Weirdo alert?

[Coastgirl22]

Quick back story - DH died 3.5 years ago - done all my healing, so time to get back in the saddle (I’m 55 look after myself, fortunate in life) online sub to one of the nicer sites, start chatting to a guy, on paper, reasonably good looking, solvent, etc so ticks a lot of boxes. Also widowed around the same time. Few random innuendos on messaging which I’ve shut down with humour. Met first time he was all gushy and starry - very nice … went missing from communication a couple of times both because ‘he’d dropped his phone’ no probs as he’s on s dating site I’d expect him to be on other dates but told me he’d gone offline (he hadn’t)
increase in innuendo before our second date, again slapped down. I’ve made it clear from the start I’m looking for next chapter not hook ups etc (did lots of that as part of healing) he said same.

second date going like a charm - he then tells me that after his wife died he started getting random unsolicited pics off women he’d known through business (he’s an accountant) once the word got round he was single. He was quite insistent I see these pics which ranged from lingerie to full- on gynae shots - all apparently unsolicited! I burst out laughing (they all looked like me so he obvs has a type) he then was pressing his open - mindedness . I set my stall out by saying within the confines of a loving relationship I am also open minded (believe me, I’ve had my moments, especially during my ‘healing’ phase) but I would no sooner send a photo of my bits to a virtual stranger than poke myself in the eye etc….

date came to an end shortly thereafter and the mood changed from ‘hopefully when we grow this’ from him to ‘well, keep in touch’

so opinion, experienced ones, was I being groomed and have my clear boundaries kryptonited him?

and more intriguingly, would around 20 seemingly reasonable women send unsolicited photos of their lady-gardens to a virtual stranger 🤔 have I missed an evolutionary phase while I was in my happy love bubble?

Reporting to the police is a waste of time, theirs and the OPs, he can simply change his story or deny it happened.

If they bothered contact him it would give him a fright, but I can't see that happening.

Dumped after the very FIRST incident of 'innuendo' I'd have thought. Because a man who thinks sexual innuendo is a good idea with someone he doesn't know is not going to be a great catch.

And the pictures of women's bits? He's probably paid for those and he showed you because he thought it would turn you on, because it turns him on. Next stop is dick pics.

Bullet well dodged.

I agree with this. And it's a route many men seem to take - it varies from 'these are the others I matched with' to 'look at my beautiful ex. She's a model. You should feel grateful that I'm even giving you the time of day.'

I’ve done OLD for years and this guy sounds like a total creep OP, I don’t know what’s his story but he’s a fantasist with more red flags than a Russian convention.

Oh dear, sad sack of a man downloaded nude pictures of random women off adult websites and saved to his phone. He then made up story about women throwing themselves at him (yawn). He was warming you up for a badly delivered 'pick me' dance because the world of online dating marketing has given him the mad delusion that he is special, in demand and can order whatever perversion he wants because he is superman. The eternal sweet shop jar model of plentiful supply of ladies to entertain his loins is the marketing message he has been spun by Tinder etc. Plenty of them out there in the online world, and a lot worse than him besides. At least he had the 'courtesy' to reveal himself as a sex pest moron early on in your acquaintance to stop wasting your time.

@Coastgirl22

Unfortunately just like offline 😕 as online there will Creeps about need to beware about,

He was just testing the waters to see just how 🤔 open minded you could possibly be in the future,
and if there was a way he could take advantage of that,
I think he was a bit ah what a shame 🫠 that you were his type too but you are not up to getting into idea of hook ups, one stands or swinging possibility,

He was really hoping you were,

You are right your instinct was spot 👌 on you need to trust them more often.

And yes, sounds like he’s attempting to groom you or maybe he’s do socially awkward that he thinks it’s ok to show these pics on a second date which is something that as this thread proves would make any sane woman run in the opposite direction. Reds flags a galore 🚩🚩🚩

Good lesson to learn early on in your dating adventures, OP. If a man is showing behaviours that you don't want to see, you end the conversation and move on. Don't try to use humour, persuade him, or change his behaviour. He's showing you what kind of a person he is. Doesn't necessarily make him a monster if he's only looking for casual sex, but if that's not what you're looking for, don't waste your time.

In this case, you didn't need to go on two dates with the guy and have a disturbing experience in order to know he wasn't a good person for you. The minute he dropped communication, or started to talk in a way that made you uncomfortable, you should have ended the conversation there.

OLD can be great but you really do have to be strict. Go for what you want. Not someone who looks like they possibly could be what you want if they didn't do X, Y, or Z. Only match people who meet all your criteria, and the second they demonstrate they aren't suitable, let them go. Do not invest time, effort and energy in people who aren't the kind of people you're looking for.

What a freak - avoid x 1000

It's so true @mewkins
I always laughed at the profiles where they have a photo of themselves with a far far far better looking woman than them. Undoubtedly a random woman who wouldn't give them the time of day- but clearly meant to suggest to the reader that that's the grade of looks they expect and can get. Absolute muppets.

Which 'nicer' site was he on OP? Just so everyone reading can avoid a widowed accountant!

It is so easy to copy/paste from porn sites. Maybe rough as dogs Pornhub (my ex used it) or even Bellesa.com (which a friend uses)cough cough!!

E Harmony…. I’d love to post his profile pic…,

Sorry but this comment made me 😆 @BeauSignoles

WTF have I read.

Bloody weirdo. He certainly likes figures (get it 😂).

So, lovely mumsnetters thank you all for your input - so much appreciated. As a summary, my instinct told me something was off and I was very right. Thank you lovely people for your candid sharing - it’s a brave new world for sure. Going to give OLD a swerve for now, it’s a bit of a weirdos playground I think. (Absolute respect to those fortunate souls who’ve met their person online)

It's such a shame (although obvo I wouldn't want it on my own profile if I had one) that people can't leave feedback like eBay.

Saw this on instagram and it made me laugh

Someone needs to make a tripadvisor but for men, so we can leave reviews on guys so the next girl can read it and know what she's in for. "Average sized penis, bit of a twat, not as rich as he makes out, I definitely won't be returning"

It would save so much time @SamW98

'Ghosted me'
'Sent unsolicited dick pic'
'Had sex and never heard from him again'
'Didn't turn up'
'Married'
'Not interested in a relationship'
'5.9 not 5.11'

Actually, I’m reliably informed/believe there are FB groups called ‘are we dating the same guy’ or something similar (seems to be regional)

Omg! That's a bullet dodged. He got the pics off the net, not from real women.

"Someone needs to make a tripadvisor but for men"

@SamW98 Do it! Or even a mumsnet "Rate Your Date" topic

@DatingDinosaur

L.o.l 😂 that's a good idea...

Trip advisor style 😎 for men

Yep, my first thought was he has paid for these photos through OF, or he has simply Googled them.
He's a creep.

The first big red flag was even before your first date.

If ever someone sends you an innuendo before a date/early stages, it is a huge sign showing exactly what their motive is.

Then they’re onto their next victim.

As soon as an innuendo is sent, do not give them the benefit of the doubt. Immediately fu*k them off and block.

I’m sure you know to look out for ones that just want to come round with a bottle of wine (and a quick fu*k!).

Not to mention how highly risky this situation could be.

All in all it’s a numbers game. It takes a long time to get to know the true person.
Just be very careful and take your time.

In affect it’s a long interviewing process.

Good luck 💐