Am I crazy? maybe I've lost my mind

[possiblycrazy]

I've been seeing a man for the past four months. We don't live in the same city so we only see each other a couple of times a month, usually for a weekend. We've argued before about how crap he is at messaging and this week he has seemed really distant and rubbish at texting back.

A couple of nights ago I had a very vivid dream about him sleeping with someone else. I woke up pretty upset about it. I told him about it (over text) and he was a bit annoyed with me for taking it seriously. But then he basically stopped talking to me, and didn't say anything all of yesterday. I messaged once, and then when he didnt answer after several hours, messaged, I feel like you're ignoring me, and asked what was going on. No response.

By this point I was pretty much done with the whole thing. When I woke up this morning he'd sent a message saying he'd been unwell and his phone had died. I sent a message basically saying, f you, you've fucked this up and I'm done. In my head, I was 100% certain he'd been with someone else. But he was like ???? And it jolted me into thinking, have I just made all that up in my head? Maybe because of the dream I had?

The shitty communication is a dealbreaker anyway. But I'm a bit worried that I lost my mind. In my head I absolutely "knew" what was going on but now I realise it was just a story I was telling myself.

I'm just a bit worried about my mental health now.

Sorry this was long.

Your brain warned you in a dream. That’s all.

It’s perfectly rational to act on what your subconscious tells you.

Either he was seeing someone else or you felt like he was seeing someone else.

Why would you stay with someone who made you feel like that and was unconcerned about it? Clearly your communication style is t matched, what you want from a relationship isn’t matched, and he’s not interested in compromising.

perfectly sensible to finish it.

Some say that dreams are our internal filing system.
Perhaps it's your subconscious rationalising his level of involvement. He has you in a different city and hardly see him. Sounds very convenient for him.

Is he single or not? That would be my first thought.

You do realise that dreams and reality are two very different things, OP?

You’ve basically split up with your boyfriend because of a dream. That does make you sound unwell. Have you spoken to a professional about your mental health?

Also, conducting a long distance relationship via text is never going to end well. You can’t expect the other person to drop what they’re doing to answer your messages instantly. He must have felt suffocated by your childish demands for attention.

It's a bit worrying that you managed to convince yourself he was cheating on the basis of a dream! I would be a bit worried about that.

But overall, the relationship just wasn't working for you. Maybe his lack of messaging made you feel insecure, so you were more likely to believe your dream?

Op I think you should discuss this with a gp.
What you’re describing does not sound normal - you weren’t wondering if the dream meant something, you believed it to be reality.

Have you ever had a slip like that before?

I don’t think a thread about woo dreams is going to help here - I’d make an appointment asap to discuss this with a doctor.

You barely see each other and still argue. You have spent a few days, with eachother. He doesn’t communicate enough for you.

The dream was probably because you know it’s a shit relationship. Doesn’t mean you intuition knows he slept with someone else. Or remote viewing. You (probably) just know he isn’t that committed as you.

But honestly, the rest is so over the top. Including the ‘psychotic break’ suggestion.

You had a dream. That’s it. Then was an arse with him. I wouldn’t have entertained you at all. You. Clearly, don’t believe he was ill. So ending it was the right thing. But again, let’s say his was off because he wasn’t well and couldn’t be arsed talking to anyone, your reaction is (again) massively over the top.

It’s not a psychotic break. You are in a shit relationship and it’s disrupted you. You are acting on a way that you don’t want to. But that doesn’t mean a psychotic break. It is evidence this relationship should end and you should even be in contact with him.

Unless there’s other things going off, outside this that makes you think you are having a mental health crisis, then just take space. And think about how you let a man you barely know impact you this way. Why you did. Learn from it and move on. You spent what about 21 days with him? 30 at most? You need to do something to relax you.

Did you ever phone each other. I ended up in a short distance relationship that was largely by text, there's usually a reason for that, and not a good one.
My advice, avoid LDR's, not worth the hassle. No more than half an hour drive - a bit of distance can be good when the time comes to move on. If you find communication is only by text in between, smell a rat, and if not even texting much, no point in it at all, it's low effort.

Dreams are just your minds way of processing things whilst you sleep, not predictions or 'remote viewing' Heaven forbid!
My concern would be his so called illness and lack of contact because his phone allegedly died.That sounds like rubbish and l imagine you feel the same. Long distance relationships need good comms to survive and your needs are not being met so best to end things as this is causing you too much angst.

My ex and my best friend slept together - the first night they hooked up, I woke up and had been seeing it, them together.
6 months later she finally tells me their an item and had only just hooked up a few weeks previously, I responded that was a lie and gave the date I ‘saw’ them together in my dream / when I woke up (it was a specific date) and she agreed it had happened on that very date!

it shocked me tbh that I saw it so clearly!!

Just to clarify, it wasn't that I convinced myself that the dream itself was real. It was that his distance and silence triggered me and I convinced myself that the reason he wasn't communicating with me was because he was with someone else. The dream obviously didn't help, but it isn't that I thought I was "remote viewing" or that the dream was actually a real event.

No, I didn't believe the dream to be actual reality.

I think I probably just got caught up in my suspicions and convinced myself that he was cheating.

Thank you. I am a bit worried about how I got 2 + 2 to equal 5. It makes me feel a bit unhinged. So it's definitely something I'm going to try to figure out so it doesn't happen again. But I agree that the actual relationship itself was a bit crazy making for me.

But you didn’t, you convinced yourself he had no real interest in making you happy. He wasn’t emotionally committed to you.

I think you taking your feelings literally rather than recognising them as truthful. You felt he was uncommitted. You felt he was insufficiently connected/communicative. You felt he wasn’t loyal.

All that is true.

Just reading this again. You know that you have no idea about my (ex)relationship, right? The idea that he was "suffocated" by my "childish demands" is so out of pocket. It's just an opportunity to say something nasty, I guess.

Our communication styles do not match. We had one previous argument about this where he agreed to not ignore my messages and to let me know if he needed space. It's not childish to expect your partner to talk to you. If he finds it suffocating then of course he's free to find someone like you who doesn't ask for anything and has no standards.

This is a lot already for the short time it's been

Youve dated four months and see each other a couple of times a month? So youve spent maybe 8 days/weekends with him? It feels like you're after long-term relationship commitment/engagement/communication in what is still a very new relationship.

If someone I'd dated for four months needed me to seriously have a "talk" with them because of a dream they'd had, I wouldn't be engaging with that. I can see how he backed well away, probably to give you time to realise you were overreacting, and then you leaned into it and broke up with him!

Four months is very little time to be with someone, and he was only unresponsive for one day (I've lost my phone for longer than that!).

I think if you need a lot of communication to feel secure in a relationship (nothing wrong with that!) it might be better to avoid long distance - it's so hard at the best of times but even harder if it triggers something in you to not much interaction day to day.

I agree with a pp. This is a lot of drama for someone you’ve only spent a few weekends with.

I find the way you talk about being crazy and psychotic really distasteful.

I think it's just your anxiety playing up. I'm in a similar situation and I've had bad dreams like that before 😞men.

Thanks for the advice, everyone. I'm going to drop out of the thread now as I can see the sharks circling...

I appreciate the constructive comments and will take on board the possibility of getting some therapy to deal with why I was so caught up in my own mind, and obviously also not getting involved with someone so avoidant and untrustworthy in future.

No, I didn't believe the dream to be actual reality

But also

I was 100% certain until he messaged me saying "what are you on about?"

Yes, dreams can help you look at a situation and help you reflect. But this sounds a little worrying.

Whatever, it doesn't sound as though it was a good relationship for you to be in, or him.

I dont think you're crazy. There's a reason you feel frustrated with him and it is obvious to outsiders that it is not a healthy relationship if you are already arguing about communication difficulties 4 months in. Red flag. It is possible that you're subconsciously worried about him cheating as a result of his distant messages, and maybe that is why you have dreamt about it. If he wanted to communicate with you more he would. He would be phoning for catch ups and messaging you to see what you're up to and how you are. He doesn't seem like he is that interested and think you can do better. You wouldn't feel insecure if you were with a partner who seemed present and invested in the relationship.

While I would never in a million years tell a guy I’ve been dating about a dream I had that was about them, communication is absolutely vital to me so I’d probably have already given up on this one.

Agree with this

OP end this - but you haven't exactly covered yourself in glory here

I’ve had several dreams where I’ve dreamt my husband cheated on me. He always spends the next day making it up to me 🤣

not because he’s done something wrong but because he knows how distressing dreams like that are. We ALL know it’s daft to be upset by a dream but relationships thrive on kindness.

Your husband sounds lovely bless him.