How do people survive living together throughout the divorce process?

[sososadaboutthis]

I'm just wondering how on earth we survive 9months plus of this awful limbo. We have kids and I don't want to tell them until our living arrangements will be changing (youngest has ND and anxiety and would stress about it for the whole time so we can't tell her about changes until they are about to happen) so we have to try and carry on as 'normal', apart from that I'm sleeping downstairs.

And on that note, how will I survive sleeping on a sofa for 9 months! My hips hurt 😔

Seriously though, would appreciate hearing people's experiences. Thank you x

are you happy @peanutbutterkid ?

and with adult children of which only one still lives at home - who probably very much has his / her own life being 16 years old - a bit different to this scenario (not stalking - you’re on loads of threads talking about your situation)

Wishing you strength OP. I did this during lockdown so you can imagine the true hell of that - I decided it was over at the beginning of that year and he didn't move out... and then got locked down with him. Thankfully there was a spare room which was my refuge. For me, what got me through was not drinking. Alcohol would have been tempting but I knew I would never have been able to make it out the other side with my sanity.

I'm not sure which part of my own story struck you, Nutster.
I was more worried about telling our own parents than DC, fwiw. Our parents were much more likely to fret than DC. As annoying as xH is, he was very amenable in the divorce. I will always be grateful for that.

I found it powerful to be able to say to all "We have been working thru this divorce for 7 months & you didn't even figure it out. So you know from last 7 months that we can be civil and minimise disruption to your lives and be amicable. We will carry on in same way." Stability for DC was a top priority to me. I didn't want to tell DC until a. they needed to know because their lives would actually be affected, b. we had as much certain information as possible to tell them exactly how they would be affected.

@peanutbutterkid "stability for DC was a top priority to me. I didn't want to tell DC until a. they needed to know because their lives would actually be affected, b. we had as much certain information as possible to tell them exactly how they would be affected"

This is exactly how I feel and how I need to approach telling our DC. It will just create months of anxiety if we tell them before we've even decided who is going to live where, and what the impact will be on them.

How is everyone doing?

Our days end in tears right now. We hold everything in while we're around the kids and then it all comes out after they've gone to bed. DH tonight is back to the sarcastic digs and seething with me because I can seemingly just act normal while he's in turmoil. We've both ended up in tears and have gone to our separate rooms now (still the sofa for me). I cannot imagine even one more week of this, let alone months and months. Hoping counselling will help soon

Hi @sososadaboutthis I know it’s months later, but how are you getting on? Currently in same situation.

Still in the same nightmare and neither of us coping well with it! He's making offers on houses but no luck yet. Are you hanging in there? X

@sososadaboutthis sorry to hear it is still ongoing. Hope he finds a place soon. We have only spoken about it 3 months ago but can’t progress as he is trying to ignore it. Preferring to live as if nothing has happened and of course giving me the rage as I just need to be able to move on.

@sososadaboutthis
just wondered it’s been a year since your initial post.. wondered how you are all doing? I am now living this nightmare, nearly three weeks in and being the festive season makes the torture even worst… I do hope you are free and settled somewhere new