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Original poster

Don't know where to put this

53 replies

PostingAnonymously2 · 29/12/2023 17:22

Not sure where to put this as I am not in a relationship right now.
I am seeing a guy, we’ve been on 4 dates and I’m meant to be seeing him after the new year next week.
I met him off Bumble and we slept together on our last date.
I’ve found out I’m pregnant and really don’t know how to tell him. I’m starting to panic a bit and heart keeps racing every time I think about it.
He did mention wanting to have more kids on our last date, but obviously this was something that’s meant to happen later down the line.
I know I need to prepare myself mentally for the type of reaction he might have, but I honestly don’t know how to tell him.

OP posts:
category12 · 31/12/2023 18:07

Have you decided what you're going to do?

ChanelNo19EDT · 31/12/2023 18:08

Scary. Say no to him on some minor issue before you tell him you're pregnant. Wow. Inconvenience him in some way. Ask him to go out of his way in some small way. I wouldnt be telling him before you gave more of a clue who he is.

LaurieStrode · 31/12/2023 18:11

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
PostingAnonymously2 · 31/12/2023 18:12

@ChanelNo19EDT What do you mean?

@category12 I just really don't want to be a single mum as bad as that sounds. I don't think I could do it. I've booked a scan to find out how far along I am because I don't have a clue.

OP posts:
category12 · 31/12/2023 18:19

PostingAnonymously2 · 31/12/2023 18:12

@ChanelNo19EDT What do you mean?

@category12 I just really don't want to be a single mum as bad as that sounds. I don't think I could do it. I've booked a scan to find out how far along I am because I don't have a clue.

It's not bad - it's a hard thing on your own. 💐

Dotcheck · 31/12/2023 18:22

It sounds like you have decided you want to continue with the pregnancy?

ChanelNo19EDT · 31/12/2023 18:22

I mean don't merge lives with a man you know nothing about.
If you tell him, he could insist on being on the birth cert. He could have a lot of control. Do you know anything about him? Is he right wing left wing hardworking, generous lazy, tight, atheist Jewish Christian spiritual guru, fond of weed, or worse? Any debts, any convictions, predilections, why does his x believe the relationship ended

I'd be trying to get the answers to these questions before I risked bring him into my life.

I'm not judging. Learn from my mistake.

ChanelNo19EDT · 31/12/2023 18:24

I raised two kids on my own because their father was so controlling, mean and verbally abusive. He acted normal to begin with.

Original poster
PostingAnonymously2 · 31/12/2023 18:35

I think I know the basic stuff, no alcohol or drug use, non smoker, non religious, married once before 1 child, no issues with ex. We haven't delved into politics yet, but im not very political myself. financially were both comfortable I think.

I wish someone else could tell him. The whole thing is so awkward and uncomfortable.

OP posts:
IronNeonClasp · 31/12/2023 18:43

💐 for you OP. What a challenging situation for you going into the new year.

Would suggest getting all checks done not just a scan.. Hope everything works out for you..

Coconutter24 · 31/12/2023 18:55

“This sounds terrible but no he didn't. We're not exactly young so didn't think a one off would do anything. Also I don't keep track of the cycle.”

Condoms aren’t just to avoid pregnancy.

Alchemistress · 31/12/2023 19:09

ChanelNo19EDT · 31/12/2023 18:22

I mean don't merge lives with a man you know nothing about.
If you tell him, he could insist on being on the birth cert. He could have a lot of control. Do you know anything about him? Is he right wing left wing hardworking, generous lazy, tight, atheist Jewish Christian spiritual guru, fond of weed, or worse? Any debts, any convictions, predilections, why does his x believe the relationship ended

I'd be trying to get the answers to these questions before I risked bring him into my life.

I'm not judging. Learn from my mistake.

This with New Years bells on. You have to make the decision based on the fact that he won't want to be in the child's life. Which is hard to hear but borne out most of the time ( just look at the million threads in here about fathers not stepping up)

If he does, it's a bonus. If the situation could somehow be reversed would you be overjoyed that he was pregnant with your child after 4 dates and expecting you to be 50% responsible for it?

NuffSaidSam · 31/12/2023 19:14

PostingAnonymously2 · 31/12/2023 18:12

@ChanelNo19EDT What do you mean?

@category12 I just really don't want to be a single mum as bad as that sounds. I don't think I could do it. I've booked a scan to find out how far along I am because I don't have a clue.

If you know when you had the sex that led to the pregnancy (i.e. your last date with him) then surely you've got a really good idea how far along you are?

Shiningout · 31/12/2023 19:25

How can you not have a clue how far along you are if you only slept with him the one time op?

BrimfulOfMash · 31/12/2023 19:30

@PostingAnonymously2 I just really don't want to be a single mum as bad as that sounds. I don't think I could do it.

It doesn’t sound bad at all.

It is wholly your choice. Your body, your choice. Your life your choice.

If your choice is that you do not want to be a single Mum, terminate this pregnancy.

Because it is way way to early in your liaison with him to rely on his reaction even if he promises to support you. You just don’t know what could happen.

In your shoes I would start seeking to terminate asap.

I would then meet him. Say ‘listen this is really awkward but our recklessness on last date resulted in me getting pg. I have no intention of going ahead with this, I am not ready to be a single parent and anything that might develop in our future dating needs to happen because we want it to, not due to accidents of obligation. But if you were to support me while I get this sorted that would be much appreciated’

Original poster
PostingAnonymously2 · 31/12/2023 19:31

@Shiningout because if you're calculating by last period I don't know when that was. I can calculate it from the date we're had sex, but my periods have always been irregular.

OP posts:
Original poster
PostingAnonymously2 · 31/12/2023 19:33

@NuffSaidSam Yes going by that I do roughly know, but reading everything online says it done by last period which I can't rely on.

OP posts:
BrimfulOfMash · 31/12/2023 19:46

You know the date you actually got pregnant. No matter when you last period was. So you know how far along.

Just concentrate on what you want to do.

Olika · 31/12/2023 20:00

You can use online calculators if you know which day you had sex (www.whattoexpect.com/due-date-calculator/) so you get a rough idea of how far along you are and your due date.

driftingdownintomiami · 31/12/2023 20:01

PostingAnonymously2 · 31/12/2023 19:31

@Shiningout because if you're calculating by last period I don't know when that was. I can calculate it from the date we're had sex, but my periods have always been irregular.

It only goes by last period on the assumption you ovulate two weeks after it started. So add two weeks to the day you had sex and that's it. Some people don't have periods for months but it doesn't mean they're any more pregnant than someone who had a period two weeks before they had sex.

DinaofCloud9 · 31/12/2023 20:05

I'd decide what I wanted to do first before I told him. It's a big decision.

TypicalCoach · 31/12/2023 20:08

Well make sure you get all his personal details etc encase does a runner and if this is what you want then congratulations

Wooloohooloo · 31/12/2023 20:12

There is absolutely nothing wrong with no wanting to be a single mum- it doesn't sound bad at all. You need to make the right decision for your future.

Wooloohooloo · 31/12/2023 20:13

@LaurieStrode your post is absolutely revolting.

EmptyYoghurtPot · 31/12/2023 20:33

Wooloohooloo · 31/12/2023 20:13

@LaurieStrode your post is absolutely revolting.

Agreed. There is a ‘baby’ - that’s the whole point of this post.
OP - I hope you get support whatever you decide to do. Suggest you know 100% before you tell him the news.