Is there any decent men on online dating ?.

[Eternallyoptimistic2020]

Sadly I find myself single at the age of 50 again through no fault of my own . I really would like to meet someone to share the rest of my life with . I am so fed of online dating, it all starts well then I either get totally ghosted with no explanation or asked for rude photos . I need to give up don’t I ?

No. They are there. Don’t give up!

In my experience, no! Mid 50s, professional job, educated ..scrub up OK.. could loose weight..but not ever going or want to be a gym bunny cba.
I get lots of "likes" ..if i say so myself 😆 but very few men my age bracket..Good job... ..educated..interesting. They are either in their 20s...err no thanks dear...or chancers...think bathroom pics...drinking smoking pics in bedsit land...am I picky? Or as I think all the good ones are still in relationships. I've been told it's a numbers game...but I can't waste my time anymore. Maybe some more positive people will have a better experience.

It’s starting to actually depress me 😂

I’ve completely given up OLD after a year of completely wasted time.

Im 55 and the level of men of similar age who actually have something about them and are not after no strings sex is almost non existent.

A few people strike lucky but for everyone I know it’s the same painful time wasting experience.

I met my lovely BF online 18 months ago. We’re late 40’s/early 50’s. Don’t give up!

After what colleagues and my aunt have told me no there isn’t. From sounds of it a varying degree of weirdos. So be careful 😊

It's a NO from me

I met my dp online over 4 years ago. This was Bumble though...Tinder wasn't so successful.

The things you have mentioned are definite no-no's, obviously but I would say try not to be too picky...as in don't expect the 'perfect' man because he doesn't exist, especially as you get older. Men (and women of course) as we get older are likely to have had some life experience and all that goes with that - whether that's having children, a bad break up/divorce, mental health issues, etc.

My dp certainly isn't 'perfect' by a lot of people's standards but he has taught me that I need to accept people as they are, not hope they turn into something I want. I am not perfect either. I guess work out what your deal breakers are and you would be willing to work with.

My sister found a good man through OLD! They’ve been together for five years and are planning on getting married soon. I’m hoping for similar luck eventually 😅

It’s the ghosting which is the worse part as they bombard you with weeks of messages and attention and then completely disappear with no explanation. Perhaps it’s just me ?

I think if you're prepared to make a job out of it & spend a long time working through 100 frogs to get 1 prince, then possibly.

Generally, they are "other woman's rejects" & single for a reason.

From newly-single rebounders, to sex pests, non-committals, downright delusionals , sports/hobbies ondessives hard-core singles - that's the majority.

I date in short bursts. Do an app for 1 month, message for 1 week & meet up within my strict criteria.

It's very wearing & I don't like to give it too much time or headspace.

And the women on OLD? Are they all 'other men's rejects and single for a reason'? Or have most of them just found themselves single for whatever reason and would like to find someone? I'm glad my dp didn't make these assumptions about me.

My dp has plenty of interesting stories to tell of his time online dating before we met too so knob-ish behaviour isn't reserved just for men. I'm sorry you haven't had a great experience old so far and hope it improves for you, or perhaps you need to knock it on the head if it's not for you.

I also found myself single at the tender age of 45 through no fault of my own.
I recently joined Tinder out of curiosity. I find that there are many interesting men out there but of course OLD is like a factory production line. You get many likes and matches, then you start talking then you or him might start talking to someone else etc. it can be lots of of fun as long as you don’t take it too seriously. It’s no different to meeting someone at a bar, it’s just that the pool of single (in theory!) people is much bigger.
For me the preferred way to meet someone still remains through common friends, at work, common hobbies etc because I feel much safer but OLD can be fun as long as tou don’t place all your hopes on it.
so, I would say take a break and rejoin after a month but aso continue looking elsewhere.

It's always like sifting through frogs tbf.

Tbh if I'm single at 50 I'm not sure I'd bother with a partner. Often women end up caregivers to older men as they age. It's too risky imo. Probably not worth the few good years left.
Suppose if you're in good shape you could date younger. Find yourself a late 30s toyboy maybe ;)

I know everyone says it’s supposed to be fun but I found it tedious. There wasn’t anything enjoyable about my whole experience.

Despite me being very clear that I’m not interested in hook ups, ONS or being a cougar, all I seemed to attract was much younger men or the ones who go to sex chat within a couple of days.

I never wanted to message for weeks and always said I prefer to meet up however in a year of OLD I only actually got up the point of meeting on 5 occasions.

I got so bored and realised although it may work for a handful, that for everyone who meets someone decent, there’s 1000’s wasting their time.

I do think because I’ve got a very active and happy single life, it would need to be someone who added value to what I’ve already got and they dont seem to exist

I've had a few dates from online dating.
I can usually weed out the weirdos through the messages so I've met some nice guys (but no one that I fancied that much or thought I could build something with)
The odd one or two slipped through the net and I had a couple of dodgy meet ups.
That said, I am fed up of the inane chat and haven't been online dating for ages as I think it's not for me.

@Sunshineandflipflops - I can't comment on the women as I haven't dated any, but can only reiterate the experience of myself, friends, family & colleagues.

I wish I did meet men in real life, as I think that's far better, but I haven't done & have very limited opportunities due to childcare commitments.

Well it took me 5 years of online dating but i finally found one 😂

OLD is just the pits. The men expect you to like them straight away. When I meet someone for the first time, all I think is that I am here to get to know you. I swiped you on the app, however that does not mean I adore you. It’s too early and we don’t know each other yet. The men have different ideas, it’s all a rush to the third meeting at their place. By that point, I am not that into them yet. It’s all rushed with no real time to actually get interested in the person.

Plus all that texting needed to get one date! I’m happy to meet after a couple of messages, as I can’t stand the messaging. You don’t really get a view of them over texting. Then they bombard you with texts all day long like little boys looking for attention. One week later, they disappear! Good grief. I’m fine with online dating. I’ll have to go out strategically to find a man who k can get to know at a more organic pace.

OLD gives people the false belief that they can find a better woman and that they have endless choices. When actually, it is not the case at all. The men just discard ladies too quickly as most of them are just after a quickie. I have seen so many men who rejected me online on bumble and tinder years after we met. I saw 6 of them again this week. They did not find anyone better after all. I got on with about two of them and they ghosted me. Sheer idiots. They even try to reach out again. I don’t think so.

I’ve had exactly the same. Men who’ve unmatched me then try and reconnect making silly excuses about unpacking by mistake - aka didn’t get a better offer. I’ve had the same bloke who ghosted me a year ago try and match with me again on several occasions - no thanks mate.

And unfortunately my experience has been that almost all of them try to turn chat sexual almost straight away. And very few I’ve found have a clue how to communicate.

its painful

I was the same, gave up and prioritised myself for a good bit and went back on. I did kiss a fair few frogs. I didn’t chat for more than a few days without arranging to meet someone though. No endless chat as I find they are the ones who don’t meet or just want an ego boost. Did meet my lovely boyfriend who is fab. Wishing you lots of luck and positivity op it’s tough at times

Just to redress the balance a bit,after becoming single last year, I (M53),am back on POF and always send a nice polite message to start the concersation and very rarely get a response,although when I do get a reply it generally goes well.
My pics are all ok,Im presentable and always ask about them etc so its definitely a numbers game-Roughly 10 messages to get a response I reckon

@Specialized101 - I reckon I get the same response rate too - many profiles seem inactive (probably as it's so expensive.

So I've paused my profile while I take a break.

A friend told me the dating sites use the same algorithms as casinos!

@RoséProsecco Tbf I didnt immediately realise that when you click to send a message it tells you when they were last online,in some instances they hadnt been online for many many months so no surprise I didnt get replies to start with 🙄😂