Is my ex still interested

[Ca90rla]

Hi im wondering of anyone has experienced anything similar to this and if you have any advice for me.
My ex lost his nan at the beginning of the year and a month later told me he needed space and time obviously there was alot of questions and things said then 4 months later we kind of just stopped contacting each other. We only spoke when it concerned our daughter who is 1.
He didn't see her for a while and she become really uncomfortable when she saw him and she now needs to get used to him again.
In November after jot speaking for a long time he randomly sent me money for my birthday and I sent it back with no contact. Then recently he asked me of I could take our daughter to see him and stay with her until she settled then me to leave which I did. When there he was telling his private life like bills etc and about his other children.
2 days later he messaged to see if I was able to take my daughter again but not to leave her and then not heard from him since.

Do you think he's still interested?? Or does anyone understand his logic ??

Also if he wanted to give money for the infant why doesn't he just up the monthly money or go and buy her something etc

Well, who knows. He'll have to be a bit more proactive than that if he actually wants you back. Maybe he will be. But don't wait around.

I'm not waiting around and I will keep going to take my daughter to see him because I believe it is what is best for her. And at least he can never say I stopped him from seeing her. I was just curious with the birthday thing it just baffled me.

You sound so desperate for someone to say he wants to be with you and that’s why he sent it. If you want to be his dogs body that’s up to you but I hope you and your daughter do better than that.

Listen he has 50 percent parental rights and I do not have the right to take that from him so I will not stop him seeing his daughter.
I am not desperate if I was desperate I'd be turning up at his door begging for him back so please keep your comments to yourself.
I take it you would stop your child seeing there father for.no actual reason?

There is actually no reason for me to stop him seeing her. If you had any clue about the law around children you would know that just because he chooses when he wants to see her whether it's 2 days apart 5 weeks apart to the court that is not a good enough excuse for me to stop him seeing her. So if I have to go there and sit with them so he can see her I will

I just wanted to know why he would send the money that's all. Because for me I wouldn't send my ex anything and I find it strange how does that make me desperate ??

Yes, he could also do that. It seems like you can't get your head around the idea that a man could still like and be fond of the mother of his child, even when they are not romantically involved. For whatever vague reason he upped and left you both, and has proven himself to be a deadbeat, but as you say, there was never any aggression or hatred. And since he never even bothered to tell you it was over, it's not surprising that he's not the type to put hard boundaries in place. It sounds like he wishes you well, but is incapable and/or unwilling to fully step up and be what you need.

Who pays £50 a month for his child. In other words £12.50 a week. Shameful.

i wouldn’t bend over backwards for a man who abandons his child and can’t be arsed to make arrangements to see them.
also it’s only 50/50 if he signed the birth certificate with you or you were married and the law states you can go to court to sort child arrangements out.
you enjoy running round after him again and his next bout of ‘depression’ when he fucks off and leaves again. What a catch.

And the reason you sound desperate is because you’ve had several answers and are still bleating like a lost lamb ‘but he put money in MY account for MY birthday so surely he loves me!’

He is on the birth certificate because he is her father.
How can he leave again when we're not together. I don't run around after him, he has asked once to take our daughter to see him so I did, how is that running around after him.
You think you know everything but you don't

I never once said he loves me.
I've said it more than once because there's more than one person im speaking to.

so if I have to go and sit there.. = running around after him because it’s all on his terms.
he was still your daughters dad when he left for 5 weeks, strangely not everything is about you and him. He left her emotionally and physically and will again.

Okay well whilst he wants to see her he can. If he does it again where he leaves her for so long I will take different action like going to court but for now he wants to see her

I’m sorry if I’m coming across harsh, it’s just frustrating when everything your saying is a huge red flag for a dead beat dad who doesn’t give a shit and you’re gonna go above and beyond for him, make excuses for him when you and your child deserves so much better. I wish you all the best.

I'm not doing anything for him im doing it for my child. If she's upset I'm not just going to drop her off and leave I have to stay. If I don't take her then she won't see him at all then when she's older she will blame me for bot letting her see her dad.

Maybe I cant get my head around it. In my previous relationships once it was over that was it no communication never saw them again and that's that so it's very strange for me

I know its nothing but I dont need his money so I'm not bothered he also has 2 other children to pay for too

I'm assuming there weren't children involved in your previous relationships? Big difference. This is a lifelong relationship you're in now - the nature of it has changed, but you're going to have to get on with each other. It might help to reframe it that way - he's not an ex, he's a man you're not romantically involved with and whom you share a child with. It sounds like neither of you are bitter or devastated about the split, which bodes well for working together as parents. (Even though you're clearly going to be doing the lion's share of the work!)

No there wasnt but sirely a child can have a relationship with their dad without a mum being involved ( now i need to be because shes so young and cant communicate yet) I was very devasted about the split but time has now passed. I will just have to see how it goes and when she is older I won't have to be involved as much.

In fortunately not. You will always be involved with him because of your child. Even when she’s an adult. Unless he doesn’t have any contact at all you’ll always have a relationship, it’s not easy.

OK, yes. I'm sorry it was so hard on you - of course it was. There are so many different opinions on MN about how separated parents should relate to one another, and they are often coloured by people's personal experiences (either as the child or as the parent). People who have been through a horrible split will advocate strong boundaries for self-protection. People who split amicably will tend to say it's best for the parents to be as relaxed and friendly as they possibly can be. That doesn't mean you have to live in each other's pockets "for the sake of the children", but I do think it's better for children if they feel like their parents can comfortably be in the same room as each other and that they have each other's backs. It's a lot for little ones to bear, if they feel caught in the middle, or sense tension. But that's a whole other thread. Only you will know how things unfold, but hopefully as time passes you'll be able to maintain a good relationship with him.

Thankyou. Only time will tell I suppose

He's an unreliable waste of space who will continue messing you and your child around. This sporadic ad hoc contact won't do your daughter any favours as she grows up.