don't, if you do want to stay then my opinion would be there's absolutely no way without the partner seeking help. That comment itself makes a lot of sense coming from a person who's been on the receiving end and come out the other side. If OP intends to stay and would like to know, why now being out the other side of it, I feel seeking help is a must in this situation, she would be welcome to ask and I'd be happy to answer truthfully.
If she doesn't intend to stay then it doesn't apply to her plans and is totally irrelevant.
I'm not sure how any of that would make her doubt herself further, nor suggests she fixes him when the post says, 'HIS agreement to get help with HIS mental health. That suggests it's on him to agree and sort. Given that it's his mental health and his shitty abusive behaviour, OP can't take responsibility for fixing it as she's not him. He is his own person capable of making his own decision where help is concerned, and it's simply not possible for OP to take responsibility for fixing something that is inside someone elses head. I wouldn't suggest what isn't possible, so I haven't suggested what you claimed I have.
To be honest you're very insulting trying to say I have suggested that. Given my own circumstances, do you not think I learnt a long time ago that it isn't possible to take responsibility and fix someone else? The last thing I would ever tell someone in OPs situation is to take some responsibility for your partner and fix them. That would be pretty cruel to give someone hope that they are capable of doing just that, then leaving them to suffer while trying the impossible.
I'm disappointed that you've read my post, and somehow came to the conclusion that it's written by a rather sick individual who condones and excuses abuse, believes if a mental health issue could be at play, you should just suck it up and live with it as that's a completely plausible excuse. Oblivious enough to think it's only abuse if its physical despite clearly stating a snippet of my own life on the receiving end. And finally I'm also a person who believes the abuser should do naff all, while the abused scurries round desperately trying to fix and take responsibility for said abuser.
I am genuinely confused how you came to all that based off the 3 things I mentioned in my post. I have tried to ask you but you respond passive aggressively. Nothing I have said was with the malice regardless how you have read it, but I'm not ignorant enough to believe everyone sees everything in the same way. You've read it in a way that was never how I intended it to come across. I've been adult enough to respond to your post in a kind way, asking if you'll explain so I can actually understand how that's happend, but you just want to double down rather than take the request to help someone understand. That's your choice so I'll leave it at that and won't engage further.
If anyone who sent a clap to this poster would care to help me understand, please feel free to send me a pm To help. I'm not an arse and would genuinly like to know. I have my own problems going on which I'm well aware can present issues like this at times. Hence my response clearly saying I was clueless and leaving it open to be explained. If I meant it in the way its been taken, i wouldn't be sat here questioning how/why that's happend, nor trying to understand.