Hi all, hope you had a lovely Christmas. To cut an incredibly long story short - my husband and I moved from a very healthy, frequent sex life to very rarely having sex, about a year and a half ago. It gradually reduced over the last few years. We communicated well (or what I thought was well) throughout this time and I was conscious of the fact that I’d just had a baby and my body had changed. I’ve consistently asked him over the last few years if the change in intimacy was due to him no longer finding my body attractive. He would say it was done to ED and lack of libido. My instinct would tell me otherwise and I’d feel bad about myself. I’m aware that I’ve comfort eaten because of this, so I’ve put on weight. That I hold my hands up to and I am doing something about that, for myself as well as my relationship.
More recently, he’s been going out often with friends and hasn’t been affectionate or attentive/compassion like he usually is. It’s been at its worst over Christmas. Fast forward to yesterday when I begged him to communicate with me openly and honestly because I could sense something was wrong. He finally told me that he hadn’t found me attractive for years (since I had our son) and said he’s unable to go there with me intimately because of it. He said he’s aware that our relationship is in trouble and on the road to ending. This was a huge shock after years of telling me that he felt secure and happy with me and our relationship. It floored me. I’m glad that he’s been honest and I’m not looking to bash him for the honesty that I’ve been asking for. The floored bit is more the fact that I feel mortified that for years I’ve been thinking that we’re in love and he suffers with ED, whereas for years he’s said that he’s hoped I’d look like I did when we first dated.
I take full responsibility of the part that I’ve had to play in this, so I hold my hands up and it’s my own fault. I’m just wondering if there’s anyone else here who has been through similar and has found that their relationship has been able to recover after this? I feel as though he’s checked out. His whole character and respect of me has changed overnight.
I know that it isn’t another woman or cheating. He is a good man and I know he wouldn’t do that to me. I trust him about that. I’m just wondering whether even if I go back to my original size, would I ever feel comfortable to be intimate again or would I just wonder if he’s hating what he sees and not being honest again.