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Original poster

My mum hates my gift aibu

71 replies

Anon0707 · 26/12/2023 02:24

Ok so I told my mum tonight what I had bought her for Christmas. Without giving too much away it was a very expensive hotel stay, a meal and concert tickets, close to the front.
she went quiet and then went mmmmmm hmmm yeah no I really don’t want to sound shitty but do you want to go instead. I saw them performing their latest song and it was rubbish.
I said well maybe you could sell the tickets. She said who would want to buy them.
in context the tickets cost me £250 for 2 and the group in question had to add an extra date because they sold out their other dates
im so down now. Aibu?

OP posts:
Mushroomwithaview · 26/12/2023 02:59

I can understand you feeling disappointed.

It's possible that your mum is being unkind. It's also possible that your gift was thoughtless - it's hard to know without knowing you both. Has she always loved this band previously? Also relevant - were the tickets for you both to go?

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/12/2023 03:04

Buying activities is REALLY hit and miss unless you know the person desperately wants to go. You are assigning their time. And it's so expensive that the person feels uncomfortable. Is that price typical for your family because it SO much money.

nunsflipflop · 26/12/2023 03:09

The new Take That album does take some getting used to 😉. Sell the tickets and treat yourself to the hotel room and night away.

Fourecks · 26/12/2023 03:19

YANBU for feeling upset, but given it was an expensive ticket, your mum is probably trying to do both of you a kindness by not having you spend your money on something she's not going to enjoy.

Maybe when you mentioned selling them, she was thinking to people she knew, rather than online? In which case I can see why she thought that wouldn't work. Could you sell the tickets but suggest that she still use the hotel stay and meal?

FlatWhiteExtraHot · 26/12/2023 03:33

Ungrateful cow. I’d get her coal next year.

People will make all sorts of lame excuses for her, and because you’ve said it’s your mum they will be envisioning a 70 year old (who by MN standards should prefer knitting and slippers to a gig) who couldn’t possible travel to the end of the street.

hattie43 · 26/12/2023 06:38

I'm with your mum , I'm not really into ' experience' gifts . It's an effort , may have to arrange / pay dog care , may have other plans , may just not want to go .

Sparkletastic · 26/12/2023 06:41

She sounds rude and ungrateful

Happyme2024 · 26/12/2023 06:41

That's really rude. Don't bother again.

Quietplaces · 26/12/2023 06:45

I'm guessing by her reaction that this isn't something she's normally interested in or would go to, eg by not realising how easily the tickets could be sold etc so was very risky as a present. I'm saying that as someone who regularly gets a relative experience presents, but when vaguely discussed before and hints dropped.

If she's normally horrible to you then that's a different story but if it's just this I'd sell the tickets, cancel the hotel if you can and use the money on something else she'd enjoy.

WandaWonder · 26/12/2023 06:48

It seems a little rude, but unless she asked for this type of present or indicated she would like this kind of present then the idea that 'well I organised all this and pay heaps so you must like it' is really making it about you now her

Cadenza12 · 26/12/2023 06:49

I bought a spa day for DD for 2. She never used it. Learned a lesson there.

festivepains · 26/12/2023 06:51

She's in a tricky position and doesn't want to waste your money on something she will hate

TypicalCoach · 26/12/2023 06:53

Why don't you go yourself and at worst use the hotel and meal?

amylou8 · 26/12/2023 07:03

My stepson keeps buying us gifts that involve taking time off work and travelling for hours to doing something I have no interest iI. We're seeing him today and I'm dreading where we're going this time.
Activity gifts are very hit and miss. They require time commitment, and are expensive (travel, food, time off work, accommodation) for the recipient. They're much too easy to misjudge and end up being a chore.

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/12/2023 07:09

amylou8 · 26/12/2023 07:03

My stepson keeps buying us gifts that involve taking time off work and travelling for hours to doing something I have no interest iI. We're seeing him today and I'm dreading where we're going this time.
Activity gifts are very hit and miss. They require time commitment, and are expensive (travel, food, time off work, accommodation) for the recipient. They're much too easy to misjudge and end up being a chore.

This. Unless it's something someone does themselves (a favourite restaurant, a spa someone goes to a lot) or has specifically spoken about wanting to do, it's just adding work if they don't like it.

Lifeasiknowitisout · 26/12/2023 07:25

Experience gifts are a dodgy one.

It’s often giving a time obligation to someone for something might not want to do.

Your mum doesn’t want to see this performance. And she was honest and your response was to tell her she could sell them. She isn’t likely thinking about seeking them on the internet, thinking about people she knows. And not all tickets can be just sold on, I thought. I have never sold tickets myself, wouldn’t know where to start and would feel like I had just been given a job to do. Not a gift.

She could have kept them nor said anything and not gone. Or travelled to do something she didn’t want to do because you had spent money. No one was coming out of it happy.

So many threads here tell people to be honest if they receive a gift they don’t like. Which is fine. But the other side of this is that people might be honest back.

festivepains · 26/12/2023 07:27

amylou8 · 26/12/2023 07:03

My stepson keeps buying us gifts that involve taking time off work and travelling for hours to doing something I have no interest iI. We're seeing him today and I'm dreading where we're going this time.
Activity gifts are very hit and miss. They require time commitment, and are expensive (travel, food, time off work, accommodation) for the recipient. They're much too easy to misjudge and end up being a chore.

Yes I had a £100 voucher for a cooking experience and it timed out as I just couldn't get time off to match their limited time slots and when I could get the time off I had a child to find child care for

festivepains · 26/12/2023 07:28

It's also a tad bit controlling. "I think you should spend your time on this"

SpringIntoChaos · 26/12/2023 07:29

Is the band one that she's usually in to?

I'd certainly never be as rude as your mum, but I'd inwardly die a little at this gift tbh. It's a 'fixed date' gift involving a fair old chunk of my time, and I genuinely would panic a little at this. I work full time (upwards of 70 hours a week) and am usually completely bloody knackered during term time.

And yes to the poster who said that much of MN will assume 'mum' is a retired older lady, sitting at home knitting...when the reality might be that's she's someone like me, 60, professionally employed in a demanding, exhausting job and unable to commit to such a gift.

That said...she was very rude in how she spoke to you OP, and I totally understand how hurt you now feel about it.

PaminaMozart · 26/12/2023 07:34

not all tickets can be just sold on, I thought. I have never sold tickets myself, wouldn’t know where to start and would feel like I had just been given a job to do. Not a gift.

Quite.

FlatWhiteExtraHot · 26/12/2023 08:05

Tickets can easily be sold on. A 2 second google will tell you exactly where.

I hardly think the OP would’ve bought her mother K-pop tickets when she knows she likes thrash metal. I’m genuinely surprised by the number of people who would find an amazing present like this a chore.

Isitsixoclockalready · 26/12/2023 08:12

Tricky one - there are plenty of bands that I'm not into personally but I'd suck it up and sound appreciative if someone had made the effort for me - I can take listening to a song or two that I'm not a fan of. A friend of mine recently had a similar experience, albeit his partner had won it - he wasn't a big fan of said act - not really his demographic but he enjoyed the experience. If it was something like parachute jumping then I would react differently but not for something like that. Everyone is different though - some people will suck it up, some won't. It does sound like a lovely gesture/gift to me.

Lifeasiknowitisout · 26/12/2023 08:21

FlatWhiteExtraHot · 26/12/2023 08:05

Tickets can easily be sold on. A 2 second google will tell you exactly where.

I hardly think the OP would’ve bought her mother K-pop tickets when she knows she likes thrash metal. I’m genuinely surprised by the number of people who would find an amazing present like this a chore.

The Op could do it rather than making it a job for her mum.

If it only takes 2 seconds to sort. There’s no issue.

Op bought a gift, but can arrange to return it in 2 seconds.

flibbertigiblets · 26/12/2023 08:27

As above it’s hit and miss for lots of reasons. I would be upset though @Anon0707 - who says they don’t like a present the moment (or even day!) they receive it?! That’s just rude. Have that conversation after Christmas rather than making someone feel like crap on Christmas Day. FWIW I don’t think it’s a thoughtless gift at all!

PaminaMozart · 26/12/2023 08:28

Tickets can easily be sold on. A 2 second google will tell you exactly where.

Lots of stuff comes up on Google. Some legitimate, some not. I'd not be willing to sell valuable tickets via a website that I'm not familiar with without a fair bit of research.

In other words, a chore.