Is there any decent men on online dating ?.

[Eternallyoptimistic2020]

Sadly I find myself single at the age of 50 again through no fault of my own . I really would like to meet someone to share the rest of my life with . I am so fed of online dating, it all starts well then I either get totally ghosted with no explanation or asked for rude photos . I need to give up don’t I ?

As an example im chatting to a nice lady at the moment,she lives in a small town nearby and a quick Facebook search revealed that shes happily married and the trips that shed been on recently with her friends were actually and predictably with her Husband !
Im tempted to call her out on it but I only ever respond to her messages and never instigate conversations .its quite fascinating and the conversations are never sexual,shes playing a very dangerous game as her pics on POF are definitely of her as theyre the same pics on her FB profile.
Nowt as queer as folk....

Oh wow @Specialized101 - that's horrendous behaviour!

I really can't be bothered with stuff like that - it really is a minefield trying to avoid these types.

Would be so much easier if you can meet someone in real life....... but that doesn't happen for me.

@RoséProsecco I take it all with a pinch of salt,my lifes ok and im still getting over my most recent relationship so theres no rush for anything other than conversation at the moment.
I work with a few females of similar age but im just not attracted to them so online dating it is !
Im not putting any pressure on myself but I dont enjoy being single that much if im honest

3 years OLD, on and off. Found it soul destroying at times. Did meet a few decently behaved and nice men though, along the way, and have stayed friends (purely platonic) with one of them. Had very clear ideas about who I wanted to meet and was very strict on criteria, would immediately get rid if any weird chat came up, plus I didn’t bother meeting until I’d got a sense from messages that they were at least nice and reasonably normal. Was lucky enough to meet my lovely DP 18 months ago and both very happy. He’s 58, I’m 52!

I've given up with dating sites. It's should destroying. I'm 51 and female. Ended a long, sexless marriage (10 year age gap) 3 years ago. Lack of attraction (from my side) and spent far too long in a marriage that I shouldn't have.

I'm either too picky or I get messed about. It just isn't worth it. I definitely don't think it's the right platform for me.

Here I am, 51. I'd say I was fairly attractive for my age. Love the outdoors - Lakes, Peaks etc. Enjoy photography and kayaking. Love to travel. Love long weekends in London. Professional career. Three university degrees (two at Masters). Lovely personality. Extremely passionate (with the right man). But, here I am alone. Going to bed each night sad and lonely. It's awful. Really is.

OLD is the pits!

*soul destroying!

@TakeMeToLondonTown

Totally agree. I’m 55 tried OLD for a year and it’s been a waste of time.

I’ve got very different interests to you but I’m also attractive, look younger than my age, very sociable, friendly, witty - I’m a bloody good catch for someone.

Yet all I attract is sleazy men who just go straight to sex chat and want no strings sex or those much older who look like my dad. Either that or younger ones looking for a cougar. I think I’ve seen every man online in a 50 mile radius and drawn a blank.

I don’t feel lonely as I’ve got a great friendship group and active social life but it’s hard to believe that there’s no one out there for me.

At least you know it's not you !

Question, many women have unpleasant experiences with men even on a first date (lots of threads on here), would you say women often don't behave well too ? I've always wondered.

I think there’s definitely women who behave badly from what I’ve heard.

A male friend of mine turned up for a date and it was a totally different person to the one in her photos. She told him she didn’t think he’d fancy her so used her mates photos and then got nasty when he called the date off saying he was a judgemental shallow prick.
Another male friend went on a date and the woman who told him she was 54 was actually in her 70’s and walked with a stick. Her photos were of her daughter. Again she got abusive when the guy called the date off immediately saying age is only a number and they’re got on well chatting online and should be given a chance.

There will be someone out there for you. It's just finding him! Maybe he will turn up when you least expect it.

I'm going to join a few walking groups in the spring and get out and about more. I enjoy being outdoors so that will help lift my spirit, even if my dream man isn't out there! Already considering getting a kitten to keep me company! Eldest child at university now and I hardly hear from him (also has a job and a girlfriend) and my youngest is 2 years away from university. Lost my parents and siblings so feel extremely alone at times.

Really hope 2024 is our year!

Forgot to say, my sister in law is 66 and has met a lovely man (67) on a dating site. My brother passed away 2 years ago btw! Seems to be ticking along nicely.

Thank you. Tbh I don’t actually care any more. I’m really comfortable on my own and don’t think I want a man intruding on my peace now.

I’ve been single 4 years - it’s first time in my adult life I’ve ever really been on my own - and not even a sniff of a relationship. In that time I can count my dates on my fingers and only one lead to a second.

I did even briefly look at a FWB but even then I didn’t really get any interest from anyone vaguely presentable. Maybe I am picky but I don’t think having standards is a bad thing. Why settle for someone who isn’t right?

I’ve made my peace with it though. I have a group of single friends and all of them have had similar experiences with OLD. It’s pretty grim out there

I know a lovely couple who are both 65 and met 2 years ago at a soul night in a local bar and they seem really happy.

OLD has changed dramatically in the last 3 years so everyone saying the met someone or their friend met someone 5 years ago were the lucky ones.

I did it during lockdown and thought there was much more choice (probably due to other ways of meeting people not being allowed) and actually met a couple of normal men, one of whom was a decent respectable man.

Tried again last year and just thought "nope", the men came across as entitled and rude when really they had zero reason to be.

I met my lovely dh on match but that was 9 years ago, no idea what that site is like now.

I also think OLD has given a lot of men an entitlement that they wouldn’t have in the wild. So they feel it’s normal to message women who are realistically out of their league and then get abusive when they get a no thanks.

Ive had messages from hugely overweight men 10 years+ older than me who get nasty and abusive when they got a very polite no response from me. I was even called a f*cking racist for saying ‘thank you for your message but you’re not what I’m looking for. I wish you well with your search’.

I just didn’t find it a pleasant, fun or enjoyable experience.

I view it as buying a lottery ticket, although a lot more effort! You won't win the lottery if you don't buy a ticket so if you want a chance, you have to buy one. But neither does that mean you will win.

Some people strike lucky on OLD but some people win the lottery! I think the chances are about equal.

I was chatting to a guy once, then they did that link up thing between WhatsApp and FB and he came up on my people you may know. During the 4 weeks of us chatting he'd got married! I mean, bad enough there are married people on there looking for someone on the side but during the wedding period itself?!! Sent him some harsh words and blocked him obviously.

I've decided I'll meet someone the old fashioned way or not at all. I'm by no means desperate for a relationship, pretty happy as I am. I couldn't go through it all again. The sex talk, the one word messages, the messing around, the ghosting.

I think honestly for the best chance of success you have to be on there a lot, ready to pounce on new members, lol. The good men get snapped up so quickly. Any guy who's been on there over 6 months either isn't looking for a relationship or there's a reason he hasn't found one. Sorry men, but that's my opinion.

I agree with the poster above that for a woman to be lucky at this age you have to constantly be on the lookout for new faces, and try to get in there quickly. The only man I met in a year, who I liked, had just joined days previously (sadly he didn't want to see me again). I have two lovely male friends who both met long term partners OLD in the last two years - both met their partners within days - the women had both been looking for two years.

I did online dating in my late 20s for 3 years and it genuinely was a lot of fun. My year of OLD aged 48 was utterly depressing. I ended up getting back with my most recent ex (aged 52) who I met 2 years ago at a dance music event. My experiences certainly made me appreciate him more.

Yes I did .
Was mid forties
Single mother of 4 after 25 year marriage
Had never been on a date ever
Successful full time career
Quietly confident
I listed my absolutes (non negotiables), likes amd dislikes
Made it quite clear what I was looking for amd that it would include: good company / dinner / theatre amd friendship only initially.
I dated one guy a month for two years and followed a great thread at the time on Mumsnet with some really good advice . I think there was a light hearted but very effective 'set of rules' or something amd I liked them too it helped.
Every date was lovely apart from one
Keep in touch with a few still.
Decided I cba after a while amd but pursued by a 44 year old guy anyway / never married / no dc .
He took me out to dinner eventually amd 7 years later we are happily married (Aug just gone ) / children adore him and we've just bought a house.
Never been so happy in my life .
Biggest tip .... be really happy on your own for a while and then is the right time to look . I didn't need to meet someone if you know what I mean but seriously feel like I have never been so happy now x

I’ve only been single 4 years so no experience of pre Covid OLD. However friends who have tried it years ago say it’s changed hugely since lockdown and it’s much worse now than 5 years ago.

Too many players, time wasters, liars, fakes and cheats not really looking for a relationship now.

I met DP 12 months ago on Match. Both 54. Engaged in July. Just moved in together. Getting married this year.

Met Ex 10 years ago on Match. Together 8 years.

OLD is different now but still doable. I used it as entertainment and never expected to meet a good one but I certainly did.

@SamW98
I'm very picky too. Always have been. I shouldn't have married the man I did as I knew, deep down, he didn't do much for me. Like you, I don't want to settle for someone that is right (especially the second time).

My sister in law met her new man on Match. I joined to try it out (being younger than her) but no luck. I've subscribed for 6 months but ended up hiding my profile. It's awful.

Someone that isn't right!

And, also, I'd move hundreds of miles for the right man. Think this is also an issue for me as I hate NE accents (where I am)!