Boyfriend mushed me in the face

[Momniiii]

My boyfriend and I sat down per his request to talk about him feeling there is a lack of affection present during the last two weeks of him working overtime (50-60 hrs per week). I got up hugged him, told him I loved him and that I was sorry and would do better. I then asked if the conversation was open for me to express myself as well by stating “Is this a two-way conversation or did you just want to vent?” He said yeah of course it’s two way. I expressed that I’ve been feeling emotionally alone and shutdown by him and that sometimes I need that level of connection to be physical. He begins to tell me that he knew I would do this that wow perfect time to choose to talk about this. I give him an example of when he said he’d resume a conversation and address a moment where i felt he lacked empathy and he said that I need to just let things go.l and that if I was crying because I felt bad for him why would he need to drop his feelings and ask me why I was crying. He then said I love to argue and he began to dismiss me and do things around the kit he’d I began raising my voice saying that I held myself account and apologized for my part, why can’t you do the same? And he asked me why can’t I just shut up sometimes. I got angrier and kept repeating what he said and following him and he said just shut the fuck up and then mushed me in my face.

can you consider this to be abuse? Am I wrong? He did this in front of our son.

I'm assuming by "lack of affection" he means sex? And you were trying to explain you aren't going to want sex without spending time together doing other things first?
If so then yes he's abusive. Not only physically but sexually, he's been extremely coercive. He's basically saying give him more sex or else.
You deserve better.

I was reading it thinking this is a bit gaslighting and emotional abuse.

I dont think you should follow someone when they are saying leave them alone. You were wrong in that. However I've been abused and know how they manipulate you I to emotions like that so they can blame you.

Mushing you in the face absolutely wrong.

It could just be you should get some counselling as while it reads as him shutting you down and potentially emotionally abusive it could also be you both need help to work on your communication. If your child's not his I would walk away. If the child is his think long and hard is he abusive or is this communication problems. You can always get counselling then leave anyway if it doesn't help. But if you are sure it's abuse don't do counselling just leave him

It all sounds toxic and out of control. You haven’t done anything to deserve being physically assaulted.

I’ve not heard of the term ‘mushed’ but I assume that he wouldn’t do that to a colleague? If so he shouldn’t be doing it to someone that he loves.

Is this the life you want for your LO ?

Definitely abuse that’s awful. Can I ask though why this conversation was happening when your child was in earshot/sight? That could also be classed as enabling your son to be exposed to abuse.

Definitely go to your mum. Don't go back to him. You are being abused.

Leave

So he's a bully as well as physically abusive and self centred. He can say how he feels which is moaning about you but you're not allowed to voice your needs. I hope you leave him.

Your relationship sounds like hard work. It shouldn't be.

You and your partner are like oil and water. For the sake of your child, split up immediately. Your home sounds like a toxic nightmare.

So he said it was a two way conversation and then told you to shut up when you tried to talk...

Yeah...your partner is extremely abusive.

He was abusing you before he grabbed your face.

I'm sorry but he will never change. He is a lion and you are a lamb. There's no point chasing a lion around expecting it to love you when it wants to hurt you.

Get him dumped and never date a nutter like him again.

Read up on narcissistic abuse.
Stay safe.

Sounds like an awful relationship where you have to sit down and discuss levels of affection and promises to do better resulting in a slanging match and then him raising his have to your face to shove you away.

Not a great environment to raise a child.

You need to leave him. What he did was abusive, and to make matters worse he did it in front of your child.

He isn't upset about a lack of "affection". He's trying to guilt trip you into having sex with him, but then gaslights and rejects you when you request genuine affection and emotional closeness from him to support a physical relationship. He doesn't want a partner; he wants a warm body that doesn't have emotional needs or say no. He's foul.

If you stay, his abuse is overwhelmingly likely to escalate and increase in severity and frequency.

Mushing the face.. using flat of your hand to push someones face very hard as if to push away.
Yes it's assault.
Your relationship is toxic.
Counselling or leave.

Honestly, OP, sounds like you were being difficult and quite annoying. Now that’s now an excuse, but following someone around angrily
whilst getting in their face is borderline.

LTB

He was wrong but you are most certainly not innocent either, sounds like you were taunting him ! You both sound aggressive and abusive and you did all this in front of your son. Shameful

and so was he !

Not interested in him. She should go to her mum.

i felt he lacked empathy and he said that I need to just let things go.l and that if I was crying because I felt bad for him why would he need to drop his feelings and ask me why I was crying.

Did people miss this, the op is also abusive, she is making his feelings about her so he is expected to comfort her.

Pushing you in the face is assault and abusive you need to leave and get support to not be in an abusive relationship again, on either side.

Maybe I'm reading wrong but I don't see how op abused him. She asked him if she could discuss something. He said yes.

She talked about how she feels she needs more from him in terms of an emotional connection to want sex.

He tells her 'here you go again'.

Because yeah, how dare she need the bare minimum from her partner and ask for it?

She raises a valid point - 'I am accountable for my behaviour and apologise when I hurt you, but you do not do the same'.

He tells her to shut up. !?!?!?!!

OK at this point, it would have been wise of her just to leave the room. But honestly if your partner told you to shut up, you'd say nothing?

I'd be fucking raging. I'd probably do as op did and repeat 'shut up!?' and follow him expecting am apology.

Not to be friggin assaulted.

In what world is op abusive!?
She simply reacted to his abuse, in not the best way but perfectly normally imo.

I think a lot of people on here have not been the victim of the certain kind of abuse op is going through. Where you're just trying to seek a little validation for your feelings one minute and the next they are making out that you are some evil, selfish person for daring to voice your needs. And you have no idea how it came to this situation where you were just trying to talk to them and suddenly you have to defend your integrity and decency and for some reason they just won't listen to your perspective. You can't find the right words to make them understand and they twist everything.

They'll air their grievances and you've listened and apologise and try to be more conscious of their needs. But they aren't interested in doing that for you. Infact they'll now use this opportunity, after they have you feeling you might be the bad guy, to kick you when you're down.

Ops reaction is a perfectly normal one to emotional assault. Adrenaline causes us to not think straight sometimes.

There's nothing in there that is inherently manipulative without knowing the context.

Maybe she was crying because he made himself out to be the victim somehow. Like she was wrong for saying she felt he lacked empathy because 'you have no idea what I've been through...horrible childhood...blah blah blah'. And then suddenly she's supposed to comfort him even though it was her that approached him upset in the first place. Suddenly she's worried about him and his needs again.

No way to know if this is what happened either but it would make sense context wise seen as during this conversation, he's again shut her down about the topic of feeling like there's a lack of emotional intimacy.

1. complaining about lack of sex is not him talking about feelings
2. she checked first that he wanted her perspective
3. her getting upset he won't then listen to that perspective is not "making it all about her"
4. even if it was, that doesn't justify physical abuse

Hany on, you kept repeating what he was saying and followed him around? That's awful too!!!!!

My ex used to do that to me all the time and really get into my face with me cowering on the sofa with our baby in my arms. The only way to attempt to get his face out of mine was to try to push it away!

Your own behaviour wasn't great to be honest. You both did this in front of your child. That aside though, he treated you very badly and the pushing was assault.