Weirdo alert?

[Coastgirl22]

Quick back story - DH died 3.5 years ago - done all my healing, so time to get back in the saddle (I’m 55 look after myself, fortunate in life) online sub to one of the nicer sites, start chatting to a guy, on paper, reasonably good looking, solvent, etc so ticks a lot of boxes. Also widowed around the same time. Few random innuendos on messaging which I’ve shut down with humour. Met first time he was all gushy and starry - very nice … went missing from communication a couple of times both because ‘he’d dropped his phone’ no probs as he’s on s dating site I’d expect him to be on other dates but told me he’d gone offline (he hadn’t)
increase in innuendo before our second date, again slapped down. I’ve made it clear from the start I’m looking for next chapter not hook ups etc (did lots of that as part of healing) he said same.

second date going like a charm - he then tells me that after his wife died he started getting random unsolicited pics off women he’d known through business (he’s an accountant) once the word got round he was single. He was quite insistent I see these pics which ranged from lingerie to full- on gynae shots - all apparently unsolicited! I burst out laughing (they all looked like me so he obvs has a type) he then was pressing his open - mindedness . I set my stall out by saying within the confines of a loving relationship I am also open minded (believe me, I’ve had my moments, especially during my ‘healing’ phase) but I would no sooner send a photo of my bits to a virtual stranger than poke myself in the eye etc….

date came to an end shortly thereafter and the mood changed from ‘hopefully when we grow this’ from him to ‘well, keep in touch’

so opinion, experienced ones, was I being groomed and have my clear boundaries kryptonited him?

and more intriguingly, would around 20 seemingly reasonable women send unsolicited photos of their lady-gardens to a virtual stranger 🤔 have I missed an evolutionary phase while I was in my happy love bubble?

Man in 40s here who's done internet dating, never happened to me, nor anyone I know.

Its not impossible, early on in my teaching career a female colleague started sending my male colleague (and good buddy) pics of herself sprawled on a bed in lingerie, poor chap was a bit naive and showed me the pictures wondering if she fancied him!!, I told him to ask her out, they have been married 15 years now and 2 kids!!

So based on that, its not impossible one, or even two sent him some racy photos, but not 20!! and who the hell would show those pictures to someone on a date!!

More likely he has procured said pictures from some dodgy site and is showing them to people and getting off on the reaction - nice!😳

Serious doubt over the widower bit as well I think.

As a woman of 50+ who has done OLD in the past - and currently given up - my experience is once they start sexual chat quickly, especially before you’ve even met, they’re telling you they’re only interested in sex nothing more.

And I can honestly say I don’t know a single friend who has ever sent a photo of their vagina to a random man and most of my friends have done OLD.

While I don’t doubt the occasional woman might do this, 20 to the same man - no way.

I agree with PP, he’s got these pics off google to try and convince you it’s normal

This.

Women did NOT send him photos of themselves upon hearing he was widowed...what a liar!

Yes. Weirdo alert.

😂

He's paid for the photos on OF and/or he and his mates share any they get. Either option means he's a pig. And yes, he's grooming you in the sense that he wants you to think it's the normal thing to do, to compete with all these other "open minded" women and to worry that you're not open minded enough, and of course to move to sex sooner than you want. Your creep radar is working just fine. He will probably send you a dick pic soon.

Total loser alert.

I'd swerve him totally.

And even if EVERY OTHER WOMAN IN THE WORLD was sending men pics and I missed that that had become the norm while married, I still wouldn't be doing it.

I can confidently say this is not the right man for you

Yes I agree with a PP...if he's widowed then I'm Mickey mouse.

Please no!! Blocked thankfully!!

First rule of OLD - any dodgy innuendos DELETE!

They've shown you who they are! Don't knock back with humour. Just delete!

Trust me!

Agree. I gave benefit of doubt at start and it doesn’t get any better.

Learned through experience - unmatch delete next!

Legit weirdo

One of my parents friends did get sent rude pics but he's rich so I think it's a thing. Used to know a D lost actor & a footballer & they got lots of DMs on insta of desperate women.

Sorry but if someone told me they’d been getting random unsolicited pictures from women after them hearing about him being single I’d have walked out of the date there and then! No woman just sends random pictures of their vulva to a man once they learned he as single! Hes obviously given them his contact details so that means he’s obviously been using hookup/ adult sites and that’s where the pictures are coming from! He’s telling you they’re unsolicited so that you will tolerate all this shit in the future (him going on all sorts of hookup/ adult sites) and chatting to and having sex with women and if you happen to see any of this on your phone you will just think it’s all ‘unsolicited’ pictures because he’s such a catch that women are so desperate for a piece of him they send (unsolicited) pictures of their vulvas to him!!

It’s even more weird that he went and showed you these pictures on your 2ND DATE so he’s already working his manipulative tactics with you!!!

The man is a disgusting perv!!! Nothing more to it!

I would report him to the OLD site, and to the police. He has committed a crime if his account (of how he came to have the photos he showed you) is to be believed.

He sounds deeply unpleasant and odd.

Sorry the image of a bunch of lady accountants furiously sending him nudes made me laugh. He definitely just found them online.

Btw your boundaries don't sound great, if someone makes innuendos I don't like I don't continue contact.

I doubt he even ‘found’ them online. He will have been on some dirty adult/ hookup site and women will have voluntarily sent them to him. In other words his ‘date’ with op was just an initial meet up before treating op like a hookup - also with the expectation of her just accepting these random women throwing their vulvas at him as being ‘unsolicited’ in the likelihood she’d just accept anymore further ‘unsolicited vulva’ pictures as ‘nothing to worry about’ so he could continue on his merry way having hookups and dirty online encounters with women.

He showed you who he is by the inneundos.
I don't believe they were unsolicited, might be fished out of the internet and shown to you to compete with those imaginary women. And if he did know them I think it's horrific the way he showed them to you, violating their privacy. He sounds like a greasy slimey man.

There hundreds of Reddit subs and Twitter accounts posting unstaged, realistic, rustic home style, unprofessional porn and nudes. It's very easy to find nudes of any type of body.

Is his wife even dead would be my first question.

Yikes. Did he think showing you a bunch of racy photos was going to get you in the mood or something?! What a perv. A bullet of massive proportions dodged.

Damn!!

He might have specifically selected women who look like you or what he imagines you will look like naked so you feel more relaxed and forthcoming with sex. He sounds like he has formulated a specific courting procedure.

‘Hopefully when we grow this’. What does he think you are? A bloody vegetable?

If there even was a wife

So it was a coincidence that these women bombarded him with photos but all looked like you 🤔

He didn't initiate anything .... yeah right. Totally coincidental they are similar types.