Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Boyfriend mushed me in the face

75 replies

Momniiii · 09/01/2024 17:46

My boyfriend and I sat down per his request to talk about him feeling there is a lack of affection present during the last two weeks of him working overtime (50-60 hrs per week). I got up hugged him, told him I loved him and that I was sorry and would do better. I then asked if the conversation was open for me to express myself as well by stating “Is this a two-way conversation or did you just want to vent?” He said yeah of course it’s two way. I expressed that I’ve been feeling emotionally alone and shutdown by him and that sometimes I need that level of connection to be physical. He begins to tell me that he knew I would do this that wow perfect time to choose to talk about this. I give him an example of when he said he’d resume a conversation and address a moment where i felt he lacked empathy and he said that I need to just let things go.l and that if I was crying because I felt bad for him why would he need to drop his feelings and ask me why I was crying. He then said I love to argue and he began to dismiss me and do things around the kit he’d I began raising my voice saying that I held myself account and apologized for my part, why can’t you do the same? And he asked me why can’t I just shut up sometimes. I got angrier and kept repeating what he said and following him and he said just shut the fuck up and then mushed me in my face.

can you consider this to be abuse? Am I wrong? He did this in front of our son.

OP posts:
CharmedCult · 09/01/2024 17:47

Is that a typo, is it meant to say pushed?

Grammarpolicenenaw · 09/01/2024 17:48

What does mushed mean? Did he grab your face? If he was aggressive and hurt you this is not acceptable and is abuse.

KirstenBlest · 09/01/2024 17:49

Did you mean he used his hand to push your face?

It's assault.

CharmedCult · 09/01/2024 17:49

But yeah any form of physical aggression is not acceptable.

Velvetbee · 09/01/2024 17:49

Dump him.

43ontherocksporfavor · 09/01/2024 17:50

Sounds like you both behaved badly in front of your son.
If mushed is pushing your face then yes it’s physical aggression.

MILTOBE · 09/01/2024 17:51

Go to a friend's house immediately.

Whose place is it?

JustanotherMNSlapperTwat · 09/01/2024 17:51

Do you mean he pushed you in your face? Yes abuse

Regardless it sounds like a toxic relationship, you don't have to decided whether something is abusive or not to leave, you can just leave because its not working

Momniiii · 09/01/2024 17:54

It’s a term for someone taking the palm of their hand and pushing another person in the face. Sorry about the other typos though.

OP posts:
fedupandstuck · 09/01/2024 17:54

Yes it's abusive and especially so in front of a child. It's all unpleasant and aggressive behaviour, the arguing and the reactions. The relationship doesn't sound healthy at all.

Can you leave with your child(ren) and get some space from him?

Ellie6489 · 09/01/2024 17:56

This is abuse and completely unacceptable. The longer you stay with this person the worse it will get. No explanation or apology should ever be enough for you to stay with him. He's a narcissist thinking "how dare she speak about herself when this conversation was about me and my needs"

He can't cope with his anger in a mature and rational way and that's a dangerous situation for you to be in. Not just that but there was no need for him to be argumentative, he had no patience to listen to you and made everything you said about him to deflect from you. I bet he takes everything personally doesn't he? And when you talk to him about things that he's done or said to upset you, you're the bad one and love drama. Then the conversation turns into how horrible you are to him. Forget what you said, he made it all about him and ignored your feelings. He's definitely a narcissist.

Marrongrass · 09/01/2024 17:58

Very abusive, and his denial and reaction to your trying to talk about things is emotionally abusive, too. Hugs.

Momniiii · 09/01/2024 17:58

Yes, I’m planning to stay with my mother.

OP posts:
Momniiii · 09/01/2024 17:59

Yes!!!!! This true, this is all true. I’m not crazy, thank you.

OP posts:
Momniiii · 09/01/2024 18:00

Thank you for the support

OP posts:
Wheresthefibre · 09/01/2024 18:02

I am sure he would claim it’s reactive abuse. Since you were following him round get angrier and angrier and repeating what he said. He obviously walked away, as you followed him.

But this is not ok. He shouldn’t have physically touched you.

But you need to split. Your child saw it all.

bendypines · 09/01/2024 18:04

He assaulted you in front of your child. You need to report this to the police and get him removed from your home.

By abusing you he is also abusing your child. You must protect your child from ever having to go through anything like that again.

Eyesopenwideawake · 09/01/2024 18:05

Whilst physical aggression of any sort is unacceptable, I got from your OP that you took a conversation initiated by him to vent your own grievances and it all went downhill from there. You raised your voice cried, got angrier, etc.

Both of you could do with reflecting on what happened and your own roles.

fedupandstuck · 09/01/2024 18:12

Eyesopenwideawake · 09/01/2024 18:05

Whilst physical aggression of any sort is unacceptable, I got from your OP that you took a conversation initiated by him to vent your own grievances and it all went downhill from there. You raised your voice cried, got angrier, etc.

Both of you could do with reflecting on what happened and your own roles.

This is such a bizarre reading of what the OP described. She had asked if it was ok for her to explain her own feelings after listening to her boyfriend and apologising to him. He said of course and that it was a two way conversation. He then immediately decided it wasn't ok and became unpleasant as a result and began the escalation.

Of course it's not great that the OP raised her voice and followed him when he was trying to walk off. But if they can't have an agreed two way conversation without him getting aggressive and escalating then the relationship is going nowhere.

Eyesopenwideawake · 09/01/2024 18:18

@fedupandstuck - isn't it weird that we can read the same post and interpret it in completely different ways?!

betterangels · 09/01/2024 18:24

Momniiii · 09/01/2024 17:54

It’s a term for someone taking the palm of their hand and pushing another person in the face. Sorry about the other typos though.

Yikes. Maybe think about wanting better for yourself. He sounds like an abusive dick. Quite frankly.

olympicsrock · 09/01/2024 18:28

There is no such thing as mushing someone in the face. Not any known or acceptable thing.
He is a horrible abusive individual.

applesandmares · 09/01/2024 18:30

He shouldn't have initiated any physical contact but you shouldn't have angrily followed him around repeating yourself. When someone is trying to get away from you, you really shouldn't follow them around angrily (or at all). You both behaved badly around your child 🤷🏻‍♀️

Queenbeeme · 09/01/2024 18:37

Completely agree with everything Ellie6489 said, this man is undoubtedly a narcissist and you should get as far away as you can - he will never change. Narcissists can become extremely volatile when confronted or if you try to leave them so I would advise doing your research and planning your exit carefully, look up covert narcissism in particular as it can be difficult to spot - took me 20 years to recognise that my husband was abusive!!

evrey · 09/01/2024 18:39

He sounds like a narcissist . Google narcissistic behaviors in a relationship and see if it fits.
My Dh is one , it's a lonely life .

Swipe left for the next trending thread