This morning husband asks me to do DD1(age4) hair for school. I'm co sleeping with DD2(age1)just nursed her back to sleep. It's 8.20, latest time for us to leave to get to school. I creep away from DD2 find DD1 sitting on kitchen counter in her pjs brushing her teeth, full bowl of cereal on table.
I feel tricked straight away, I've heard them up a while, had a feeling they were running late, didn't think they'd only just got out of bed.
I dress her, ask him to wash a stain out of her jumper as he picked up yesterday's uniform, not a fresh ironed set hung out in her bedroom. I do her hair instead of breakfast as she is fussing over eating her cereal. I ask him his plan for her eating, he said she'll eat in car (I wondered how a bowl of cereal gets eaten in the car) suggested making toast and boiling egg. Coat on, shoes on, just breakfast left. For some reason I can't hold the bowl of cereal up, my arm is dropping in pain when I tried to spoon feed her. Now I'm frustrated.
So take her back to the kitchen set the bowl down, ask her to eat herself. No winning. Husband faffing about. I go collect the toast and egg plate left balancing on the sofa arm that he made. She's still not eating. It's nearly 8.45am. My dad is having his tea too he says something.
Husband declares he is taking her to school, I respond 'what hungry?' Im panicking now looking for orange juice/ milk/ something to get her some nutrition. Opening and closing fridge, cupboards, just confused.
I get mad and ask husband what he did yesterday, he said she didn't eat breakfast then either! I'm distrort.
My anxiety to her eating is linked to her being underweight, having nutritional drinks to supplement food. This is third day of school. I did first day, breakfast was eaten. I had her up at 7,730ish so we were relaxed and had time to eat. There was zero fuss.
I spend all the time after school pumping her up with meals successful. She's pooped 💩, drank, bedtime was delayed as husband faffed for 1 hour.
He claimed she woke at 4am for bathroom, so they were late.
Im fuming at him. I feel like I can do this better without him. He hinders with his help. We've spoken about this at length recently, put plans of actions in, but not followed through.
Is this reason enough to want to leave?
She's got 2 bad tooth, that I feel only happened cos he stopped brushing her teeth(claiming she can do it without him checking- prior I would let her do them, but noticed a spot she couldn't reach so I'd complete that off).
I had potty trained her fully for day time, night time needed to take her toilet when she fidgeted, he couldn't notice the fidgeting, had to clean up wet bed too often so put her back in Nappies.
The changes happened because DD2 had arrived(2yrs ago), I'd co sleep with both, baby in moses basket/ cot mainly, bed for feeds. PND hit about 3/4 months in and husband offered to help put DD1 to bed which in turn became him co sleeping with her and me with baby.
PND went nuclear, he promised to move closer to my parents, we are currently in the house move process, I eventually moved in with my parents for support, as had zero support from his family who we lived local to and he worked long hours.
I feel he takes advantage of the help and support my aging parents provide. He just doesn't seem to be kind or considerate anymore. He loves his new colleagues in his new job with his new 6 figure salary. My worst time with PND he was absorbed completely in his job, which he got when I was 7 months pregnant.
Now I'm on the mend, I see him using my illness to explain his late starts for school, work, time off work, currently his claimed family life is to tough and handed in resignation.
But reality is, his got an easier 6 figure job lined up, any time off he had only made my life harder with him insisting on daily days out with the kids I was nursing, changing poop explosions, potty training, managing eating issues in museums, farms, the car, service stations, airports, in the rain, snow heat waves. Just pushing and pushing me.
We got shouty, violent, aggressive. Ive asked him to leave which lasted under a week given im at my parents the pressure got to them and asked me to take him back. This was about 6 weeks ago.
And here I am again wishing for the same.
(DD1 DD2 both born in Jan so will turn 5 and 2 in days)