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Original poster

Don't know where to put this

53 replies

PostingAnonymously2 · 29/12/2023 17:22

Not sure where to put this as I am not in a relationship right now.
I am seeing a guy, we’ve been on 4 dates and I’m meant to be seeing him after the new year next week.
I met him off Bumble and we slept together on our last date.
I’ve found out I’m pregnant and really don’t know how to tell him. I’m starting to panic a bit and heart keeps racing every time I think about it.
He did mention wanting to have more kids on our last date, but obviously this was something that’s meant to happen later down the line.
I know I need to prepare myself mentally for the type of reaction he might have, but I honestly don’t know how to tell him.

OP posts:
category12 · 29/12/2023 17:29

Do you want to continue the pregnancy?

I'd decide that bit before you involve him.

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/12/2023 17:30

Did he use a condom?

Gazelda · 29/12/2023 17:33

How pregnant are you?

Do you want to keep the baby?

Have you been speaking on the phone between dates?

Make sure your next date is in a public place. Maybe lunch.

Once you've sat down, ordered a drink, the. I think you need to just say it as soon as possible. Tell him how you're feeling about it so he knows what's on the table. ie if you've decided on termination, or you're determined to go ahead with the pregnancy, or if you're undecided etc.

Have a means of getting home safely if he doesn't take it well. I think you should keep this to a lunch date (or whatever) rather than falling into bed because that could get emotionally messy too soon.

Jennyjojo5 · 29/12/2023 17:40

I think just focus on what you feel about it at the moment… it’s your decision ultimately

I kept a baby after I slept with someone I just started seeing (my son is now 22). The father has been absent all these years but I made life work for me. My son is now in his 3rd year of uni and doing well and is a good kid.

if you want to keep the baby, keep it. But just be aware the father may not be overjoyed and may not stick around. But it’s still your decision.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 29/12/2023 17:52

Try and stay calm and think through your options - likely scenario isn't marriage and happy families so work out how you'll feel/cope as a single mother and go from there.

You probably don't have a clue if you'd want to be with him long term either so you're in the exact same scenario as each other, just that you already know you're pregnant!

remember that just because conception occurred inside your body, you were both equally responsible for it, so don't feel in any way bad, this is something that has happened to both of you.

EmptyYoghurtPot · 29/12/2023 17:57

When did you sleep with him? I’m guessing it was fairly recently so what made you do a test? Symptoms? Has there been any one else that you have slept with? Not trying to be unkind but just thinking of the questions he might ask. I’m guessing g this is going to completely blindside him.

fairymary87 · 29/12/2023 18:13

Figure out what you wanna do then tell him c

SilverSunlight · 29/12/2023 18:16

Agree with most of the other comments, would 100% decide what you want to do first and be prepared to do it alone - although I pray it doesn’t come to this for you. Hope it goes as well as it can

Original poster
PostingAnonymously2 · 29/12/2023 18:24

@Gazelda That's exactly what I'm going to do.

The issue is I really don't know how to feel about it, I kind of still feel a bit surprised so it's not sunk in yet. The plan was to tell him next week but I honestly don't know what to do about it after that.

I think it's still pretty early but I can't remember exactly when last period was as it wasn't something I was keeping an eye on. We have been talking on the phone too.

@AnneLovesGilbert This sounds terrible but no he didn't. We're not exactly young so didn't think a one off would do anything. Also I don't keep track of the cycle.

@EmptyYoghurtPot There's no possibility of it being anyone else's. The last guy I slept with was my ex and that was back in July. Missed my period which I don't know exactly when it's due but it would have been within the last week and a half.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 29/12/2023 19:56

Do you have children?

Original poster
PostingAnonymously2 · 29/12/2023 20:02

@Aquamarine1029 I don't. He has 1 with his ex.

OP posts:
EmptyYoghurtPot · 30/12/2023 07:09

You said he told you he wanted more children and then he chose to have sex without a condom so maybe that what he wanted. You say you are not exactly young but unless you are in your 50/60s then you must have known it was a possibility.

kayla12345 · 30/12/2023 07:14

Have you done a pregnancy test? When did you last see this guy?

hashbrownsandwich · 30/12/2023 07:55

Is the pregnancy confirmed by a test? It's very early days.

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 30/12/2023 08:22

You didn’t think a one off would do anything?? You took a massive risk on pregnancy not to mention STIs.

You are both equally responsible for this pregnancy but of course the impact on you is much greater. As others have said, decide what you want first and if you want to continue, tell
him asap.

MMadness · 30/12/2023 10:42

How irresponsible are you both that you'd have unprotected sex?

Honestly.

Did you do it deliberately wanting a baby?

Did he?

How in any way shape or form can either of you justify an accidental pregnancy?

The baby, if there is one, is going to be the one to suffer.

LaurieStrode · 30/12/2023 11:09

Is this really what you would want for your offspring? To be sired by little more than a passing stranger who already has a child out there?

BrimfulOfMash · 30/12/2023 11:19

Oh goodness. Hand hold.

You need to decide whether you want to continue the pregnancy by yourself and on your terms.

His opinion is not relevant at this point. If he is enthusiastic you have no way of knowing if this can be relied on: whether your relationship will last, whether he would turn out to be a controlling nightmare making life difficult for 18 years, whether he would turn tail and disappear leaving not a penny of support in his wake. Yes, he could turn out to be both enthusiastic and long term supportive, but you can’t afford to make your decision based on his reaction.

If you have decided, categorically, to have this baby come what may, then just tell him calmly and matter of factly.

If you think you do not want to be a single parent, or this is not the right time, or any other reason that you just don’t want to be pregnant now, then make your arrangements, and explain to him.

Latewinter · 30/12/2023 11:50

MMadness · 30/12/2023 10:42

How irresponsible are you both that you'd have unprotected sex?

Honestly.

Did you do it deliberately wanting a baby?

Did he?

How in any way shape or form can either of you justify an accidental pregnancy?

The baby, if there is one, is going to be the one to suffer.

She doesn't need to justify it.

You don't seem to be trying to help the OP, who is facing a difficult decision. Maybe another thread would be more appropriate for judging people?

SleepingStandingUp · 30/12/2023 11:58

So how long has it been since you saw him last of you conceived the last time you saw him and know you're pregnant? The fact you've not seen him for something like three weeks and sent seeing him for another week, I'd prepare yourself for him not actually meeting up again op.

Do you want this pregnancy?

Eyesopenwideawake · 30/12/2023 12:05

@MMadness The baby, if there is one, is going to be the one to suffer.

What a load of bollocks.

OrlandointheWilderness · 30/12/2023 12:48

I got pregnant with a guy I'd only just been seeing a couple of weeks. I kept the baby and never saw him again. She is a thriving, intelligent and happy 12 year old now who has brilliant relationships with my DB, DF and DGF who are fab male role models. It's worked for us.
Good luck OP

AuContraire · 30/12/2023 12:56

You need to decide whether you're happy to be a single mother, or a single mother with the child's father being difficult/nightmare/deadbeat, as those are the most likely outcomes.

If not, and you choose to terminate, then don't tell him. There is absolutely no point.

If you are certain you want to keep ot, then tell him.

Wooloohooloo · 30/12/2023 13:07

You need to first figure out if you want to keep the baby and can you cope without any input (financial or other) from him. I got pregnant at 25 from a one night stand. DS is now almost 18 and a lovely young man- hard working, settled and polite. His dad hasn't seen him since he was a baby. There is a long back story (not for here) but it's not impossible to do it alone but I had always wanted children and was sure I'd keep him straight away with or without his dad's involvement. If you're not 100% sure, it'd probably be best to terminate.

Original poster
PostingAnonymously2 · 31/12/2023 18:01

Thank you to most of you that didn't judge. I didn't post this thread for that, just advice.
I hope some of you don't judge or talk to people in real life the way you type on here.

Pregnancy has been confirmed by multiple tests, so yes definitely pregnant.

I've got a big feeling he's not going to have the best reaction, so likely won't be telling him coming week.

OP posts: