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Original poster

To wonder why he isn't free until mid Jan?

59 replies

Celia24 · 30/12/2023 21:24

I've been seeing a lawyer for over 2 months. His workload is always fairly insane but he always makes time for me since meeting.

He's from another European country and has been away for the holidays. He's kept in touch every day by message and phone and are exclusive.

However, he just said tonight that he gets back in the first weekend of Jan and then 'I'll be free to meet from the 15th'. I assume this is due to work commitments but I've been so excited to see him I can't help feeling disappointment as that's half the month gone?

Especially as we talk every day it's making me want to pull back a bit. Am I being silly given it's early days?

OP posts:
Original poster
Celia24 · 30/12/2023 21:25

I mean to post this in AIBU hence the title! Oh well

OP posts:
VioletPickles · 30/12/2023 21:26

ask him why the 15th? I wouldn’t assume.

Original poster
Celia24 · 30/12/2023 21:34

Suppose I could @VioletPickles but given he'll have been back in the country for over a week by then, I can't think of another reason.

Don't want to grill him on his plans but I want to have a date planned. The calls and messages were just a way of keeping in touch until we were together again.

OP posts:
PaminaMozart · 30/12/2023 21:37

If his field is conveyancing or divorce, lots of work will have piled up over the holidays.

Olika · 30/12/2023 21:40

If he is busy with work on regular basis or gets these periods where he is extra busy then are you happy for that kind of relationship along the line?

Original poster
Celia24 · 30/12/2023 21:43

I'm not sure yet @Olika

I've been going through a quiet period myself. But from Feb I will also get really busy with my work so it could be ok.

It's important to me that we are both on the same page in terms of building a relationship. It's only been 2 months so it's still early days and important to be having dates quite regularly (in my opinion).

OP posts:
LaviniaLee · 30/12/2023 21:50

When do you meet in mid Jan, you could probe about why he was so busy?

Original poster
Celia24 · 30/12/2023 21:58

Yes @LaviniaLee ...

Maybe that's a good time to broach it. For me it'll be figuring out if this is the norm or if he has busy periods then quiet periods where we will have more time together. I want to be with someone I'm spending quality time with after all.

OP posts:
AreYouThereDog · 30/12/2023 21:59

Maybe his wife has made plans for them?

Olika · 30/12/2023 22:02

Personally I would meet him mid January (if you still feel like it) and see how things go. I would have an overall chat with him about how he uses his time, how he sees him being able to accommodate a partner with his busy work etc lifestyle kind of questions. This will tell you if your lives are compatible and if it could work out from that point of view.

Highlyflavouredgravy · 30/12/2023 22:03

AreYouThereDog · 30/12/2023 21:59

Maybe his wife has made plans for them?

This!

Missingmybabysomuch · 30/12/2023 22:06

To be fair, the first weekend in Jan is the 6th/7th so if he isn't back until then, is working mon- Fri and has pre-arranged plans the 13th/14th then it doesn't seem totally unreasonable that he isn't free until 15th?

AreYouThereDog · 30/12/2023 22:09

On your other thread about this dude, he’s a lecturer.

Which is it?

Original poster
Celia24 · 30/12/2023 22:14

I suppose that's true @Missingmybabysomuch - Jan is a weird month after all.

He's a trained lawyer and a legal academic @AreYouThereDog - I forgot there's always some smart arse jumping in to try and catch you out. I mean, why?

The crux of it is he's very busy. And I think not just being available whenever he's free and having my own boundaries early on will be important.

OP posts:
ConstitutionHill · 30/12/2023 22:16

PaminaMozart · 30/12/2023 21:37

If his field is conveyancing or divorce, lots of work will have piled up over the holidays.

Especially divorce. Jan is the busiest time.

AreYouThereDog · 30/12/2023 22:17

Celia24 · 30/12/2023 22:14

I suppose that's true @Missingmybabysomuch - Jan is a weird month after all.

He's a trained lawyer and a legal academic @AreYouThereDog - I forgot there's always some smart arse jumping in to try and catch you out. I mean, why?

The crux of it is he's very busy. And I think not just being available whenever he's free and having my own boundaries early on will be important.

I’m not trying to catch you out, I’m just trying to understand the situation before spending any more of my time on this.

Anyway, I’ll bow out but my original thought remains- he’s married.

Best of luck.

Doublerainbow23 · 30/12/2023 22:21

He's either a lawyer (as in practising) or an academic, big difference.

Either way, if DH had been too busy to see me for 2 weeks when we'd only been together 2 months and he'd just been away for Christmas, I'd have assumed he wasn't as keen as I'd thought! I get that work can be busy, but really, not one spare evening?

Sad0tter · 30/12/2023 22:24

You’re already devoting so much headspace to a man you’ve only just started seeing.

If he wants to see you he’ll make it clear. Focus on your own life in the meantime. He’s clearly doing the same.

AlwaysForksAndMarbles · 30/12/2023 22:26

From the outside it looks to me as though you’re his convenient UK girlfriend, but he’s been home to his wife and family for Christmas and New Year. You should be alive to that possibility - it happens depressingly often.

Original poster
Celia24 · 30/12/2023 22:34

A few people have said he's married. He told me he is divorced. He said he's been divorced for 2 years from his childhood sweetheart and that they grew apart.

Bear in mind: he's either called or text me every day since he went away. I highly doubt he'd be doing this if with his wife? In any case I believe him and my instincts were that he was being honest about this. I can remain alive to the possibility but it's not like I can demand to see divorce papers.

But as @Doublerainbow23 has pointed out, he was so keen and chasing pre-Christmas I am left wondering if I'm now the more keen one if he can wait 2 weeks to meet. It makes me want to step right back.

OP posts:
Original poster
Celia24 · 30/12/2023 22:37

Also remember I was friends with him for over a year before dating and see all his social media etc. No reason to believe he's still married on that basis either.

OP posts:
Tamsyn143 · 30/12/2023 22:38

I'm a lawyer - but in the UK. The first week back in January is always absolute hell for me as court deadlines build up over the holiday period. Just ask him, I'm sure it'll be the same as the courts close for Christmas x

Doublerainbow23 · 30/12/2023 22:52

I'd protect yourself OP, emotionally I mean, try and take a step back. Keep yourself busy and see how things are when you see him mid January. If he's genuinely just busy I think you feel if that's been true or not and take it from there. Best of luck.

SideshowAuntSallyx · 30/12/2023 23:02

He gets back w/e of 6th January if its the first weekend, it's only a week until the 15th. He probably has a lot to do in that first week.

Mantling · 30/12/2023 23:10

Well, if he’s an academic, he’ll be prepping lectures for term, possibly marking semester one assignments, catching up on admin, doing research etc. My marking return deadline is Jan 15th, when term starts.