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Original poster

Is my ex still interested

100 replies

Ca90rla · 02/01/2024 14:07

Hi im wondering of anyone has experienced anything similar to this and if you have any advice for me.
My ex lost his nan at the beginning of the year and a month later told me he needed space and time obviously there was alot of questions and things said then 4 months later we kind of just stopped contacting each other. We only spoke when it concerned our daughter who is 1.
He didn't see her for a while and she become really uncomfortable when she saw him and she now needs to get used to him again.
In November after jot speaking for a long time he randomly sent me money for my birthday and I sent it back with no contact. Then recently he asked me of I could take our daughter to see him and stay with her until she settled then me to leave which I did. When there he was telling his private life like bills etc and about his other children.
2 days later he messaged to see if I was able to take my daughter again but not to leave her and then not heard from him since.

Do you think he's still interested?? Or does anyone understand his logic ??

OP posts:
Justanything86 · 02/01/2024 20:20

Most people with depression don't just leave their partner and infant child though op. What if you as a mother decided things were too hard and just didn't bother with your child.

He's using that as an excuse to opt out. Most people know they can't just opt in and out of their relationships at will and if they are remotely important to them they will seek help instead.

Namechange4448830938489 · 02/01/2024 20:21

Do you want to get back with him @Ca90rla ?

Original poster
Ca90rla · 02/01/2024 20:21

I dont know maybe it's just me but I would never want any of my exes to come to my house whether we had a child or not and if I'd moved on I defo would not send them money for their birthday I just find the behaviour really strange after not having any contact for a long time then randomly send me birthday money

OP posts:
TheMixedGirl · 02/01/2024 20:23

Ask him. Just be straight. He is the only one who can give you the answers

Original poster
Ca90rla · 02/01/2024 20:23

Yes true and I also understand that too I told him he was selfish etc.
I just now want him to have a relationship with his child and I've made that clear to him.
But the strange behaviour like sending me money for my birthday after not speaking for a long time baffles me

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 02/01/2024 20:23

sorry to say but he sounds like he’s all over the place.
It’s a shame he didn’t see his dd for 5 weeks as that’s a very long time for a baby and they can quickly become unsure of people.
To me, it reads as if he wants you to stay and help with her whilst she visits him. I wouldn’t assume it’s to do with wanting to get back together with you.
I would keep contact with him for your dd and maybe discuss a more formal arrangement of how often he sees her and for how long.
If you’re interested in getting back together with him then I’d think carefully and see how it progresses with him spending more time with your dd.
If you’re not Interested then I would keep it polite for the sake of your child and if he mentions it then say you’re not keen for a romantic relationship based on how it all ended last time.

Original poster
Ca90rla · 02/01/2024 20:24

If you asked me 4 months ago the answer would of been yes.
Now im not so sure because I've had time to just ve on my own and I'd rather just ve on my own for while and just be there for myself and my child

OP posts:
Original poster
Ca90rla · 02/01/2024 20:26

Thats whay i thought and Yes that is exactly what I'm doing. I just posted this because I thought the sending money part for my birthday was a bit strange after we hadn't spoken for a long time.

OP posts:
Namechange4448830938489 · 02/01/2024 20:26

I do hope that you are seeing sense with him @Ca90rla and that you don't have a brief reunion and there you are pregnant again. A man like this is not a support - he is a drain on your mental resources.

Original poster
Ca90rla · 02/01/2024 20:28

I am not that stupid I haven't slept with him since we were together in May. I was still seeing 4 months after this and never slept with him. I'm not that sort of person like I said I just want him to hace a relationship with my daughter

OP posts:
Original poster
Ca90rla · 02/01/2024 20:31

Also I've told him she needs consistency and a plan need to be put into place for her but he doesn't seem to engage with this the only other route is to go through court

OP posts:
Namechange4448830938489 · 02/01/2024 20:32

You would force your child to see a man who doesn't want to?

Original poster
Ca90rla · 02/01/2024 20:34

No I wouldnt he contacts me to see her im not going to say no. He does want to see her but when it suits him

OP posts:
Chichimcgee · 02/01/2024 20:34

He doesn’t engage with it despite being a really good dad

Chichimcgee · 02/01/2024 20:36

Ca90rla · 02/01/2024 20:34

No I wouldnt he contacts me to see her im not going to say no. He does want to see her but when it suits him

This is because he’s a shit dad who walked out on you and your baby and knows you’re delusional and think he’s a good dad because he throws some pennies your way. You need to recognise that he’s not a good dad, he didn’t even respect you enough to end it properly and the only reason he won’t engage with consistency is because he wants to be control and knows he has you so fooled.

Original poster
Ca90rla · 02/01/2024 20:37

He is a good dad.
He doesnt engage in it because he knows I know he can't commit to set days etc due to him working 2 jobs that have weird shift patterns etc

OP posts:
Chichimcgee · 02/01/2024 20:38

I feel like you’re about 17 and one day you’ll realise he is taking you and your child for absolute mugs.

Original poster
Ca90rla · 02/01/2024 20:39

Excuse me. I am not delusional you don't know me and you don't know him. You don't know what kind of father he is etc so please if you have nothing constructive to say please don't reply.
He gives me 50 pound a month its not alot and I never asked for that can I make clear he just sends it. I dont need his money

OP posts:
Original poster
Ca90rla · 02/01/2024 20:39

Okay well your feelings are wrong

OP posts:
Namechange4448830938489 · 02/01/2024 20:41

You constantly make excuses for him.

You know for some people any kind of contact with a man is "good" even if it is toxic. I think you are in this situation.

You really want to know - is he still interested in me? From what you say no. He isn't. He is just messing you about. Sorry.

Original poster
Ca90rla · 02/01/2024 20:44

Ok thanks.
It's not that I'm making excuses. I actually know him as a person and noone on here does. I dont mind people's advice and opinions thats fine.
Yes I dont like the way he went about things. But when he os with our child he's really good and he feels awful that she gets upset which yes is all his fault I totally get that.
I worked with children in care who didn't get to see their parents etc and I also know people that just don't bother woth their children.
My ex does want a relationship with his daughter as he asks me to see her and I'm.not going to stop that and if that means I have to sit with him until she is okay with him thats what I will do.
All I wanted to know is why would he send me birthday money etc

OP posts:
Namechange4448830938489 · 02/01/2024 20:47

He's sending you money because of possibly feeling guilty and as someone else said softening you up after several months of no contact. I will leave you to it - all the best!

Original poster
Ca90rla · 02/01/2024 20:48

I know and that's fine I just wanted to know lol and now I do. I just wanted to get some clarification and other people's views on it because for me I wouldn't do that personally

OP posts:
Whiskerson · 02/01/2024 20:56

Ca90rla · 02/01/2024 20:48

I know and that's fine I just wanted to know lol and now I do. I just wanted to get some clarification and other people's views on it because for me I wouldn't do that personally

You wouldn't send money to an ex-boyfriend on his birthday, of course not.

You might possibly be inclined to send money to the resident parent of your infant child.

Original poster
Ca90rla · 02/01/2024 20:59

No I actually wouldn't lol.
If he was to send me money for the baby he usually messages like at Christmas he asked what she needed etc and he sends the 50 each month for nappies etc.
On my birthday he put it in my bank with the reference happy birthday but sent no text or anything. This is why I think it's weird. If he said I put some money in for the baby I would of taken it but he referenced it as happy birthday so it was for me.

OP posts: