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Original poster

To wonder why he isn't free until mid Jan?

59 replies

Celia24 · 30/12/2023 21:24

I've been seeing a lawyer for over 2 months. His workload is always fairly insane but he always makes time for me since meeting.

He's from another European country and has been away for the holidays. He's kept in touch every day by message and phone and are exclusive.

However, he just said tonight that he gets back in the first weekend of Jan and then 'I'll be free to meet from the 15th'. I assume this is due to work commitments but I've been so excited to see him I can't help feeling disappointment as that's half the month gone?

Especially as we talk every day it's making me want to pull back a bit. Am I being silly given it's early days?

OP posts:
toomanyleggings · 30/12/2023 23:13

Nah for whatever reason he’s not that interested. Men can’t wait when they’re into you

Original poster
Celia24 · 30/12/2023 23:21

@Mantling this would make sense actually.

Just looked up the uni he works at and the term restarts the same day he said he's free to meet. He probably has a lot to do before then.

OP posts:
Mantling · 30/12/2023 23:40

toomanyleggings · 30/12/2023 23:13

Nah for whatever reason he’s not that interested. Men can’t wait when they’re into you

Well, if the man of my dreams was offering himself to me on a platter, I would absolutely not have time to see him before January 15th, as I have significant deadlines and marking was hampered by illness before Christmas.

shivermetimbers77 · 30/12/2023 23:54

I think it’s positive that he has been contacting you every day and is saying he will be free after 15th: he obviously wants To see you . If he was messing you around he would me much more vague and non-committal. It sounds to me like he is just genuinely going to be very busy. But it’s up to you whether you are ok with that or not..

Moonshine5 · 31/12/2023 00:08

Maybe you should take a leaf out of his book and book dinner activities for yourself.
IME when people are into you they find time (everyone is busy) but I accept the fact he might be different.

Moonshine5 · 31/12/2023 00:09

Dinner lol that is supposed to saysome

UsingChangeofName · 31/12/2023 00:18

Olika · 30/12/2023 22:02

Personally I would meet him mid January (if you still feel like it) and see how things go. I would have an overall chat with him about how he uses his time, how he sees him being able to accommodate a partner with his busy work etc lifestyle kind of questions. This will tell you if your lives are compatible and if it could work out from that point of view.

This.

It sounds very feasible to me that work will be manic if he's had a couple of weeks off, over Christmas. Potentially he has one or more other things that were in his diary long before you started seeing one another too.

TheCatterall · 31/12/2023 00:26

I’m back at my desk on the 8th. I’m making zero social arrangements that week so I can get caught up and it will wipe me out.

I’m also not meeting anyone outside immediate family the 4 days before so I can get back into work mindset and get stuff ready for that first week back and a rather full pile of work.

I think quite a few folks in demanding jobs will be a little frazzled the first week they are back at work and getting ready for it?

Cararara · 31/12/2023 00:57

I am a lawyer. He is probably telling the truth. To see my partner I leave work early, spend time with them and then work after they fall asleep.

Catlord · 31/12/2023 00:58

Try and pull it back re your feelings. He's probably very busy etc but if you've posted twice about a 2 month relationship with a man who isn't making much effort even to see you for a late drink after being apart then you risk being hurt if he decides he's less into this than you are. He hasn't even explained why he's not available until mid Jan.

Sorry but please remember that new relationships with promise ending are the worst if you've let yourself get carried away. Not saying this to be mean, just remember your value and stop over investing in something so new where you don't feel proportionately secure and clear on where you stand.

By all means breezily ask 'busy week back then?' so you know what's happening, but draw up your walls a bit here and be a bit less available on the phone. Not saying it won't work out but you want to see some keenness when he's back, not just you being remote company.

Original poster
Celia24 · 31/12/2023 01:32

Good advice @Catlord

The last time he went on a trip in month one he wanted to see me coming back from the airport. He set his own bar high!

The good news is I'm not hear over heels yet but I do like him a lot. So I'm approaching it in a measured way. I will step back on the phone but just explain I'm looking forward to seeing him for in person conversation instead.

OP posts:
GodspeedJune · 31/12/2023 01:39

I was going to say similar to catlord definitely ease off on the daily texts/ calls. That’s a lot of time invested in someone you’re just getting to know. It also gives a false sense of intimacy when you’ve only known him such a short period.

Maybe be open to meeting him in mid Jan but keep busy with your own life and perhaps some other dates in the meantime.

Tumilnaughts · 31/12/2023 01:42

First weekend of Jan is the 6/7th so presumably he needs to get himself sorted after being away and then back to work for a few days before he's free to see you.

LuluBlakey1 · 31/12/2023 02:02

Celia24 · 30/12/2023 23:21

@Mantling this would make sense actually.

Just looked up the uni he works at and the term restarts the same day he said he's free to meet. He probably has a lot to do before then.

Hard to believe he hasn't got the time for a coffee or lunch or a drink. He's not sounding like he's that keen to see you.

When DH and I were first seeing each other, he had to go to London for a week. When he came back up here he drove straight to my house after 11pm before he even went back to his flat, just to give me a big bear hug and kiss and tell me he'd really missed me- even though we were meeting the next day for lunch and a drink. He never even took his jacket or scarf off- just hugged me, held me tight, kissed me and said 'I just had to see you, I missed you so much'. He was only there 5 minutes. We weren't sleeping together then-too soon. There's something about someone really wanting you. I still remember shutting the front door after he left and feeling so excited.

Original poster
Celia24 · 31/12/2023 02:13

Yes @LuluBlakey1 I felt this was what he was like before Christmas. He was so keen he wanted to meet after getting off a flight. I felt extremely wanted.

And we've kept in touch every day since. So I was surprised when he said mid-Jan. I just assumed he'd be excited to meet up.

I get his busy schedule. I know it will be full on. But I think I need to take a step back until we see each other again. I am looking for a certain level of passion and keenness for sure.

OP posts:
LuluBlakey1 · 31/12/2023 02:18

Celia24 · 31/12/2023 02:13

Yes @LuluBlakey1 I felt this was what he was like before Christmas. He was so keen he wanted to meet after getting off a flight. I felt extremely wanted.

And we've kept in touch every day since. So I was surprised when he said mid-Jan. I just assumed he'd be excited to meet up.

I get his busy schedule. I know it will be full on. But I think I need to take a step back until we see each other again. I am looking for a certain level of passion and keenness for sure.

Well I hope that's what you get. Even if he'd bothered to explain why it's another week after he gets back that would have been something. 'I'm really looking forward to seeing you but I've got a pile of work to clear so my first free time'll be 15th.'

Guavafish1 · 31/12/2023 02:27

hmm

it seem strange, even if he is very busy, not to meet you even for a hello ir quick drink.

I would just ask him snd stop wondering

Original poster
Celia24 · 31/12/2023 02:29

Maybe I should simply say I assumed we'd meet up before then. I think it's reasonable enough.

OP posts:
shamebook · 31/12/2023 02:56

You're giving far too much headspace to this situation. He can't see you for one week! - different if he put you off for a month!

That said, I am firmly in the camp that people move mountains when they want to, and it appears he's way more relaxed about this 'relationship' than you are. Doesn't mean he isn't in to you, just think you need to protect yourself a little bit OP - stop obsessing and live your own life.

FiveShelties · 31/12/2023 03:06

Do you know where he lives? Have you met any of his friends?

My first and second thoughts are that he is married. When he goes back to work it will be easier for him to be away from home and meet up with you.

But I am a huge cynic.

Original poster
Celia24 · 31/12/2023 03:14

@FiveShelties his ex wife lives in France. As I said, I've no reason to disbelieve him. When I was with him, my gut feeling was he was being honest about the divorce. If he isn't, that's awful, but I'm taking him at face value for now.

Anyway, yes, I know where he lives. Not met his friends but have one mutual in common. It's only been 2 months.

OP posts:
Original poster
Celia24 · 31/12/2023 03:17

Anyway think you're right @shamebook - I'll see him mid Jan but in the meantime I'm pulling back a little.

And then judge from there what his interest is and what we're both looking for.

Thanks for the advice all!

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 31/12/2023 03:18

Regarding 'he's married' the test isn't whether or not he calls you every day. It's whether or not he picks up your calls when you call him.

Anyone can make time to call someone away from their wife for half an hour or so. But they won't pick up when they are with them. They may text you back straight away of course. Because in texting, their partner can't hear you.

It doesn't seem like it's that if you've known him a while before dating. But who knows. There's a post on here every other week from a woman who's partner never mentions them on social media and goes out to things they are never invited to at all hours of the day and night with 'friends' she never meets.

NaughtybutNice77 · 31/12/2023 03:39

I would imagine he has a lot of work on but also that he wants some time to himself. Although he's not been at work he may have not had time to relax and unwind. He might have a sight seeing trip in mind or he might simply not want to see you unless he can give you his full attention.
It's seems a reasonable Q to say Mid January? Oh I thought I'd see you sooner. Why the delay?
He may give you a brief answer or go into minute detail. You know him.
So let's say he's telling the truth...do you want to be with someone who works away and has such commitments? It's about compatability. I'd wouldn't date a soldier, Police officer, vet, Dr, actor, sportsman etc for these very reasons. As well as not seeing each other I think I'd resent being 'summoned' for mid Jan. I'd be likely to say, oh OK, I'll let you know when I'm free after that and we can make arrangements to meet up...

madeleine85 · 31/12/2023 04:01

Married to a lawyer, and several years have taught me that sometimes work piles up, sometimes they’ll have an arbitration or trial, or work travel and were we not living together, it could be tough to see one another in one of those periods. Two weeks is long. Just ask him “Ah, I was hoping to see you sooner. What’s going on, hope work isn’t too crazy.” If he’s into you, he will tell you.

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