How to get over my issue with partner masturbating

[Boymama12]

Questions in the title really, I get upset when/if he masturbates, i can't even explain why.. I just know i don't want him to and it makes me feel weird, i want to be his only release. It's gotten to the extent i dont like going out as i know what he'll get up as we don't get much free time now. Lets not get into explaining how i know he has, its only happened a handful of times

Now i KNOW this is ridiculous and unreasonable, and i want to get over it i just don't know how. I had an ex who used an online service to find people for sex, he said it was just masturbating and he never met anyone. Could this be subconsciously why i have an issue? As i know there is nothing wrong with alone time and its healthy and normal and his body.

Any tips how to get over this? Talk some sense into me! But pls dont be mean

@Goodlard I didn't comment on the situation so how can I be blaming him. Please quote the blame.

Even if he is watching prom, where did I blame him?

Some people love a bun fight.

It’s good you recognise your feelings around this aren’t normal. Most likely linked to your ex’s behaviour and insecurity. You seem to view having a wank as cheating when it’s absolutely not and that’s what you need to address with a therapist.

The ones who use the curtains.

Hi @Boymama12 I'm not sure if this will help but for me, masturbation and sex scratch very different itches and having one won't satisfy the need for the other.

I've used an analogy on here before about sex being a full roast dinner with all the trimmings and masturbating being a bacon butty.

Both satisfy the same need, (hunger /horniness), but they serve different purposes. I don't want a full roast dinner for breakfast when I've got a hangover, I want a bacon butty. And if I've got a craving to have a nice roast with my partner on a lazy Sunday, then a bacon butty just isn't going to cut it.

It's the same with sex. Sex is about connection, about sharing. It takes work and effort and communication but is more rewarding because of it.

Having a wank of the other hand is just playing a slot machine you're guaranteed to win. You pull the handle a few times and you get the flashy lights and rush of endorphins.

Masturbation and sex are seperate experience that serve different purposes. Learn to seperate them in your mind and hopefully you'll not get to worked up about it.

@Bobbotgegrinch absolutely bang on explanation here.

The only sexual relationship men have for their whole lives is with themselves. I would say 99% if not all men have a wank even if they have a fulfilling sex life. I can understand that it's difficult if he's cracking one off, but I wouldn't let it colour your relationship - I think all men do it, whether they admit it or not.

@Bobbotgegrinch Excellent summing up! That's exactly it.

It is a stretch! He's just having a wank!

Jesus, let's make up hypothetical situations, why don't we!

Its his body he can touch it when and how he likes.
If it was him telling you not to do something to your body it would be a man bashing thread.
Hes using his hands he`s not going with another woman FFs.

You haven't answered the question others have asked - do you masterbate yourself? Do you only ever wait to have sex with your other half? You should definitely seek therapy, sounds controlling more than anything.

@Goodlard

How is it a stretch for PP to suggest porn may be what is making op feel off?

How is that a stretch? A stretch would be that he's cheating or not attracted to op. Somebody asking if porn is involved is not a stretch.

Why do you even care enough to comment on my initial comment in the first place? All I said was it's not a stretch 👍

This is a forum where anyone can answer any post, if you don't like it, then don't post.

The OP is ridiculous, nothing to do with porn! She's stated her issues quite clearly, they are nothing to do with porn. Stop trying to hand out excuses or reasons that it's not her problem!

😪👍

Good call...

I'm pretty much sure that op doesn't.

😂😂😂😂

Of course he doesn’t…..

I used to be like this when I was very young and somehow just 'grew' out of it almost - so I understand where you're coming from.

If you're finding that it's a persistent intrusive thought and issue then I'd seek therapy, otherwise it's going to be really destructive to your relationship and sex life. It was to mine - I started to become disgusted by sex with my boyfriend eventually, because I'd deemed him some deviant chronic masturbator and in my head the whole thing was disgusting and 'violated my boundaries'.

But it's not normal to become upset by someone else's masturbation habits, and more than anything OP you'll feel much lighter if you find a way to deal with this.

Leaving his evidence on the floor for you to find is vile though

I'd like to think he wouldn't leave it lying around!

Tell him to clean up after himself. Anything else is gross. But beyond that you are unreasonable and would probably benefit from therapy to unpack this issue.

Thanks for all the responses! There has been some really helpful comments, and some total bell ends haha

Yes we do have a really good sex life despite having a toddler that hates sleep! And i actually do masturbate which i know is super hypocritical and i even say this to myself! Hence why I don't say anything to him abd its all just battles in my own head! Im also pregnant and quite needy and emotional atm which doesn't help.

It’s actually quite shocking and eye opening as to how many people have commented clearly without reading the OP properly.

I wish you could have told us your pregnant in your first post lol

@TypicalCoach lol my bad