Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I crazy? maybe I've lost my mind

57 replies

possiblycrazy · 12/01/2024 19:05

I've been seeing a man for the past four months. We don't live in the same city so we only see each other a couple of times a month, usually for a weekend. We've argued before about how crap he is at messaging and this week he has seemed really distant and rubbish at texting back.

A couple of nights ago I had a very vivid dream about him sleeping with someone else. I woke up pretty upset about it. I told him about it (over text) and he was a bit annoyed with me for taking it seriously. But then he basically stopped talking to me, and didn't say anything all of yesterday. I messaged once, and then when he didnt answer after several hours, messaged, I feel like you're ignoring me, and asked what was going on. No response.

By this point I was pretty much done with the whole thing. When I woke up this morning he'd sent a message saying he'd been unwell and his phone had died. I sent a message basically saying, f you, you've fucked this up and I'm done. In my head, I was 100% certain he'd been with someone else. But he was like ???? And it jolted me into thinking, have I just made all that up in my head? Maybe because of the dream I had?

The shitty communication is a dealbreaker anyway. But I'm a bit worried that I lost my mind. In my head I absolutely "knew" what was going on but now I realise it was just a story I was telling myself.

I'm just a bit worried about my mental health now.

Sorry this was long.

OP posts:
Nsky62 · 12/01/2024 19:06

No loss

theduchessofspork · 12/01/2024 19:07

This relationship is doing you no good at all, so end it.

No you don’t know he’s cheating but the lack of comms is driving you to distraction

Original poster
possiblycrazy · 12/01/2024 19:07

Nsky62 · 12/01/2024 19:06

No loss

My mind? I definitely would consider it a loss!

OP posts:
Original poster
possiblycrazy · 12/01/2024 19:09

theduchessofspork · 12/01/2024 19:07

This relationship is doing you no good at all, so end it.

No you don’t know he’s cheating but the lack of comms is driving you to distraction

I totally agree about the relationship not being good for me. But is it to blame for my making up crazy stories? (It could of course, still be true, and he's lying. But I don't know why I was so absolutely sure.)

OP posts:
Cupcakes2024 · 12/01/2024 19:09

Sometimes there is a thing of remote viewing ability, its possible that your dream was more than a dream.

Mrsgreen100 · 12/01/2024 19:14

Arguing with somebody, you only see a couple of times a month, I would dump his arse

Original poster
possiblycrazy · 12/01/2024 19:16

Cupcakes2024 · 12/01/2024 19:09

Sometimes there is a thing of remote viewing ability, its possible that your dream was more than a dream.

It was a very vivid dream and I woke up feeling upset and disturbed. But I'm not at all sure it really happened. I was 100% certain up until he messaged me saying "what are you on about?" And then I realised I had just come up with this whole story based on nothing.

OP posts:
Nsky62 · 12/01/2024 19:23

No loss, loosing man

m00ngirl · 12/01/2024 19:25

I agree @Cupcakes2024 . Very vivid dreams are important. It could be tuning into something that has happened (this actually happened to me several times) or is going to happen, or it could simply be you tuning into your intuition about who he is. Thank your dreams and move on and up! ❤️

SanFranBear · 12/01/2024 19:32

Four months in and you're arguing and not communicating and he's going silent on you?

You've made the right decision!

countvoncount · 12/01/2024 19:34

Can't speak for the lack of messaging, but I have actually been on the receiving end of this, and it was MENTAL.
EXH was in a foul mood, like even looking over at me with disgust mid done nothing and was like wtf?
Turns out he had dreamed that a premiership footballer had taken me out....and I really enjoyed it, was all over him like a rash
He seriously didn't speak to me for a couple of days and I was mildly amused (found it hilarious actually)
As I said EXH. Wasn't why I divorced him, but one of the many nutty things that made me think I'm not carrying on with this bollocks.

MaggieNextDoor · 12/01/2024 19:36

If dreams are premonitions or messages then I am fucked. I've had really vivid dreams since I've been taking Sertraline and I sincerely hope being on a cruise liner with Jane McDonald and Susan Calman isn't really going to be a thing in my future.

OP, I think the message you should take from your dream is that you're not 100% comfortable with your long distance relationship, and the lack of communication from him is underpinning that.

Csharpminor · 12/01/2024 19:37

"f you, you've fucked this up and I'm done."

Wow

If I was him I'd also think you're "too much" and paranoid. I say that constructively as the fact that you took a dream literally (I take mine very Seriously, Jungian here, but not Literally) says that you have alot to introspect on in your future relationship behaviour re trust, time, control and fear. Both of you sound better off apart. I'm in therapy and recommend it, slow but if you find a therapist you trust, it works. Take care.

Original poster
possiblycrazy · 12/01/2024 19:44

Csharpminor · 12/01/2024 19:37

"f you, you've fucked this up and I'm done."

Wow

If I was him I'd also think you're "too much" and paranoid. I say that constructively as the fact that you took a dream literally (I take mine very Seriously, Jungian here, but not Literally) says that you have alot to introspect on in your future relationship behaviour re trust, time, control and fear. Both of you sound better off apart. I'm in therapy and recommend it, slow but if you find a therapist you trust, it works. Take care.

That wasn't my literal message. It was more of a break up message.

So yes, you think I lost my mind? I'm really worried about it. How would therapy help? Surely it's more of a psychotic break?

OP posts:
Original poster
possiblycrazy · 12/01/2024 19:46

countvoncount · 12/01/2024 19:34

Can't speak for the lack of messaging, but I have actually been on the receiving end of this, and it was MENTAL.
EXH was in a foul mood, like even looking over at me with disgust mid done nothing and was like wtf?
Turns out he had dreamed that a premiership footballer had taken me out....and I really enjoyed it, was all over him like a rash
He seriously didn't speak to me for a couple of days and I was mildly amused (found it hilarious actually)
As I said EXH. Wasn't why I divorced him, but one of the many nutty things that made me think I'm not carrying on with this bollocks.

I'm sorry you went through that.

I've never done anything like this before. When he answered me with wtf it's like I snapped out of a fugue. Up until that point it was all so real to me. Really scary.

OP posts:
Muchof · 12/01/2024 19:46

To be honest I think he is the one that had a lucky escape. You had a go at him because of a dream! He took a step back (don't blame him) and then you had another go at him when he offered the olive branch. This is on you.

Original poster
possiblycrazy · 12/01/2024 19:48

MaggieNextDoor · 12/01/2024 19:36

If dreams are premonitions or messages then I am fucked. I've had really vivid dreams since I've been taking Sertraline and I sincerely hope being on a cruise liner with Jane McDonald and Susan Calman isn't really going to be a thing in my future.

OP, I think the message you should take from your dream is that you're not 100% comfortable with your long distance relationship, and the lack of communication from him is underpinning that.

I think that's probably the right interpretation. I just don't know why I went all in on the idea that it was real. Not the dream itself but the idea he was cheating. Maybe because on some level I know it's likely to happen, I don't trust him.

OP posts:
Original poster
possiblycrazy · 12/01/2024 19:52

Muchof · 12/01/2024 19:46

To be honest I think he is the one that had a lucky escape. You had a go at him because of a dream! He took a step back (don't blame him) and then you had another go at him when he offered the olive branch. This is on you.

As I say, I'm worried I'm losing my mind.

I didn't gave a go at him over the dream. I told him about it and said I woke up feeling upset, but I knew that it was stupid to be upset over it.

He asked me if the woman was his type and said maybe he should go and check her out. Then he stopped talking to me.

I'm not saying it was okay to get lost in my delusion, but you don't need to feel sorry for him.

OP posts:
JustExistingNotLiving · 12/01/2024 20:15

I’d say that dream was your subconscious pointing out that the fact he was so distant might well be because he had someone else on the side.
And maybe you hadn’t thought about it consciously yet. Maybe he wasn’t cheating but there was simply enough things going on to make you doubt.
My take is that it’s those signs that made the dream feel so real.

Original poster
possiblycrazy · 12/01/2024 20:35

JustExistingNotLiving · 12/01/2024 20:15

I’d say that dream was your subconscious pointing out that the fact he was so distant might well be because he had someone else on the side.
And maybe you hadn’t thought about it consciously yet. Maybe he wasn’t cheating but there was simply enough things going on to make you doubt.
My take is that it’s those signs that made the dream feel so real.

Edited

Thank you, that's somewhat reassuring. Maybe my brain was just filling in the blanks.

OP posts:
theduchessofspork · 12/01/2024 20:56

Cupcakes2024 · 12/01/2024 19:09

Sometimes there is a thing of remote viewing ability, its possible that your dream was more than a dream.

No it isn’t.

And yes OP the fact it’s driving you to distraction leads to ruminating, which has led to starting to believe the stories in your head.

You know this so knock it on the head.

VeryHungrySeaCucumber · 12/01/2024 21:18

Sometimes there is a thing of remote viewing ability, its possible that your dream was more than a dream.

This is nonsense.

However, that intuition (sometimes showing up in dreams) is about the little signs we pick up on and our brain calculates without realising we are doing it, that's not nonsense. Gut feelings, spidey senses, 6th senses, are often based on these minor details.

I suspect that either he was cheating or otherwise showing signs he is the type who easily would, or he's just unsatisfactory to you, and that is what has led to the dream. He's a poor communicator and that's not something that works for you, at a minimum.

HE is no loss to you. Move on. Don't overanalyse the dream or whether you are losing your mind. You are not, unless you do this frequently.

Zanatdy · 12/01/2024 21:22

I dated someone who was also a terrible communicator. I knew him already via work and even though he was a single dad with 100% custody he could IM on our work system during a meeting or just whenever and he never did. He would take ages to reply and we had generally 2-3 messages a day, seeing each other every 2wks or so when he could get his parents to babysit. It didn’t work out, but we are still in touch as he randomly sends me messages every so often, I reply and then I drive myself mad as he doesn’t reply for 48hrs sometimes. I really think 2024 is the year I block him. It takes 30 seconds or less to ask somehow how they are. Like your guy, if he was interested, he would show it

Original poster
possiblycrazy · 12/01/2024 21:35

VeryHungrySeaCucumber · 12/01/2024 21:18

Sometimes there is a thing of remote viewing ability, its possible that your dream was more than a dream.

This is nonsense.

However, that intuition (sometimes showing up in dreams) is about the little signs we pick up on and our brain calculates without realising we are doing it, that's not nonsense. Gut feelings, spidey senses, 6th senses, are often based on these minor details.

I suspect that either he was cheating or otherwise showing signs he is the type who easily would, or he's just unsatisfactory to you, and that is what has led to the dream. He's a poor communicator and that's not something that works for you, at a minimum.

HE is no loss to you. Move on. Don't overanalyse the dream or whether you are losing your mind. You are not, unless you do this frequently.

It's never happened before. So yes, maybe just my brain sensing a pattern and because I was pretty triggered already, I didn't have the mental space to step back and realise I was lost in my own story.

OP posts:
Jonisaysitbest · 13/01/2024 07:37

You have only been seeing him four months and you say you don't even see each other that much.
It all sounds a bit odd and dramatic for such a short relationship.
Move on and find someone who lives nearer to you.