Is there any decent men on online dating ?.

[Eternallyoptimistic2020]

Sadly I find myself single at the age of 50 again through no fault of my own . I really would like to meet someone to share the rest of my life with . I am so fed of online dating, it all starts well then I either get totally ghosted with no explanation or asked for rude photos . I need to give up don’t I ?

Ourtime which is the over 50’s part of Match is truly the most soul destroying dating site ever. I paid for a month and it was just a succession of very overweight pasty faced men staring blankly into the camera giving off Norman Bates vibes. In the month I was a member I had about 200 messages and only 3 of those were even vaguely presentable.

I went to WhatsApp with all 3 - one made sexual comments almost immediately and got deleted, second made digs and called it his humour- again deleted. The 3rd we chatted for a while but he literally did nothing with his life, had no real friends, no social life, no hobbies just kept telling me he couldn’t wait to retire and saying how busy my life was compared to his. And I don’t want someone who has nothing else in their life. I want someone independent and sociable.

I dated as a middle aged man. I had a similarly depressing experience.
The people on line are the ones who are holding off as they think they are a great catch, yet also the ones who are left on the market. That they are keen on dating suggests they are the ones who expect relationships to give to them without taking
The experiences that women describe are pretty puch the ones I had the other way round. It was unattractive women expecting me to compete for the chance to support her and raise her kids.

It sounds counter-intuitive, but I found better women looking for hook-ups only. The were the ones who were single as they had not met a decent man before. I suggest there are many good men out there, but they have likely never known a partner who cares about them and will have been put of relationships (or be snpped up quickly when they come on the dating market).

@SamW98
I think it's best to get out and about to meet someone in real life. OLD is definitely not my bag at all!

I’m out all the time - no luck there either 🤣

I just seem to attract the wrong sort of men unfortunately

The right sort of men, like the right sort of women, will typically be cautious of relationships. I am happily married again, but it was tough and it is grim out there.

@Sweden99 if you don’t mind the question where did you meet your wife?

I’m about to ghost someone after a couple of weeks of texting, but hear me out.

I like men to take initiative and to want to meet up sooner rather than later. Now I know there has been Christmas and New Year recently, but we are both back in London this week, and he hasn’t suggested we meet for a coffee this weekend. He knows I have no plans other than a couple of yoga classes. He also knows my weeknight evenings are reasonably free because I mentioned that work was quiet atm.

I’ve dropped hint after hint as to my availability and… nothing.

So I’m not going to reply to his latest set of messages (which are the usual ‘what have you been up to’ boring chat).

I’m not saying this is why you’re getting ghosted, but the ability to ghost at the messaging stage is an advantage of OLD so embrace it. You’re essentially vetting each other before wasting time IRL where it’s much harder to run away when they’re insufferable.

But why would you not just say "look this is clearly going nowhere. Goodbye" or similar! When you ghost you just perpetuate the idea that it's an acceptable way to treat people.

It sounds like he hasn't been abusive in any way or bombarded you with sex talk. Which would be valid reasons for a straight block. I mean obviously you can do what you want and don't have to answer to me! But it's just not a nice thing to do to someone and leave them wondering where they went wrong.

OLD in the end, but I joined a site and she was one of only two I contacted. If she had not replied I would have left the site. This was in Scandinavia.

I think it is acceptable for a woman to ghost. It is understood generally it can be awkward or that she might be wary to upsetting a chap, no matter how nice he might seem. It is a strange thing for a man to write perhaps, but it happened to me a couple of times and I understood.

I think ghosting ok if you’ve never met and only exchanged a few messages. It happens all the time.

I’ve only once had someone tell me they were feeling it before they vanished and actually he was really rude basically saying it was all me, nothing to do with him.

Once you’ve had a date then yes you should tell them it’s not for you but before that, I don’t see the problem.

I think OLD has been the catalyst for so many people actively choosing to stay single, which defeats the object.
I am ok with being alone, most people are still on their own in a relationship truth be told, or feel like they are. The rug can be pulled at any time.