Weirdo alert?

[Coastgirl22]

Quick back story - DH died 3.5 years ago - done all my healing, so time to get back in the saddle (I’m 55 look after myself, fortunate in life) online sub to one of the nicer sites, start chatting to a guy, on paper, reasonably good looking, solvent, etc so ticks a lot of boxes. Also widowed around the same time. Few random innuendos on messaging which I’ve shut down with humour. Met first time he was all gushy and starry - very nice … went missing from communication a couple of times both because ‘he’d dropped his phone’ no probs as he’s on s dating site I’d expect him to be on other dates but told me he’d gone offline (he hadn’t)
increase in innuendo before our second date, again slapped down. I’ve made it clear from the start I’m looking for next chapter not hook ups etc (did lots of that as part of healing) he said same.

second date going like a charm - he then tells me that after his wife died he started getting random unsolicited pics off women he’d known through business (he’s an accountant) once the word got round he was single. He was quite insistent I see these pics which ranged from lingerie to full- on gynae shots - all apparently unsolicited! I burst out laughing (they all looked like me so he obvs has a type) he then was pressing his open - mindedness . I set my stall out by saying within the confines of a loving relationship I am also open minded (believe me, I’ve had my moments, especially during my ‘healing’ phase) but I would no sooner send a photo of my bits to a virtual stranger than poke myself in the eye etc….

date came to an end shortly thereafter and the mood changed from ‘hopefully when we grow this’ from him to ‘well, keep in touch’

so opinion, experienced ones, was I being groomed and have my clear boundaries kryptonited him?

and more intriguingly, would around 20 seemingly reasonable women send unsolicited photos of their lady-gardens to a virtual stranger 🤔 have I missed an evolutionary phase while I was in my happy love bubble?

You dodged a bullet. He sounds vile.

He showed you pics of women's vulvas on a 2nd date??

Wait.

He kept pics sent to him (weird) and then to show you them is weirder still.

What a breach of trust from these women. How would they feel knowing this creep is showing people their privates??!

And you 'burst out laughing???'

Why on earth didn't you aks him why he thinks it's appropriate to show you sexual pictures of women on a date?

This is just too weird.

Avoid avoid avoid!!!!

I did ask him all of the above - I burst out laughing because of the shock of the situation! When he said photos of women I was thinking normal photos, he did say before he showed me ‘some of them are a bit racy’

It's a hard pass.

He is a creep and I doubt he is even a widower.

It's just another way of him proving to you that he's god's gift to women and you should follow suit. Much that same as owning a flash car!
What's wrong with old fashioned love? It just doesn't seem to exist these days.

So 20 women randomly sent pics of their genitals to a recently widowed accountant. Riiight.

Eeee. Imagine if you did send him a pic. No doubt he’d be flashing your gash to his next date 🤢😂 Joking aside, there are laws about showing other people privately sent pictures of that nature. Sharing intimate pictures without consent is a sexual offence. I’d say not seeing the sexual offender again would defo be dodging a bullet

I hope when he said "keep in touch" you walked away thinking "no fucking chance".

He is a creep. What type of person goes around showing intimate pics to others, especially to a woman he is dating. What kind of reaction did he expect from you?
And the idea that he is some kind godsend man and the women are dying to get him..c'mon.
You really dodged a bullet.

Block him and move on. You don't need him in your life.

Thank you people - for the avoidance of doubt, once I realised the nature of the photos, the date came to an abrupt end - but I’m interested if this is how things go now or was he a curved ball (30 years since I last sought out a mate) I blocked him without further dialogue before I left the car park and yes, I did point out that it was against the law to share photos -his answer -‘ I’m not sharing them, they’re still on my phone’

You must surely know that this is not 'how things go now'! Yes, you dodged a bullet.

All the innuendos that you've had to 'shut down' were a clear sign that he was a creep (but you ignored it). He's been feeding you a bunch of sexualised stuff at an increasing rate. He's only been interested in one thing (despite anything else he's said).

"I’m interested if this is how things go now or was he a curved ball "

No it isn't normal and no he wasn't a curved ball.

Don't fall into the trap of trying to make a square peg fit in a round hole just because you "matched" on paper.

This is strange op, because you sound super switched on in your op. In fact I was thinking you go girl as you described your healing process.

And then you have to ask if this guy who is very very clearly after a hook up is weird or not. On no planet is it normal to share such photos with a stranger on a second date, and of course they weren't unsolicited.

Yes op, he's not one of the good ones.

He violated some woman's consent and you're asking what? Is this 'normal'? No!

What an absolute fucking perv. My god.

Actually no, I was reluctant to sign up after hearing some horror stories from friends, and there does seem to be a strong element of early sexualised chat from a fair few people, there are also a lot of people playing numbers games, already in relationships or scamming - it’s like the Wild West!

The problem with OLD now, or maybe it's not a problem for many, is it is so so super easy to get sex. You can literally be shagging someone thirty minutes after you loaded your profile up if that's what you both want. I know this from experience.

For many men, and women, if you're financially secure, have done the kids thing, have friends, have hobbies, enjoy life, like living alone ...the only thing missing is sex.

And, as I said above, it's easy to get. He was very clearly just after sex. The way to tell that op, for next time, is the dropping in of the sexual chat at the very beginning. People just after sex aren't going to waste any more time than is necessary ti get it, because like I said, there's plenty of people of both sexes who are up for it and don't care who with. So they'll have dozens of chats going on to see who responds in the right vein.

I think your conclusions are bang on, and your boundaries and expectations reasonable, and he is best avoided. GL.

he’d be flashing your gash to his next date

I know people say this all the time but I really did spit my coffee all over my phone, all down myself and I think a few drops may have also reached the cat.

Twenty random women send a picture of their chuff to their accountant?

Hahaha. No.

OMG you must be such a catch that women can’t resist you. Now you’ve shown me a gallery of random women’s flange photos, I can’t wait to rip your clothes off now - taxi!!

Said absolutely no women ever

Not in the uk here so it might not apply. My exH (47) was also on a dating site, we "saw" each other on there so he knew I was there to. When we met up (divorce related meeting) he was genuinely anxious about me being on there and he had left the site because he was uncomfortable with all the middle aged women sending him unsolicited dodgy photos. I have no reason to disbelieve him. He has nothing to prove. I don't know if it's the same in the uk but I would say that men-wise 85% of the men on these sites most women would not go near. So when middle aged women are battling it out against women with youth on their side for 15% of the men maybe they do feel they have to play the milf fantasy card.