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Original poster

Is my ex still interested

100 replies

Ca90rla · 02/01/2024 14:07

Hi im wondering of anyone has experienced anything similar to this and if you have any advice for me.
My ex lost his nan at the beginning of the year and a month later told me he needed space and time obviously there was alot of questions and things said then 4 months later we kind of just stopped contacting each other. We only spoke when it concerned our daughter who is 1.
He didn't see her for a while and she become really uncomfortable when she saw him and she now needs to get used to him again.
In November after jot speaking for a long time he randomly sent me money for my birthday and I sent it back with no contact. Then recently he asked me of I could take our daughter to see him and stay with her until she settled then me to leave which I did. When there he was telling his private life like bills etc and about his other children.
2 days later he messaged to see if I was able to take my daughter again but not to leave her and then not heard from him since.

Do you think he's still interested?? Or does anyone understand his logic ??

OP posts:
Original poster
Ca90rla · 02/01/2024 20:02

Yes I understand and I did stay the last time because he asked me to stay until she was settled then I left once she was fine which he asked. But then he messaged me 2 days later saying next time you bring her I dont think you should leave her if she is settled ??

OP posts:
Chichimcgee · 02/01/2024 20:03

So you left her with him. For 2 hours. But you didn’t leave her with him. Erm ok.

Original poster
Ca90rla · 02/01/2024 20:06

Yes I did after she was settled and was fine with him. Its her dad she knows who he is because she was having regular contact with him apart from one time where he didn't see her for 5 weeks and then this is when she wasn't sure around him and was getting upset

OP posts:
Justanything86 · 02/01/2024 20:06

To be honest op I think he wants you to stay because its easier for him. He doesn't have to concentrate so hard on the baby and there's no crying etc to deal with when you leave. I would also assume he's sent the money to sweeten you. Sorry op.

Even if he was still interested no relationship would be the same as you could never trust him not to up sticks again. It would totally taint your view of him long term

Whiskerson · 02/01/2024 20:07

Ca90rla · 02/01/2024 19:58

Okay I never said I left her with him when I took her there I stayed with her and when she was settled with him I left her with him and his other 2 children for 2 hours and then he brought her back to me I would never just leave her im not stupid

Well, good. So you and your ex both agree that it's a good idea for you to bring her and stay with her a while. This sounds like sensible parenting.

I mean this kindly, but I feel like your expectations of men are so low, that even a tiny bit of normal behaviour from your ex has got you wondering if it means he wants you back. All it means is that, although he's useless, he's not actively aggressive and obstructive. Better than nothing, but you should expect much better.

Namechange4448830938489 · 02/01/2024 20:07

Ca90rla · 02/01/2024 16:09

I'm not acting like a teenager. He was claiming he had depression and needed time and space he was still seeing me and the baby for 4 months after he wanted time and space he has never ended the relationship. We didn't speak for so long then he messages for me to go round to see his child.
I am not a passive person im trying to do what is best for my child but I'm also confused why he would still want me around and why he can't just straight tell me that we are fully over or whether he has had enough time

You think he has never ended the relationship?

Original poster
Ca90rla · 02/01/2024 20:08

Hi okay thanks for your advice.
I sent the money back anyway as I didn't fall for it.
I took the baby to see him because im trying do what's best for my child I want her to know and to see her dad.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ca90rla · 02/01/2024 20:10

I meant he has never said we were over. I've just presumed we are because of the way he has been

OP posts:
Namechange4448830938489 · 02/01/2024 20:10

I never understand why women say this. It's like the JK show - they want the child to know their father ? What ? A shit guy that has walked out on them and their mother . Just what exactly is there to gain from knowing a prick like this?

Namechange4448830938489 · 02/01/2024 20:11

Ca90rla · 02/01/2024 20:10

I meant he has never said we were over. I've just presumed we are because of the way he has been

and you have never actively made a decision about this ? Why not? Are you happy to be treated like this? Have some self respect.

Original poster
Ca90rla · 02/01/2024 20:12

I know what your saying and I get it.
I cant fault him as a father he is a good dad he also has 2 other children that he sees and is really good with them. When I was with him he was a really good dad and he loves his kids.

OP posts:
Namechange4448830938489 · 02/01/2024 20:13

Has he paid you maintenance all this time?

Original poster
Ca90rla · 02/01/2024 20:14

Well yes and that's why I stopped seeing him and didn't contact him unless it was about our child and that is still the same now. I only went to his house last week because that's what I thought was best for my child to see her father

OP posts:
Whiskerson · 02/01/2024 20:14

Ca90rla · 02/01/2024 20:08

Hi okay thanks for your advice.
I sent the money back anyway as I didn't fall for it.
I took the baby to see him because im trying do what's best for my child I want her to know and to see her dad.

Keep the money next time! He gives you £50/month - that's so little. You're not "falling for" anything - just accept it as your due, for bringing up his child. Be glad that for one day of the year, he does more than the bare minimum.

Namechange4448830938489 · 02/01/2024 20:14

Do you want to be in a relationship with him again?

Original poster
Ca90rla · 02/01/2024 20:15

Yes he has every month.
He also got her something for Christmas

OP posts:
Chichimcgee · 02/01/2024 20:15

he’s a good dad just abandoned his family and ignored his baby for 5 weeks…

Original poster
Ca90rla · 02/01/2024 20:16

I know but I dont want anything from him honestly all I've said to him is I just want him to see his child and actually make a bind with her and have agood relationship

OP posts:
Justanything86 · 02/01/2024 20:16

Namechange4448830938489 · 02/01/2024 20:10

I never understand why women say this. It's like the JK show - they want the child to know their father ? What ? A shit guy that has walked out on them and their mother . Just what exactly is there to gain from knowing a prick like this?

Edited

Whilst I agree he's shit, I don't know my father and that's its own kind of trauma. At least the child can never say 'you kept my dad from me' to her and will have a more realistic idea of who he is.

Original poster
Ca90rla · 02/01/2024 20:17

Yes people with depression can go through times where they don't want to be around people etc. I don't know whats going on with him but it's not his usual behaviour

OP posts:
Catoo · 02/01/2024 20:18

This thread is making me so sad OP.

He gradually faded you out of his life and you didn’t seem to notice. Now he thinks you have got the message he’s trying to see his DD a little bit. But not as much as his other DC. And only if you bring her to him.

He only sends £50 a month and you send back his ‘birthday’ money that could have bought DD something with.

I hope you have some good friends and family who treat you and DD well.
💐

GreigeO · 02/01/2024 20:18

I see no evidence that he wants to get back with you, and I’m not sure why you would think he does?

Original poster
Ca90rla · 02/01/2024 20:18

Exactly. I just want her to know who he is and able to have a bind and relationship with him

OP posts:
Original poster
Ca90rla · 02/01/2024 20:20

Yes I have a very good support group and my child has everything she needs I dont actually need any of his money I'd rather him see his child then just give me money

OP posts:
Chichimcgee · 02/01/2024 20:20

Having depression doesn’t mean you get to walk out on your baby ffs there are so many parents on here struggling with mental health and you know what they do? Get up, parent, do their best for their kids. Not walk out and ignore them for 5 weeks

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