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Original poster

Boyfriend sometimes spaces out when I’m talking and it makes me sad

55 replies

letitbe78 · 27/12/2023 13:29

On the whole our relationship is amazing but sometimes I find when I’m speaking he doesn’t seem that interested or doesn’t respond.
Sometimes I’ll tap him and he apologises and says he didn’t hear, so I have to repeat.
Sometimes I’ll tap him and then he does reply, but he seemed spaced out.
Sometimes if I’m talking at length about something he’ll say “mmm” “yeah” and I feel I have to apologise for rambling on.

This isn’t all the time, we often have long and Deep conversations.

I have spoken about this to him and he says it’s not the case, that he’s not bored, that he doesn’t mean to and sometimes he just doesn’t hear me. He also said that not everything requires a response.

Am I being silly? I do suffer from anxiety and wonder if it’s me.

OP posts:
Original poster
letitbe78 · 27/12/2023 13:30

I’ve found this is more frequent recently too

OP posts:
LoveToEatFood · 27/12/2023 13:36

I’m reasonable sure you’ll find that’s a trait in at least half of the male population op, not just your man.

Mines in a dream half the time. It’s pretty impressive the things he doesn’t notice that are there right in front of him. Drives me nuts sometimes. Mainly just pretty amusing though.

Shewhobecamethesun · 27/12/2023 13:38

This is 100% me and I'm female. However I do have ADD so spacing out and becoming distracted by my own thoughts just comes with the territory unfortunately

SirChenjins · 27/12/2023 13:40

When you say talking at length - how long are you talking for and about what? I often find myself zoning out when listening to people talking at length about stuff that’s not v interesting. No ADD or anything.

Santaisscouringindeedfornewjob · 27/12/2023 13:40

Long shot but dd's bf had a form of epilepsy that showed as 'absences'.. He literally spaced out for a few seconds.. I never really noticed until dd found out about his diagnosis.. Sadly meant he couldn't drive..

2chocolateoranges · 27/12/2023 13:43

Yip I’m another who zones out when someone is speaking for a long time, I then get lost in my own thoughts of what I could be doing, what I need to buy at the shops, etc.

I get so easily bored and conversation needs to be a two way thing rather than just someone talking or I get distracted.

im female.

Seas164 · 27/12/2023 13:44

Sometimes I’ll tap him and he apologises and says he didn’t hear, so I have to repeat.
Sometimes I’ll tap him and then he does reply, but he seemed spaced out.
Sometimes if I’m talking at length about something he’ll say “mmm” “yeah” and I feel I have to apologise for rambling on.

Sometimes he's not got the headspace or attention to listen. In the same way as your friend that you meet for coffee might not have. If you noticed she'd slightly zoned out while you were talking at length, would you tap her and then continue? Or would you notice, and then maybe take the social cue to change tack and ask her about her week?

TheCosyRain · 27/12/2023 13:45

Yep mine does this. We can also have long and in depth conversations but he often zones out when I talk to him generally day to day. Occasionally gets annoyed when I ask if he heard or ask him to repeat back to me what I just said. It’s very frustrating and if I dare do it back to him (lightheartedly to prove a point) he immediately starts saying “hello?? Did you hear me!?”.

MiddleagedBeachbum · 27/12/2023 13:48

I too some out, unless it’s two way or really interesting.
TBH I don’t tend to have friends / boyfriends that like to talk at length as I find it an annoying trait and a bit self absorbed!

Risun · 27/12/2023 13:49

DH refuses to believe that I'm not interested in football or horse racing.

I zone out a lot.

StmMary · 27/12/2023 13:51

I don't think he's been rude or anything. Men can sometimes say they are listening when they are not. Or in your case, he's miles away. The stuff your saying might bore him to tears.. Us women do ramble on. Haha
You know men, you'll bring something up you talked about the day before and they can't remember it.
They are interested in footy, rugby, down the pub with mates.
He might be tired and need to be left alone.
Most men think we're nagging.
His he on any medication that makes him spaced out the next day.
I'm a bit like that though. I go what did you say sorry I was miles away.

usernother · 27/12/2023 13:57

My husband does that all the time. It's because I'm rambling on and boring him 🙄

Original poster
letitbe78 · 27/12/2023 13:57

It’ll just be comments about what we’re doing though, he’ll just take ages to respond or not register. Yet if someone else talks to him he seems to reply?

OP posts:
ForTonightGodisaDJ · 27/12/2023 14:02

Could just be an attenyion thing/ADD. Try not to take it personally.

TheCosyRain · 27/12/2023 14:45

Sadly I’ve started cutting down certain things that I chat to him about because I feel like he won’t really be interested in hearing about it. Then if he hears me telling someone else chimes in with “you didn’t tell me that”!

Sometimes I save certain conversations for certain times…I’ll tell him that when we’re out for dinner etc. and he gets a bit offended if I tell him why. Funnily enough he used to get frustrated with his own Dad being the same way.

I really don’t rabbit on as some of the previous posters suggest.

Hastheslotharrivedyet · 27/12/2023 14:50

It’s just most men. I listen to him. He just looks bored and distracted when it’s my turn to vent. Whatever x

FrostieBoabby · 27/12/2023 14:59

I sometimes do this when DH is gibbering on about something I have no interest in. Usually some TV program or something he's seen on the news I've already read about online. Are you maybe gibbering on a bit too long or is it important stuff?

JFDIYOLO · 27/12/2023 15:03

When you say talking at length... What do you mean? My OH does this - suddenly starts delivering a kind of monologue on one of his interests (Ive usually heard it before) without including me or asking me anything until suddenly he does, and i find I've zoned out. It can be very wearing hearing one voice going on and on and on.

MWNA · 27/12/2023 15:12

I'd zone out if you talked at length at me too.

Teal123 · 27/12/2023 15:35

He needs an eeg sounds like absence epilepsy

Therollinghills · 27/12/2023 15:44

My ex used to do this, I didn't rabbit on at length either but conversations were almost totally one sided with him saying mm, ok, yeah, oh really? but nothing to keep the conversation going. This applied to basically all topics. He isn't overly chatty with anyone but it drove me mad and like you upset me that he couldn't be arsed to engage with me. I would often ask him what I'd been saying and he'd not have a clue, then be defensive and rude about it.

lap90 · 27/12/2023 15:45

I'm the same when people talk at length too. Some people really don't realise how long they go on for.

Pinkbonbon · 27/12/2023 15:48

My first thought was of an old flatmate I had with adhd too. Completely lights out, no one home in the middle of some conversations. It doesn't look like boredom, it looks like their soul has up and left the planet and there's no one in there. So it could be that.

But..
Assuming there's nothing emotionally abusive going on? (Eg: Other things he does that make you wonder if there's something wrong with you or if you're not interesting/smart/cute/good enough)

Fs365 · 27/12/2023 16:01

MiddleagedBeachbum · 27/12/2023 13:48

I too some out, unless it’s two way or really interesting.
TBH I don’t tend to have friends / boyfriends that like to talk at length as I find it an annoying trait and a bit self absorbed!

100% this long and deep conversations are often traits of people who are self obsessed, I would tend to zone out as well TBH

RoseBucket · 27/12/2023 16:06

letitbe78 · 27/12/2023 13:57

It’ll just be comments about what we’re doing though, he’ll just take ages to respond or not register. Yet if someone else talks to him he seems to reply?

I’d zone out talking at length about that as well.

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