No coming back from this is there?

[Mirrorimagemenopause]

Told my partner last week, I had been to the doctors about a mole that has recently developed and told him I was being referred to a skin specialist. Partner, after acknowledging it did look concerning then proceeded to get on his knees and put his hands together in the praying position to thank God & asking God to answer his prayer to rid him of me. We have not been getting on as I have been running out of tolerance that he struggles to remain in continuous work & due to ill health has not been able to work much during 2023. I literally pay for everything, the mortgage, bills & food. He is useless at managing his money & Cleary has no appreciation to the hand that feeds & keeps him. I can’t afford to separate as he won’t leave the house & if I left & sold house he would get up to 50% & I wouldn’t be able to buy another house with my share. We have twin girls aged 9. I feel like I’m stuck with him until they are older.

Im sorry, that was truly awful of him, Grant him his wish. Your life will only get worse.

You call him your partner so I'm assuming you aren't married. Who owns the house?

Huh??! He sounds unhinged. I'd make plans to leave!

What the actual fuck?!

Know your worth OP. He sounds awful

Unfortunately, we both own the house , 50/50 on the mortgage.

Was he taking the piss? As in you were overacting? Which you are not at all.

This is so hard for you.Is he working now and what are the health issues that stop him working? I imagine you are not married,is the mortgage in both your names,who paid the deposit.I would try and see a solicitor to work out your position re the house.

No he wasn’t taking the piss. I thought he was joking at first, but he told me afterwards ‘Well that’s how I feel & it’s your fault I feel like that’

Do whatever you have to to leave him. Ffs he's literally wishing you dead. Sell that house and get rid, you so t regret it

Please, please get the hell away from him. This is the sickest thing I've ever read on this website

I'm so, so sorry this is the start of your new year and I really want it to finish much better than this

That's such a disgusting response, how awful for you.

Which is worse financial hardship or living with someone daily for years who doesn't like you and takes advantage of the how he has over you because of the children. When my mum left my dad i was 8. She moved us out of a nice house in a nice area to a small flat in a scary area. She struggled hard with money for about a decade. During that time i learned a lot about what it means to be a woman and how to manage money, and i have so much respect for her. Granted that respect came later once i was old enough to put it all together, but she's since he's decades of my admiration for that really tough decision. How your children will respond is not guaranteed but you could aim high.

You cannot stay with this man, that is unbelievably awful. He sounds abusive. Speak to a solicitor, there will be a way for you to separate and it sounds like you really need to.

Renting is not the end of the world.
living with that man for the rest of your life would be.

No, there’s no way back when your partner openly wishes you dead.

Please, see a solicitor. There will be a way to separate from him.

You probably can't see it right now because you're right in the weeds of it and have a lot going on, but you will be so much happier once you divorce. It doesn't matter if you can't afford to buy (yet) you'll afford rent on your pay if you're already paying for everything and supporting him, put your half away and add to it when you can.

He is literally wishing you dead. Don't waste your life on a man who values it so little.

Leave him.

You might be on the bones of your arse for a while, money wise, but he's a deadbeat who'd struggle 10 times more than you will.

I'd cut my nose off just to spite his face.

Well, yes. Exactly.

Same. I cannot actually believe what Iv just read. You are being investigated for potential cancer and your husband starts praying to god that you die???? Wtf? I feel sick for you. Absolutely sickening appalling way to treat you. Get him gone asap. I’m worried for you and you dc what a horrible horrible person. And that’s not even to mention you literally fund his life. Lazy fucking nasty bastard. How dare he.

Nothing would make me stay. Why would I show my twins and singles that this is the way a normal relationship works. I had to leave a marriage and yes poor as a mouse the first year but I tell you it was the happiest I've ever seen the kids and gradually things got better and better and never looked back and now have 4 balanced kids and a normal marriage this time

Sicko

What an absolute arsehole he is, you have to leave!

You can rent and since you’re paying for everything anyway I’m sure you’d find a way to manage - not being able to buy on your own isn’t a good enough reason to stay with someone who wishes you dead.

Imagine how much better your life would be without him.

OP - i’d start thinking really pragmatically.
For starters - focus on your health. Do all you need to do to min stress right now and sort out appointments (and treatments if necessary).
Once that is under control - lets hope its just a scare and you are OK - you’ll need to plan long term. You have another 10 years of raising your kids and this relationship won’t make it.

At a min - stop doing things for him - if you are doing his laundry, etc. Second - if he is not working due to ill health - is he getting any disability payments? He needs to contribute those.

But more importantly - see what you can do with your 50% share of equity/mortgage. Start saving for extra deposit? Etc.

Good luck with your tests!!!!!

You are going to pay the mortgage for the next 10 years and he will get 50% of all that extra money you are paying in.
The biggest reason to leave will be your poor daughters will think being treated like dirt is what to expect in life because that’s what you are showing them.
Get your children away from this toxic relationship.

I am so sorry you're going through this. If this mole does turn out to need further treatment, you have the added complication of not being supported by this dreadful man. Please do seek help to leave. I've had melanoma and fully understand the treatment path and timescales and you do have time. Just give a solicitor a call on Monday and see what your options are. You really do deserve more.

This is truly one of the worst things any woman has posted on here that a ‘partner’ has said to them. ‘Not getting on’ happens in relationships. Getting down in front of the mother of your children and praying she will die is something else, it’s psychopathic. He’s a very sick man. I pray that your mole turns out to be nothing to worry about and that you can somehow find a way to leave this creature. My stomach turned when I read that.